First Timer Confusion- the story of Fred and Ginger

Hoping someone can help me out with advice. My husband and I are HWP, MWC, mid 40's and have been married for 17+ years. I was a virgin when I met and married him. I started talking to my husband about swinging about 4-5 months ago. He is totally on board. We read some swinging articles, tips, visited the forums and read a book. We decided our first swinging experience would be to attend a swingers club in city >100 miles from where we live as I work in a conservative industry. We got there early, got the tour and I really appreciated the rules, cleanliness and dress code that this club promotes. For the first few hours, we just did lots of people watching and while there were a few women that definitely held my husband's interest, I was not interested in their partner. We had a few drinks and took a place at the bar. I finally see a guy that I told my husband "that guy over there he's cute" I made eye contact and he came right over and introduced himself- let's call him Fred. Fred and I seemed to have instant chemistry and I was definitely enjoying the attention. Fred introduced himself to my husband and then called his wife "Ginger" I call her over the meet us. We started talking about swinging of course- we told them it was our first time doing anything like this. They said that they "met in the Lifestyle" and had been swinging for a few years but had only "hooked up" about 4 times over the 2 years. I divulged to them that I was a virgin when I married my husband. Then Fred asked permission to kiss me (awesome)! We made out a bit, he showed me that he was hard and I reciprocated my interest. He asked about rules (awesome) and I said just that I required condoms and that my husband and I would tell each other when we went off with someone. He said he and his wife usually play together. Ginger says she's not really into us, but "happy to answer any questions" At one point, Fred actually takes my husband's hand and puts it on Ginger's breast, her face, her hair. Ginger is NOT having it. She at some point moves away and Fred and I are now making out and heavy petting. It is obvious I want to have sex. He asks me and I say YES. He then talks to my husband who says it's ok for us to go upstairs to one of the rooms. He tells Ginger we're going. I am kinda a mess- nervous, excited, mind racing. We get upstairs, find a clean bed, take off our clothes and I just jump him. I think he was pretty taken aback. I started giving him head and then get a condom and start putting it on him. I am so nervous that my hands are shaking and I'm having trouble getting it on. I finally think I'm successful and just climb on. He flips me over-it's hot heavy, amazing and my brain is just screaming "oh my god you are fucking another man! this is really happening". It must have been over in 5-10 mins. As soon as he pulls out, he's like " where is the condom?" CRAP. He puts his fingers inside me, we start scrambling over the bed and find it underneath my left buttcheek. He throws it away, we clean up and get our clothes on. At some point, Ginger came to the edge of the bed and got something out of Fred's jeans. I remember him being like "are you ok with this?" and Ginger nodding it was fine. Within minutes of getting his pants on Fred says "Well let's get you back to your husband." I was sort of shellshocked and kissed him and said that I was going to the bathroom. When I came out after getting myself to rights, Fred was nowhere to be seen. So then I start looking for my husband and feel like everyone is staring since we were one of the first couples of the evening to fuck. I just put my big girl pants on and tried to suck it up as I roamed the club looking for my husband. Now my husband is happy for me and now he wants to find another couple to play with. Now there are people going at it all over the club. Fred crosses my path and does not even acknowledge me. What it the lost condom? Did I get him in trouble with Ginger? What I a terrible lay? I felt like crap. My husband now wants to join in with some couples, but I cannot. He wants to go into the same room that Fred and I had just screwed in. He wants to play with girls who have partners that I want no part of. We get some more eye contact from some of the partners to me, but I am just not interested. I don't want to "take one for the team" and be pimped out like Fred tried to do to Ginger. Do other swinger wives play separately or it is always a package deal. My husband sensed my reluctance and we finally left. I was worried about the condom deal, mainly because I couldn't believe my stupidity (I know better) and I had rushed the sex. I took Plan B as soon as we got back to our home city. But they way things went down before and after with Ginger left me feeling badly. I was also feeling guilty that my husband did not get to experience any sex while I did. I want to swing again, but confused about how to approach a couple if only one partner is interested? Thoughts?

Hi Nerfmommy

Yes i have seen girls and boys get a little to "caught up in the moment" especially when it's the 1st time after being with the same partner for many years lol.

I bet your mind was screaming lol

So have a talk with your husband and take all the good from that night and then any thing that you two think could of been better - then plan the next trip with those things in mind.

It will be hard to find a couple that you both want to get on with, but it's not impossible - maybe that's why the others have been swing longer but not have had many encounters.

It's up to you guys what you want to do about the "fairness" of a night where one of you does not play, my thoughts are team based so even if it takes longer to find we both play - but that may not suit you two.

So take the 1st go as a learning curve and sort out what you want and then try again.

Don't worry about the Flintstones too much as they may have some other things they needed to sort out by the sounds of it ( it's not your fault)

Now about the condom - while you may not of known i think he would off known about it and just kept going, as a guy that has worn many over the years you can tell when it's on.

So that some thing to think about while talking to your husband - eg should he be there to keep a eye out for you while you get settled in to the LS.

anyway good luck and keep up the good work

Regards

A couple of quick thoughts...

The condom thing - sometimes those suckers just come off. I had a play partner whose vaginal muscles contracted in such a way as to pull the condom right off. The first time we had sex, it happened and we didn't know until we were finished and had to fish the damn thing out of her. After that, we'd pause every once in a while during play to make sure the condom was still on. So, it happens.

The ignoring you thing - Sadly, that also happens. One of the first couples my wife and I hooked up with, we met, we chatted, we hit it off, we played. Afterward... and I mean immediately afterward, as we were all getting dressed... we ceased to exist to them. They didn't talk to us. They didn't even look at us. They just put on their clothes and left. I think for some people, it's their "defense mechanism" ... their way of separating themselves emotionally and having it be just no strings attached sex. I do think it's rude but what I'm saying is, I don't think it was about you.

Seems the simple answer is the same as above, swing as a couple with another couple, might be easier for you now since you scratched that new partner itch? If there isn't a match at the club why not just play with each other and still have a good night, or maybe you could try and hook up with people online before you visit the club and arrange to meet them there. Got to say though if you're husband is genuinely cool with how it went then he's an awesome guy.

A couple of quick thoughts...

 

The condom thing - sometimes those suckers just come off. I had a play partner whose vaginal muscles contracted in such a way as to pull the condom right off. The first time we had sex, it happened and we didn't know until we were finished and had to fish the damn thing out of her. After that, we'd pause every once in a while during play to make sure the condom was still on. So, it happens.

 

The ignoring you thing - Sadly, that also happens. One of the first couples my wife and I hooked up with, we met, we chatted, we hit it off, we played. Afterward... and I mean immediately afterward, as we were all getting dressed... we ceased to exist to them. They didn't talk to us. They didn't even look at us. They just put on their clothes and left. I think for some people, it's their "defense mechanism" ... their way of separating themselves emotionally and having it be just no strings attached sex. I do think it's rude but what I'm saying is, I don't think it was about you.

Lol Yes i agree they can come off but i have always noticed when it did because that tightness of the condom goes - now i'm thinking about it maybe i just used the wrong ones because they always feel tight.

I so glad there is no need for them any more lol

Regards

Congrats to both you and your husband for keeping your big-kid pants on (even when the literal pants came off)! To answer your question (and this is just my opinion as half of a pretty new couple who does not play separately), it's hard to approach a couple when just one of you is interested in just one of them. But as with everything else in the lifestyle (and life, lol), the best thing is to just ask for what you want and be okay with the answer. Reading your story, I wonder whether maybe Ginger was not as okay with Fred playing separately as she acted, since they don't usually play separately.

However, another thing that's true in the ls and in life is that you aren't responsible for second-guessing what people say or figuring out why they're being weird (and you are definitely not responsible for other people's weirdness). If a couple says they're okay playing separately that night, but they're not, that's not your problem.

I'm sure this is all self-evident to you, but sometimes it helps to hear it from other people.

I'd feel a lot of pressure to hook up if I drove 100 miles to a club. Some nights it just won't happen. I'd try to have a game plan to still have a great time those nights, whether it's trying out the sex swing or just fucking each other silly.

Good luck! You two sound like you've got the patience, communication, and sanity to make the ls work really well for you.

They said that they "met in the Lifestyle" and had been swinging for a few years but had only "hooked up" about 4 times over the 2 years.

I don't quite understand this statement. Either it is that they get together occasionally to go out and swing or that they have only found another couple that they connected with 4 times in two years. Assuming it is the second, then it goes to show that it isn't easy to find a connection where all four people feel good about playing. It ISN'T easy, but it is pretty darn hot when you do find it. It sounds like your hubby was fine with how things worked out so just accept it for what it was...a night of hot sex. Work on finding a couple so that next time, everyone gets to play. You won't find a couple every visit...or every other visit, or some times hardly at all. That's why we always say go with no expectations and no pressure other than just to have a great night out with your SO. Mark this time up to experience, don't over analyze what happened and welcome to the club.

Thanks for all the good advice and validation that I was overanalyzing Fred and Ginger's behavior, and not to take it personally.

Best- Nerfmommy