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What do you do when one of you is into a couple but the other isn't?

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This probably sounds like a pretty obvious question, the answer being that you don't move forward but for me it's a little more complicated.

 

My bf and I have been doing swinging stuff off and on for three years now and in that time, we've had maybe 6 experiences with other couples. In each experience, I've never had a problem getting into it or getting off but my boyfriend hasn't been able to get hard each time. As you can imagine, this has been very frustrating for him. He says he needs to have a connection with the woman and feel comfortable in order to get hard and cum.

 

Recently we met a couple where he is comfortable with the woman and was able to cum with her for the first time ever. Understandably, he is excited and eager to see them again. I, on the other hand, am not attracted to the guy. I'm wondering if I should just suck it up and continue since my bf has had such a problem in the past? He really wants this to be an ongoing thing which also concerns me because I'm not sure how long I will want to continue.

 

Have any of you been in this situation or do you have advice?

 

Thank you!

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Is it possible that it may have less to do with the other woman and more to do with where your other half's head is at?

Maybe he just finally got his head around swinging, maybe now he's had a good experience more will follow.

But there's no point in pursuing this couple if you aren't both happy

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The best initial answer is to say that neither of you should ever feel that you has to "take one for the team", and play with someone who you're really not enjoying playing with just to allow your spouse the chance to play.

 

Can I ask you to clarify what is the "ongoing thing" that he wants, that you're not sure how long you'll want to continue? Are you referring to ongoing regular liaisons with this particular couple, or are you referring to swinging in general? I'm asking this because your answer might affect people's impressions about the best course of action to recommend for you two.

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Hi! I meant that he wants an ongoing thing with this couple and I'm not really sure how long I would want to continue with them. I thought that maybe if it is less frequent, I could be more into it. I do want to continue to try to find couples who are a good fit. The other thing I thought about is that there prob is no way that everyone will be equally into one another. So I was wondering if it's more of a give and take. Like maybe I'm not really into the guy in this couple as much as my boyfriend is into the woman but maybe I will be more into the guy in the next couple than my boyfriend will be into the woman and so on.

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Well, you're right that it is unusual for both people to be equally into their opposite numbers of another couple. But even though one person likes their play partner somewhat less than the other, both should enjoy the play enough to want to do it.

 

Here's where we would draw the line: If you enjoy the other guy, but not as much as he enjoys the other woman, then that is a situation you can both work with. But if you don't enjoy playing with the other guy at all, then you are taking one for the team when you play with him. Most lifestyle couples will decline to get themselves into a situation where one of them is taking one for the team, because it can eventually cause frustration and resentment in the sacrificing partner.

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There are always going to be different levels of interest in members of other couples. First thing is, we try to keep perspective. This is not the beginning of a dating experience, it's a night of sex and I have read nothing that suggests that quality of sex is related to good looks, physique or anything else. With that in mind, when we have had these variances, one of us “takes one for the team” so to speak, or, we both walk away, or, in one instance, at Desires where hubby and I both liked the guy but hubby just couldn’t get into the woman, we just waited until the other wife was off with her lady friends and asked the guy that had been pursuing the swap for 3 days if he wanted to go into the playroom with the two of us.

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This is SO true. There's no sense in ever forcing oneself to play. The goal of this lifestyle is ENJOYABLE sexual encounters. I can have that with my partner,all day, every day if need be. Why in Gods name would I step outside my relationship to have to force it?

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We have been in this situation and have found ways to play separately. A lot of times at parties or events people will mix more than just two couples,so one of us can play with half of a different couple or in a threesome.We do this quite often and it works well for us.

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