Private Parties

We host private parties from time to time and like to keep them small. We are selective in who we invite as we like a well matched, cohesive group. We are not trying to exclude people but not everyone we know in the lifestyle would really "fit in".

 

Here's the problem... We have couples approach us asking us to invite them to our next party. We don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, but these are usually couples that would not fit in. We try to keep talk about the party quiet, but obviously people talk.

 

What do we do?

What do you do? Keep on keepin' on!

 

You have created a group that fits, that has fun together. Adding people could easily upset this balance. Should that happen, your group could easily fall apart.

 

If someone approaches you that you don't think would compliment the group, say no. Nicely, but firmly. If they take offense, that's their problem, not your's, isn't it?

 

On the other hand, if you hear from a few of your attendees that X&Y or Z seem like fun people, invite them.

 

I know, we never want to hurt other peoples feelings, but you can't win all of them.

 

Good luck

Just tell them that it is a closed group right now and that you will keep them in mind if things change...

You could invite 1 new couple per party. If they don't fit in, they don't get invited back. When I hosted parties, this seemed to work well. You never know how/if people will hit it off.

. . . What do we do?

We too faced this question. After a really disastrous party a while back we decided that people who feel slighted for not being invited can just organize their own darned parties and, if deemed appropriate, make a point of not invite us. Those who seem to be able to take it in-stride we will continue to enjoy when we meet them at other venues.

I love you guys! I was prepared to be torn to shreds! We do not invite the same group to each party and are always looking for new people to invite. We just don't want to invite people that we know others won't want to play with. I really don't like to hurt people's feelings. Thanks!!

Agreed with the others. Just tell those that ask that each party has a unique group and you do your best to find the right chemistry...when you feel there is a group that those who are asking will like, then they will get an invite. Make it more of a "it's not you" response.

Can i ask Why you think they will not fit in?

From this quote "We just don't want to invite people that we know others won't want to play with." I'm curious - do you play with them?

 

Not having a go or anything my mind just wants to know lol.

I guess another option would be to host another party made up of all the folks who ask, but are not included in your current group. If nothing else, you will likely have some stories to tell, and get some good experience out of it. (I get that time is valuable however.) I also like the comment / idea that they can host their own parties, and invite anyone they want.

Give some of the not fit in people a chance. You never know who will like who. I have scanned the couples at house parties for potential play partners. We end up paired with the couple that I thought was the least likely pairing and we had a great time. Has happened multiple times.