Wife doesn't want to play anymore. HELP!!!

My wife and I are swingers, well we were anyway, but about 7-8 months ago, she decided she didn't want to be swingers anymore.

The problem is that I do want to keep swinging, really bad. I don't know what to do. Could you guys/girls lend me some advice, please?

Well jamie_n_jr

I think it a matter of what is more important too you - your wife or swinging -

having said that is she against you going solo?

Is your need for others that strong to cheat if she said no solo play?

Why did she say no more anyway and how did you start out swing. We need to know some more about it before i can give my thoughts

Regards

Can't really make somebody be kinky and swing, they need to like it.

Still what was said before is true. We need more details in order to assist.

Has she said why she doesn't want to swing?

You two really need to communicate and talk this through, but in the end if she doesn't care for it anymore then you should agree and stop swinging altogether.Your marriage should be the number one priority in your relationship and swinging shouldn't be above that.Good luck and hope everything comes out great.

As others have said, it seems like a good thing would be for you two to talk over this issue together. Tell each other why you feel as you do- why she decided to stop swinging, and why you are so hot to continue swinging.

This is a wild guess, but one possibility is that she might have begun to feel a bit of jealousy, and seeing your high level of enthusiasm might have made her feel less desired by you? If this is the case, it may be that you have some relationship repairing to do.

You say that you are, or were swingers which would suggest that up until 8 months ago you were communicating. I'm sure she didn't just wake up one morning and decide to 'go vanilla'. Had she been telling you or trying to tell you something? Perhaps something that you weren't actually hearing. She would have given signs.

I'm on the verge of where your wife was 8 months ago and it's not because I don't want to be in the lifestyle, it's because I'm not being heard.

Just a thought.

There's got to be more to this story. One day she just said that she didn't want to swing anymore...done? First, based just on what you said, you both need to work on your communication. Second (and more importantly), what's more important: your wife or swinging? If she doesn't want to swing anymore then that is your only choice here. All I know is if the SO wanted to stop, I would in a second and never look back. She is more important than swinging will ever be to me.

We wish you luck and hope to hear more about your situation.

You say that you are, or were swingers which would suggest that up until 8 months ago you were communicating. I'm sure she didn't just wake up one morning and decide to 'go vanilla'. Had she been telling you or trying to tell you something? Perhaps something that you weren't actually hearing. She would have given signs.

 

I'm on the verge of where your wife was 8 months ago and it's not because I don't want to be in the lifestyle, it's because I'm not being heard.

 

Just a thought

Glida

That's not good at all, whether you stay in the LS or not I hope you get heard - do you think your SO realizes where you're at?

Regards

The problem is that I do want to keep swinging, really bad. I don't know what to do. Could you guys/girls lend me some advice, please?

A couple of folks have asked - why does she want to stop? So I'll ask the other question - Why don't you want to stop? What is it about swinging that makes you want to keep doing it so much that you've come to these forums to ask for advice?

I think knowing that will help in the conversation you and your wife need to have... because as others have stated, what you need to do is talk to her. Have a calm, rational, open and honest conversation. Tell her what you want and how you feel. Actually listen to what she wants and how she feels. Then work out between the two of you have to resolve the discontinuity.

Glida

That's not good at all, whether you stay in the LS or not I hope you get heard - do you think your SO realizes where you're at?

 

Regards

Yes he knows... We talk all the time, we just see things differently, That's part of the LS, to communicate, trust and find your way. My point was that Mrs Jamie would have dropped some hints as to why she felt like giving up.

I've thought about this post a lot since it was posted, especially since I'm the wife who is on the verge of giving up...

I posted that I didn't feel heard, but then said in the next post that "we talk all the time". Well it turns out that I'm not being heard because we are not having the right conversation.

When I look at what we talk about it's generally associated with what we want, desire or feel like doing. What we fantasize about, what our boundaries are and so on. We never have the conversation that Lionheart posted about 'Why we want to do it'. We never talk about what it means for each of us to be nonmonogamous. We jumped straight into acting out our fantasies and skipped over "What does it mean for each of us to include others?" and more alarmingly we never had the conversation about 'The thing we are missing' in our primary relationship that makes us look outside. Answers to these questions are what we should be talking about in order to continue in the LS.

So thank you for opening my eyes...