Jealousy

Hi

This is the male half of a couple and I thought I would ask this here because you ask vanilla friends this stuff.

We have been swinging for 3 years, i am 38 and my wife is 27..we have an amazing relationship and are totally devoted to each other, vanilla friends often comment how they wish they had a relationship like ours.

For the first 2 and half years our swinging fun was amazing, neither of us ever had hangups about a meet or felt jelous.

However, 6 months ago that all changed for me.. Usually when we meet a new couple we meet through parties, clubs or the web. We always have a social first and then either of us can veto further meets if we are not keen. We have friends who recommended another couple to us and we got chatting via a messaging service which subsequently led to us arranging a play meet at their place.

As soon as we arrived I felt slightly uneasy (unusual for me) and I found myself not really liking the guy half of the couple. We stayed with our own partners and chatted for around an hour. As time went on I really wanted to leave because it didn't feel 'right'. It was around this time that nature called and I went to the bathroom.. When I returned my wife was on the other sofa in my place, he was kissing my wife and had his hands up her skirt. The other guys wife (who was stunning) invited me next to her and started to kiss me.

Unusually at this point I didn't feel at all aroused or turned on, instead my stomach was knotted and I wanted to get out. I glanced at my wife and they had moved to the rug, she had her dress up, panties removed and they were kissing passionately as they rubbed against each other. Usually this would of turned me so much but I just hated it. I decided to power through and get it over with, I went down on the other guys wife and when i glanced around again he had a condom on and they were at it on the rug.. Giggling and chatting dirty to each other..

Things went on for about 10 mins then the room heated up so we all stopped for a quick drink. I was very relieved and thought this would be a good oppurtunity to swap back.. But unlike usual my stayed with her arm around this guy.. We all chatted and then his wife wanted to change into something a little different to play and she suggested that he and my wife went upstairs and we would follow on.

At this point I was confident my wife would say 'sorry no, we dont do seperate room' we have always had a rule that we only play together. But instead she turned to me holding his hand and asked if it was okay. I was put on the spot and didn't like to spoil her night so said 'fine' and off they went.. His wife was gone for 15 mins and it felt like an eternity, all I could here was my wife moaning with pleasure.

When she returned we went upstairs to find them hard at it, she was all over him and we walked in just as he was coming deep into his condom. At this point his wife said 'looks like the funs over, smiled and left'. My wife went to grab a shower and we all returned downstairs for a chat. We left about an hour later and my wife raved about the meet and much fun it was.. After a few days I told her I hated it and felt sick at the thought.. She was devastated and deleted the couple from her phone and blocked them on all forms of media. She was really sorry and blamed herself, she thought I was enjoying it to and had she known i wasnt it would have ended instantly.

Moving on 6 months we are meeting again but its no longer the same, i find myself feeling jelous even with friends that we have known since we started.

For me swinging is all about my wife, the women we meet dont turn me on as she is my focus and I used to love watching her while I was with the other woman. Now I meets are a mixture of, excitement, jelousy and anger for me. It is getting better as time goes by and we have chatted about our boundaries and changed our swinging habits.

We no longer play on first meets

We have a 2 play rule.. So once we have played with a couple twice we wont meet them again

We will never do seperate rooms again

And we have a code word so that if one of us wants out we can leave a meet

Do you think our swinging life will ever return to where it was or do you think we should stop?

We still get the buzz, we are still as solid as ever and we still have alot of fun but I still get these feelings that ruin it all slightlt for me.

I just hated it. I decided to power through and get it over with...

When hubby started having sex with other women (after I had started almost two years earlier with a guy) that is how I felt even though I chose the woman, and that is what I did, push through it. For me it became an addiction, the burn of jealousy, knowing that I set it up and I wanted to go through with it. BUT...

I found myself not really liking the guy half of the couple.

I never disliked the women hubby played with, especially since I chose them. As a matter of fact, this opened me up to eventually having sex with some of them and enjoying it. It also gave me a new reason for jealousy which heighten my desires. In your case it should have been a no go. You can, however, be happy and proud that you gave your wife something she desired, at a cost to you, which was unbeknownst to her. You're a good man.

So i think you picked up on something that you felt could threaten your LTR and some of that was right from what you said in your post, your wife did things that was not your normal way - you did things to go with the flow ,

so maybe you picked up on the way the other guy operates and in the back of your mind knew some thing could change - which it did.

Here's the good part, your wife - once you had talked about it She did what any loving, caring, person would do and that was end it with them immediately.

So here's what you now know

Trust your feelings

You can trust your wife to have your back and you for her i would hope.

You both now have a way out if one is not feeling right

you both care for each others feelings

Will it ever be the same as before this - does a child always stay a child?

you have Learned some thing from this and it will shape the way you go about things.

The choice is yours now if that is with a loving and caring LTR that has a bit if fun now and then or if you let this eat your LTR away or at lest let it shape it harshly.

The one thing you need to do is be able to say STOP at any time - now none of us want to be the one saying it but some times you need to.

Look at it this way you and your partner are number one - your LTR is number one here, if you seen some thing going to hurt it would you not stop it no matter who or what it is?

Trust each other and if some thing comes up then say something.

Things will get better as you learn form the past blunders and better communicate for the next adventures.

and lastly don't fell bad lots of us have had to go though the same and that's part of growing as well.

Good luck

The bad part is you didn't trust your own feelings and forced yourself to 'take one for the team' (something that you shouldn't ever feel the need to do). Your wife then broke a big rule by wanting to not stay in the same room. It also sounds like your wife and this guy really 'clicked'. The other wife leaving for 15 minutes and returning just as they were 'finishing' was also wrong on her part...it almost sounds like it was her plan not to play with you. Anyways, you should have said something at the numerous opportunities you had to stop this, but that's water under the bridge now.

The good parts is that you both learned from this experience and have taken steps to keep it from happening again. It still, however, sounds like you are having trouble overcoming her breaking the 'same room' rule. Keep talking and slowly work your way back in. Trust takes time to rebuild, but it will repair itself as long as you keep talking. Good luck and let us know how things go.

GoldCoCouple - Agreed - I was going to bring up the other wife as i thought the same - They just need to look out for each other as we all do.

Hi

Thanks for the replies!

Firstly, taking one for the team is definitely a bad idea, we have always said we would never do it but in the heat of the moment I didn't want to ruin my wifes fun.

We have definitely learnt alot from the experience and have adjusted the way we do meets. We now only meet couples twice and then move on. We find that keeps things all about each other and it really works for us.

We had a great meet at weekend and everything went brilliantly, we both had fun and it felt like it did previously.

As was mentioned my wife was very understanding about it all and dropped contact with the other couple instantly - i am very lucky to have her

On a side note, I think you hit the nail on the head when you mentioned the other wife dissappearing and not joining in. It transpires through friends that she does this often on meets... I think her doing that made me feel duped into a meet.

Swinging is about trust and I trust my wife 100%, thanks for the replies

You should have said "no" to separate rooms when asked. You're the man, enforce the rules you and your partner agreed upon. If it spoils the moment, so be it. Rules are put in place for a reason.

You should have said "no" to separate rooms when asked. You're the man, enforce the rules you and your partner agreed upon. If it spoils the moment, so be it. Rules are put in place for a reason.

I should of said no but not because I'm the man, we're a team and do everything together and make decisions together, neither of us has the upper hand.

Our rules are now simple:

2 meets and then we wont meet again - this keeps it fresh for us. Swinging for us is about the situation and not the other people.

Never change rules on a meet

Same room, same bed

Onlyme89

good that you guys can work it out - that's the best part really, and you are right again it's not about who's the boss it's team work for sure.

Here's hoping for many good times ahead.