Separate Rooms Required

I ran into a curious situation today. We posted an ad and the gentleman responded, we were looking to meet a couple. My wife and I spoke briefly with the gentleman and it seemed like it would be a go. We were going to have the ladies chat to make a date. He then proceeded to tell us that his lady was adamant about being in separate rooms. Same room was a deal breaker for her. This threw us off a bit. I've never heard of a woman being unwilling to play same room with her partner. Please ladies chime in, Erica found this VERY strange. Are we right to have the red flags popping up? Is this as strange as it seems? We can't see not being able to meet at the eyes once in awhile.

It wouldn't be a red flag for me, maybe she has 0 voyeuristic tendencies, maybe she doesn't like to be watched, maybe she doesn't like seeing other women naked, there could be lots of good reasons to have that rule. The only thing you have to decide is if it works for you and if it doesn't move on

When we first started my wife absolutely didn't want to do same room. She didn't like being watched and she didn't want to see, and subsequently "compare" herself to the other woman. Plus, she liked the fact that she didn't feel like she was putting on a show and could just be herself with the other guy. So no, I don't see it as a red flag either. I think people are all comfortable with different things. I would just ask her why. If her reasons make sense and you are both ok with separate room play, I don't see why it would stop anything. At least not at this point.

I don't think it's a red flag, but it may be inconvenient, depending where you play. At a club or home it might be fine. If you are going toa hotel, it doesn't usually make sense to get 2 rooms unless you are all planning to spend the night.

Until you meet face to face you won't know if there is an attraction.

We play same and separate room, but I probably prefer separate room slightly. We know a few really great couples who only play separate room.

I don't think it's a red flag. The dynamics are a bit different in separate rooms. Maybe she feels awkward with her husband in the room. Why don't you let the ladies chat and your wife can ask her why the insistence on separate rooms? She may have a perfectly good explanation. I enjoy both scenarios and they do feel different.

We were the same way. Now I loved same room and watching my wife with other men but she simply didn't want to see me being intimate with the other ladies.

I don’t think its the norm, in part due to the inconvenience of having to get a 2nd room but at a club, it can work out nicely. When we started swaps, I was insistent on same room as a safety precaution. When we first talked about swinging, whether MFM or swaps, one of my concerns was what if another guy, for one reason or another, rings my bell more than does hubby or, if in such an environment, I simply let loose more and do things that I don’t ordinarily do. How would hubby react to such. But, when it all started, the safety and security far outweighed those other concerns. I also found that I enjoyed putting on a bit of a show for hubby but that can be distracting for both he and me and possibly our partners as well. When we tried separate rooms, I found that I enjoyed being a much more nasty girl with the other man, and really letting go more. The thing is, swinging is about having sex, not necessarily the same as making love to your permanent partner. The separate room allowed me to enjoy it more. And accordingly, take a least of those feelings and actions back to the room when we stay with same room.

I can understand why she might want separate rooms. I too prefer this. Our first happened to be in separate rooms. My new partner that we had just met on our cruise was a dream and the time we spent was fabulous. I knew my husband was with the wife but I didn't much think about it. I was nervous at first but didn't have the extra burden of us doing something my husband or his wife would be upset seeing. The next day we did have sex in the same room and the same man who made sensual love to me the night before now used me as a sex thing. And though I didn't think anything about seeing my husband the night before it became a bigger reality now. After a number of experiences I still feel that men act completely different when we are alone.

Our very first experience involved meeting another couple at a swinger's venue, dancing a bit and flirting, and ending up at our hotel rooms. They had a room, too. During the evening, we found out that they were not married, but had been seeing each other for a while. She was a librarian (!!) and it became apparent in retrospect that she was not attracted to me at all while the other guy was, understandably, quite attracted to my wife. We were all in our 50's.

The other guy finally came to me at the end of the night and said it HAD to be separate rooms. So, we said that would be ok, and proceeded. She and I kissed and fondled a bit, but at this point, it was pretty obvious that she was just going through the motions, "taking one for the team." Then, and remember this was our first time, I could not perform. I find out now that this is very common with guys, but it was terribly upsetting to me. She started talking about "what are they doing?" and I have to admit I was not as engaged in that conversation as I could have been because I was mortified that Mr. Happy had let me down.

My wife is attractive, multi-orgasmic and an interesting person outside the bedroom, and she and I had agreed beforehand that we would be "into" our partners and that she would not hold back. He would get the best ride of his life, or at least the best she could provide which was going to be pretty damn good. Well, she said later that he was just about to mount her again when the other woman called their room and said it was time to go.

All's well that ends well, as my wife and I had amazing sex for weeks after as I wanted to wash the taste of that "failure" out of my brain. We sure had fun trying.

The other lady said to me after it was apparent that nothing more would happen between us that she just couldn't stand the thought of seeing him with another woman. She was so paranoid that he was going to dump her, I think. Sorry about the long story, but I think another reason that a wife may not want to have same room is that she is taking one for the team and can't stand the thought of seeing him enjoying himself with another woman.

Red flag.

It would depend on the situation. If he speaking for her and she as of yet has to 'materialize', then that would be somewhat of a red flag, especially if this was going to be in a hotel and the two rooms were not able to be joined, meaning you could not access the other room after the door is closed. We would definitely make sure there actually is a female and meet face to face before playtime happens.

But we are probably just a bit paranoid is all.

I wouldn't be concerned as long as every other thing checks out, it happens - some girls just can not let themselves go so to say when hubby is in the room with them -

but of course use some senses and make sure it's all good before doing any thing.

We started out with having a same room requirement, but as time has passed we see the 'advantages' (for lack of a better word) of separate rooms. It does make it easier to spend the time and ask what your playmate likes without your and their partner watching. Sometimes its just easier to learn things one-on-one with a tutor than in a classroom...