After exploring we've found...

Hey lifestylers, just wanting to get the opinions of fellow lifestylers. My wife and I have been immersed in the swinging pool for almost a year now. After a year she has yet to find, "that guy" that she wants to go full with. I myself have been with a handful of ladies at her request. I can only get into it when I know that it's what SHE wants and she is totally getting off on it. She even had to manually insert my penis into one of our partners.(it was so HOT by the way). Otherwise it's a no go. What I'm thinking is that we enjoy the atmosphere, sexuality and openness of the lifestyle but swapping may not be our thing. Being able to transition from fully dressed and socializing to sex in seconds is a turn on. We love hanging out with other openly sexual people and are both open to the experience should we meet that couple that we just can't resist but we haven't met them yet. I'm wondering if our dynamic is normal in the lifestyle? Are we too picky? Is it reaching to expect an earth-shattering connection before going forward? Are we truly lifestylers or just tourists? Our only social activities are with lifestylers (clubs etc.). Anything else is just too vanilla.

I do not think your experience is that uncommon. Really when we go to clubs we often see and interact with people that are just there for the sexy vibe. We have talked to people that are regulars and have attended for years and never actually played.

I think it's cool, really enjoy yourselves. It makes it a bit tricky for people like ourselves that are looking to make the sexy vibe, but as long as you are not leading people on I think it's great.

Have a good time guys!!

I 100% agree with you. We love the atmosphere and the sexually charged environment but not so much the swapping and maybe that is that we have not found the right couple. it is just really nice to have conversations with like minded people. I don't necessarily want to be labeled a voyeur because we don't necessarily go to watch the sex acts but just watch the social interaction.

Swinging covers a great deal of activities, so even if you don't want to go full swap, it's okay. As you have said though, it could just be that you haven't found that 'right' couple yet. Finding them IS NOT EASY, so don't try to rush or force things. It will happen when it happens. In the mean time, just enjoy what you are doing and be patient...

Finding a four way match is difficult. Also, being senior Swingers, we are not machines. Things don't always work with peeps our age. Lately, we are finding more eroticism in massaging, blindfolds, ties, toys, etc. These activities also can reduce anxiety about STD transmission. Voyeurism and subsoft swap solves a lot of problems.

Finding a four way match is difficult. Also, being senior Swingers, we are not machines. Things don't always work with peeps our age. Lately, we are finding more eroticism in massaging, blindfolds, ties, toys, etc. These activities also can reduce anxiety about STD transmission. Voyeurism and subsoft swap solves a lot of problems.

OMG, I am sorry I am so new at this but what is a subsoft swap?

Soft swap to me is oral sex. A subsoft swap is massaging, touching, rubbing the other couple's opposite sex spouse. I think I made up the term. Maybe I should copyright it!

I love the term. It should be immediately incorporated into the lifestyle dictionary. Thanks for all the replies. I want to say that this lifestyle is filled with the absolute best people. We are so happy that we've ventured down this path.

You are, of course, free to enjoy your sex life in whatever way you like, as long as everybody involved is enjoying themselves. And if you're clear that you do not want to swap with the swingers you meet, then you are not leading anyone on.

It sounds like you two are not particularly turned on by playing with other people- only by your spouse getting turned on by seeing you with other people. If I were a prospective play partner, I might not elect to play with someone who did not find me desirable. So I think it's better that you two do not play with others if you're not feeling it.

Hehe... subsoft swap. Nice one.