Taking One For The Team

So the title of this thread isn't exactly what this post is about but it sort of is.

Here's the situation: my boyfriend and I met a couple who we both really like as people. They are super fun, funny, easy to be around etc. The first time I met him, I was attracted to him. Second time, not so much and then I was sort of in this weird place where I didn't know if I was into him or not. Long story short, I decided to give it a go and we had sex.

THe first time we had sex with the couple, we were in different rooms. It went fine except the sex wasn't exactly what I had hoped it was. There were a few things about him that turned me off. My bf had problems getting it up with the other girl but once he heard me moaning, he was able to have sex with her for about 5 mins before he came.

Here's where the issue is. I'm not really all that attracted to the other guy. I got turned off during sex and physically, I'm just not really into him although I love his personality. If I were single, I wouldn't want to have sex with him again. Now, having said that, one thing I should mention is that one of the biggest turnons for me in this is watching my bf with another woman. So I'm trying to decide if me not really being all that interested in having sex with the other guy should matter that much if my turn on is watching my bf with the other woman (given that we would all be in the same room the next time).

My bf is getting frustrated with me because I can't seem to make up my mind about whether I want to do this again with them or what I want because I keep getting caught up by the fact that I'm not really all that sexually interested in the other guy. And my bf also doesnt want to feel like he's leading the other girl on because we do all text separately and she's all about my bf. Also he's feeling like their first time wasn't great on his end and he really wants to make up for it. So long story short, all three of them are gung ho on getting together again and I'm dealing with a lot of guilt because I feel like I'm the one who could blow it for everyone else, not to mention that I really like this couple as friends!

So my question is, do you think it's enough to just focus on being turned on by watching your partner, even if you aren't really into the other person you're having sex with? I guess that doesn't really sound fair to the other guy? I'm not sure. I know he's pretty crazy about me so maybe it wouldn't bother him. Of course I would never tell him that! I'm just totally confused as to whether or not I should just go with the flow or call it.

Help!

from Oklahoma, Funtimes! Thanks for a good question.

My late wife once remarked about "taking one for the team," by saying: "Hell, Darling, It was sex! How bad could it have been?" The incident was relegated to the past. We solved the problem by not swapping with that couple again.

When I had trouble "getting it up" it was usually because Mrs. Playmate was not enthusiastic. I suspected she was involved to make her husband happy.

In my opinion, it's time for y'all to move on.

Good luck!

I think you might be on boarderline vouyerism and cuckqueen. In my opinion you two should cut it off with them just explain you don't feel excited as you once thought. Many couples only play with females only so just explore that. I also didn't read that you were bi so not sure what rules you'll have when you play with a female. So do a bit of research and look into yourself see what exactly turns you on and communicate (feel like a broken record been saying it alot on these boards) with your boyfriend and explain what turns you on and what you want to explore. Swinging is a two player sport its not fun if only one of you is winning.

We don't have many rules, but never 'taking one for the team' is still one of them. There are other couples out there...move on. One of the other rules is always same room/ never separate rooms. We both like watching the other enjoy themselves so why would we not stay in the same room. Last is if one person says no, the answer is no...no explanations or consequences. Swinging is a team sport and the team always comes first (well, not necessarily, but you get the idea).

Swinger couples are like street cars. If you miss a ride on one, there will be another right around the corner.

I really like that!

The only problem is that my bf is getting super frustrated because I'm picky in general. So it's hard enough to find a couple where I'm into the guy. Then throw into it that we found one where I was sort of attracted to him and then the sex wasn't great and I'm back to square one.

My bf is so frustrated, he's saying he doesn't think we shoudl be doing this at all. I disagree and just think that it's a matter of finding the right fit. Just causing a lot of drama right now.

If your boyfriend isn't into it you really need to listen to what he has to say

Might want to start defining for yourself what is making you so picky. Real people are not fantasy. If you are not finding anyone that is attractive, yeah the problem is on your end to sort out. Maybe all you want is to watch and be with your man while he is with someone else? It's not that uncommon. If that's the case you should tell your husband.

I would also agree with the other posters there are plenty of couples out there, but they are real people. You can move one the question is will you just run into the same problem?