Jump to content
Jare1998

Advice for hubby.

Recommended Posts

Hi there, I need some help for my hubby. We met this couple in August at a swingers/nudist resort and we all hit it off great. My hubby and I are new to this lifestyle so this was our first time. Me and the other guy had a great time while my hubby wasn't able to get it up and he feels he let the other woman down. He really thinks she is sweet and is attracted to her so that wasn't the problem. He was nervous and a little jealous of me and the other guy so that was a big distraction. We've recently went on a short vacation with this couple and she and I had some fun of our own but due to her time of the month, my hubby didn't get to play with her. I abstained from playing with the guy since it just didn't seem fair to my hubby. We've made plans to go away with them in January, we have a really nice hotel room and are planning on all of us having fun again. I'm very excited to get to play with both of them but my hubby is very nervous. He doesn't want to disappoint her again. He has Cialis and we've practiced so we know that won't be an issue. He wants advice on how to make her feel special, like he is attracted to her. They are both shy people and he's afraid he won't know what to say or do with her. He wants to make up for her not getting enough attention the first time we were together. Any advice would be appreciated. I'm more outgoing and the other guy and I don't hold back when it comes to flirting and having fun. I don't want to have sex with the guy though unless I know my hubby is having a good time and so is she. I suggested we all play as a group until we're feeling comfortable. I just don't want him to lose focus and get distracted by me and the guy. I'm completely open to him doing whatever he wants with her. After all I like her too and I'm going to play with her myself. I just want him to feel at ease and be able to show her affection.

  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post

What you described and your husband experienced is not that uncommon. Our first time did not go as planned either with me being distracted by my wife with the other guy. His wife was a knock out beauty but that did not seem to matter nor help. You are on the right thought process though based upon our experience. The next couple we were with was better since we played as a group thing (no M M interaction)and the girls paid attention to both guys. It was simply awesome!

 

You did not mention if your husband likes giving or is good at oral. That helps make the other woman know she is appreciated and hopefully gives her some satisfaction. Of course, there will be some women that want the full entree and not just an appetizer.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post

It's true it's not that uncommon, which doesn't make it suck any less though unfortunately. It's great everyone is being so understanding and working together to keep everything fair and all feeling involved so they can have a fun time.

 

This is no guarantee, but I will make a prediction. I will bet the second time will go much, much better than the first. Even when there is good chemistry and connection between two people, sometimes that can be canceled out by first time jitters. First time doesn't have to mean your first time swinging either, every person is special and unique, and so your first time with them can cause just as many jitters as your first time swinging did. It's totally unpredictable though, you can have good connection with someone and the first time go like gangbusters, then the next person, you have awesome connection with them and then it strikes when you least expect it. The best thing for calming those jitters though is comfort level, and the more time you spend with someone you like, the comfort level goes way up and your natural instincts kick in and those lingering thoughts in the back of the big head get silenced out when the little head takes over :)

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post
Guest luvin eye full

You guys are on the right track.

Let your husband know that he is among many of us that had the 1st play wobbles lol, for me it was never a problem when I was single, 3somes gang bangs dp all that stuff, but when I was dating my now wife it went down like it was made of lead. lol

 

For me it was just too much to see the wife with someone (not saying that it's that way for your husband).

But once I knew what was the problem we started off slower (soft swap) then after a few times it was ok, no more problems and full swap.

Now for the shyness I found that just going with a smile and simple things like gee you look good to-nite / some thing that fits the tone and feel of the meeting and it does make them feel wanted which then helps the shy ones to open up (not over the top stuff) was/is the best way for me.

 

Good luck and it seems from what you have posted that you will get to where you want to go.

 

Regards

Share this post


Link to post

As someone said, it's likely that it will be better for your husband the 2nd time with this woman. Since you have the weekend and you seem to like, trust and are comfortable with this couple, why don't you suggest separate rooms initially. That way he can give her his full attention without the distraction of you having fun, her husband not having an erection issue and him being worried that he'll fail again with an audience. Once he gets past all of that and has a fun playtime with her, the four of you can make a great pile of bodies together.

Share this post


Link to post

Usually I just ask for help from the wife to kinda jump start things. Every man gets this problem and taking some extra time with your SO can really help. We have had other couple's do something similar. Your husband should not feel bad about putting the breaks on what is going on to get a bit of quality time with you so that everyone is comfortable. I think you should only go as fast as your slowest member if that's your husband, then take care of him.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post

I have observed my wife being seduced many times. Sometimes it works sometimes it doesn't. A few things that I know work for her are personal observations. Did he notice she spent a half hour on her hair. Did he notice her dress or shoes. Compliments are good but can easily go overboard and become obvious. Let conversation flow by listening and commenting on what she says so she knows he is listening. And just let her know that she is exciting, beautiful, smart and sexy. Easy on the sexy because in this instance, with 2 shyer people, it can go from sexy to creepy fast. Sometimes sexy can seem forced if you aren't comfortable.

We have left first meetings with a guy where I thought everything was going great and she will be turned off for being "smothered with BS".

So good luck, take it easy and a little slow and it should be fine. With the Cialis taking that edge off, he can focus on her.

 

I didn't see this mentioned so I'll comment on the day of the event. This day can be wrought with anxiety, nervousness, horniness, and time standing still. When we first started, I was having erection problems and found that when I had the problem, it was days that we had been very sexy with each other. Not actual intercourse for any length of time but constant stimulation. I guess it was causing burnout or something. Anyway, now we just chill, do chores, shopping, try to keep our mind off the evening ahead. You may need to find your own method.

Share this post


Link to post

It's been mentioned above about swinging in separate rooms , personally I wouldn't be comfortable with doing this with my wife but I think if you are all comfortable with the idea it could be the best solution, maybe you and the other guy are more animalistic in your attraction and your spouses maybe more sensual? Maybe there's a contrast in styles and speed that makes all in one room a little uncomfortable for them? Maybe they felt like you and the other guy were racing ahead and they were playing keep up, why not let them go up to the room alone half hour early if your comfortable? Might take the pressure off them a bit if they feel they can go at their own pace maybe?

Share this post


Link to post

The best piece of advice I can give is to relax. Gently , I wonder if having a special weekend is the best idea. You H might be getting performance anxiety, if this is made too big of a deal. I once played with a couple and the H couldn't get hard for any reason. The wife and I were having a rousing good time. We finally stopped had a couple of drinks , talked a while, relaxed and she and her H made out, until the tension was broken. Then we were good to go.

Share this post


Link to post

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


×
×
  • Create New...