Results 1 to 8 of 8
  1. #1

    Default New and confused

    Hi everyone
    Very new to this, but enjoying it so far.
    After some perspectives really.
    Went to a club for the first time last weekend,with my play friend.
    We love each other to pieces but have a casual relationship.
    He said he really wanted to see me with a woman,this was fine with me,as have done so before.The rules were no men, playfriend very very territorial-and not what I was after either.

    Went to club,met a great girl,who I found attractive and clicked with.She had a partner who was only wishing to watch,so I felt this couple were perfect for us
    Then playfriend changed his mind,we discussed it,he then changed his mind again, and genuinely seemed all for it.

    Fast forward about an hour,and my friend can't get his head round it,finds it all a turn off, lead to an awkward situation with the other female,and me feeling very humiliated and confused.

    I didn't want to upset him,but we did end up arguing.
    Mixed messages and a lack of communication I suppose.
    In my head, as I found her sexy and appealing,I suppose I didn't consider that he'd have to have the same feelings about her.

    I'm eager to avoid a repeat of this scenario,but it's left me a little wary to say the least.

    Anyone any thoughts or similar experience?

  2. #2

    Default Re: New and confused

    I can only guess what your play-friend was really feeling... but having been in similar circumstances, my guess is something like - "I should want this but I'm not comfortable with it, but my partner wants it so I should let my partner have it, but I'm really not ok with it so.... argh!"

    Just a guess though... and you shouldn't guess. Talk to your play-friend. Make sure he understands that you're OK with him putting the brakes on an encounter if there is something about it he isn't comfortable with (assuming you are OK with it... and if not, well that's a whole longer conversation you guys need to have). He should feel he can be completely honest with you about his feelings... even if he doesn't understand them or they aren't "right" or "fair" they are still his feelings and need to discussed openly and honestly, and treated with respect and consideration. You need to feel you can do the same.

  3. #3

    Default Re: New and confused

    Thankyou Lionheart.
    It's really thrown us,and made our 'relationship' feel very unstable.

    The last thing I ever ever wanted was to 'turn him off'- made me feel very unsexy self concious and embarrassed.
    I know he felt really guilty for not being comfortable with it,and felt he had ruined things for me.

    I responded to this by saying that unless we're both into it,attracted to, and genuinely really enjoying another couples company pre-play,then it's a no go.

    We discussed and talked about things meticulously for weeks prior to going to that club-so I wasn't expecting any issues as things seemed so clear between us.

    Still,live and learn I suppose


  4. #4

    Default Re: New and confused

    To me it sounds like he wanted to join in with you and the other women and didn't want another man watching.

    Have to be honest and say if this guy is just a no strings sex partner, if your not actually in a proper relationship with him then I think its a bit off that he says you can not play with other guys, or that he has much say at all really. Like stated to me it seems like he wanted you in a MFF situation and when the other guy wanted to watch he changed his mind.

    Personally I have found a lot of guys can be very homophobic when another man is present, sometimes it can be very scary / rude / not nice in a play situation. If your going to play with a couple you would expect another man to be about, but like stated it seems your partner is more interested in women / seeing you with other women / playing with other women himself, its a common thing from men.

    I think one of the oldest tricks in the swinging book is for a man to encourage his girlfriend or wife to sleep with a few other guys, once they have done the man then presses for other women all the time, the classic "You have slept with men, now its my turn to sleep with other girls" I'm not saying your partner has done that just that 90% of men's real motivation is to sleep with other women and to me that sounds like the case here.

    Got to admit I hate it when when you meet a person and your partner ends up causing a scene, for example you meet someone, you chat to them online, you arrange to meet them, you wash yourself really well, you dress up nice, you spend time effort and money on things like travel and preparations, and then when it comes to actually meeting the person your partner kicks up a fuss and makes the entire situation feel bad, always makes me feel embarrassed and like were some fools who haven't even spoke about the subject or something.

    I had the same happen a lot with an ex girlfriend. One thing is for sure if your going to a club or party scene then you better expect men been there, if your play mate can not handle other men been around then perhaps you need to think of a new plan other than clubs.

    Hopefully you find what your looking for

  5. #5

    Default Re: New and confused

    Quote Originally Posted by emmies View Post
    We discussed and talked about things meticulously for weeks prior to going to that club-so I wasn't expecting any issues as things seemed so clear between us.
    It's always the issues you don't expect that trip you up. No matter how much you talk or think or plan, there is always something... whether it's the thing you didn't even consider or the discovery that the emotional reality of a thing turns out to be very different from the idea of it.

    That's why, at the end of the day, it always comes down to communication. Open, honest, trusting communication. It sounds easy but it's as hard as it gets.

  6. #6

    Default Re: New and confused

    What do you mean by "playfriend very very territorial "?

    It sounds like you are not holding it against him for putting the brakes on which is a good thing , but, I think you should stress to him that he needs to be honest with you when you're discussing this stuff. He must have had a niggling feeling about this before when you were at the talking stage, lots of conversation is great but it needs to be honest conversation,
    You guys obviously have a different relationship dynamic to most people when you say it's casual but he gets to choose who you play with, I'd say go back to the drawing board and see how you both want to progress

  7. #7

    Default Re: New and confused

    I know what it's like to have powerful emotions that make me shifty, but sorry this happened to you. I agree with the others. Go back to the drawing board and talk about all possible scenarios and boundaries. Every "what if" that comes to mind.

  8. #8

    Default Re: New and confused

    The two of you need to talk. You describe him as a 'play friend'...which sounds like he is just someone you occasionally play with (FWB). He sounds like it is something more (or he wants it to be something more). I would think that a play friend would want his/her partner to have fun at a swingers club while he/she also looked to have fun and would be happy when it happened. This sounds too much like jealousy on his part. A talk should be in order and then maybe time to re-evaluate the relationship you two have.

    Let us know what happens...
    If you donít have to lie about sex, you donít have to lie about anything. - John Williamson

Similar Threads

  1. Confused?
    By flman982003 in forum Curious About Swinging?
    Replies: 13
    Last Post: 08-06-2012, 10:25 AM

Tags for this Thread



Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
About us
The Swingers Board is an online swinging community with something for everyone. Experienced swingers and those just curious about the swinging lifestyle are all welcome. We invite you to participate in the discussion forums, member blogs, swinger stories, member photo galleries, swinger club listings and reviews, and all other areas of the site.

This site is run by a real swinger couple with the assistance of a great team of forum moderators who are also swingers. This site is free, and membership is open to all legal adults. While guests are able to view much of the site, registering will allow you access to all areas and full privileges.

Safe, sane, funny, smart, sexy - become a member and experience the Swingers Board!

SwingLifeStyle Where REAL Swingers Meet

SwingTowns - It's Different @swingTowns

SDC SwingersDateClub for couples

SwingingLocal Free Local Swingers Profiles

Kasidie Sexually social

Adult FriendFinder Find Adult Sex and Friends

Wicked Temptations Wickedly Sexy Clothing

Swingers Board
Subscribe to our newsletter!