Women I meet want to, but they rarely bring it up.

For this post I'm going to treat this as if I'm currently dating someone, using the story as if it's currently happened. In reality it has happened, but I am seeking advice in case I feel it's an issue again.

So after being with someone for awhile, we eventually became more sexually open and willing to discuss fantasies and agreeing on what we'd do and wouldn't do. It started off shy, liking the idea of 3 sums. Then expanding to swinging, and even to gangbangs. Each scenario, we would establish rules for when and if the time comes that we want to go through with it.

The problem is, it's always me that mentions it. I don't bring it up often, but when I do, she's very excited about it and is all for it. I've not been with a woman that openly says she wants to try something like a gangbang even after we've agreed to try it. Even if it's a more tame situation, she's never the one that brings it up. It's more like I have to get thing started and it becomes more of an agreement which leaves me wondering if she's just trying to please me. I guess you could say I desire a partner that will be openly greedy and just flat out say she wants to spend a night with me and another guy. It never happens that way even if she tells me she loves it.

So I guess a question is for women who understand the feeling. If you had an urge for something like swinging, you knew your partner would agree, why wait until he brings it up instead of asking for it? Because that's what tends to happen to me.

How does she know you would agree to it if it's never been brought up? In my experience many men are not open to swinging.

It sounds like you are ahead of most people if you are meeting women who are not looking for monogamy. The fact that you are the one to broach the subject isn't that big of a deal in my mind.

I've been married a very long time, and swinging quite awhile so it is hard for me to speculate about your situation. Hopefully other people will have advice for you!

We all have lots of fantasies, but we don’t bring them up. It may be that we have those fantasies but don’t see the fantasy as I want to swing. It’s only when he raises the topic of swinging do we realize that it might be path to realizing some of our own fantasies.

As others have said, this seems like a pretty normal situation.

Yes, lots of women have an interest in various kinks, as do lots of men, but I think women are perhaps more likely to be raised to believe they're not supposed to think/talk about those things and it can be freeing to be with someone who shows them they won't be judged and that what they're thinking about will be treated respectfully. Not everyone is totally accepting of sexual experimentation and there's some reason, maybe more for women than for men, to worry about the social consequences of people finding out what they're into.

To put it another way, if people find out that I bookmarked a "German Goo Girls" video, I'm a guy who watches porn. If people find out that Mrs. E. bookmarked a "German Goo Girls" video, she's a girl who's into bukkake.

When my wife does bring it up, it's always pretty subtle. She won't go in to to great of detail about what she wants or anything, but she ask questions when I know she already knows the answer like, "How long was the club membership for," or, "did the money come out for the site membership today." To be clear, yes, she knows the answer to these questions. It's just her way of bringing it up. She has told me before that it makes her feel like a slut to bring it up first, so she found ways around it.