Separate room refused

Hello everyone, again!

I have mentioned to the Mr. Before about potentially trying separate room play at some point and if it would ever be an option for the table. More so want to try it just to see how it is and maybe find excitement from having hubby describe things to me later. To be honest, I am the wife that will look over to see make sure Mr. Is having a good time but I'm not a voyeur when it comes to him. Not jealous, just does nothing for me. But he refuses and is 100% opposed. He says he's not comfortable and uses the terms "is there something you would do differently that you can't do in front of me?" And my answer is not at all. Has anyone desired separate room and the S/O is opposed? If so why were they opposed? He kind of shuts down when separate room is brought up and I can tell it upsets him. Advice please.

My wife and I did separate rooms with friends of ours. It allowed each of us to give our whole attention to our play partners. We were extremely good friends with the couple, so there was nothing any of us wanted to hide. Fast forward a few years and the couple divorced. We remain friends with both of them and we have continued to play with the male. After many years of playing, this summer we three realized we were polyamorous. We are all loving it and having a lot more sex.

I was initially opposed to separate rooms. I like the safety of having hubby nearby and, part of the thrill was a feeling that I was performing for him, knowing that he occasionally looked over at me. But, eventually we tried it and, quite frankly, I did enjoy it. It was as if I took better advantage of the situation. I mean, I was in the room to fuck and have fun so I tended to let lose more, be a nastier girl, etc. and, I found that telling hubby about it later just led to a nice session between the two of us.

There are some couples who prefer same-room play over separate rooms because they don't want to miss the enjoyment of experiencing things together. Your case sounds different from that. It sounds like your Mr might have a lingering issue of trust, and potential jealousy. If he's asking the question he is asking, it seems like he's concerned that you might be desiring to do or say things out of his sight that you wouldn't do in the same room with him.

It sounds also like your desire to try separate rooms is not as strong as his desire NOT to do it. So if it upsets him even to discuss it, maybe this would be a good time to leave the subject alone for a while, and instead see whether there is in fact a slight trust gap there, and if so, shore up the level of trust between you.

We enjoy sharing our experiences in the same room. Initially, we do so because Mrs Doc is much more comfortable if we remain close (she had a really unpleasant experience a few years ago). We do have friends with whom we have absolutely no problem going off separately but generally, we do enjoy watching each other and being able to touch and share while we play with others.

There are some couples who prefer same-room play over separate rooms because they don't want to miss the enjoyment of experiencing things together. Your case sounds different from that. It sounds like your Mr might have a lingering issue of trust, and potential jealousy. If he's asking the question he is asking, it seems like he's concerned that you might be desiring to do or say things out of his sight that you wouldn't do in the same room with him.

 

It sounds also like your desire to try separate rooms is not as strong as his desire NOT to do it. So if it upsets him even to discuss it, maybe this would be a good time to leave the subject alone for a while, and instead see whether there is in fact a slight trust gap there, and if so, shore up the level of trust between you.

Yes, 'y desire isn't super strong but it is something I am curious about and eventually want to try. He's expressed to me before that he sees it as being no different then us going on separate dates or hall passes which I can u sweats d his reasoning but at the same time, this is about what makes us both equally happy, right? Sometimes the idea of being close to him during play with other couples excites me. The idea of being so close and feeling him and seeing him touch another woman, I think would be tantalizing but other times I think about it and I realize, seeing him in the act in the past has done nothing for me in the moment. It's the after affect that I was shocked by which after his last weekend was when we had hot sex and I orgasmed twice from

Thinking back to seeing him getting rode by another woman.

I don't blame you one bit for being curious. The Mrs and I started out with a "same-room" rule, which lasted exactly one play date! We relaxed that rule after some of the things that happened on that first play date (not bad things really, just minor observations), as well as discussions with that couple afterwards.

We ended up still playing in the same room on our second play date, but the third one was a house party- and we played separately there. We have had a habit right from the start of giving each other a Full Report of what happened on a play date, from our own perspective, and after each other's Full Reports on the way home from that house party, we were ready to rip each other's clothes off right in the car!

We have found that playing separately gives us the feeling that we can take our time a little more. Sometimes when you've got two pairs of people playing together, there's this unconscious desire to "stay even" with the other pair (e.g, "he's moved from kissing her to taking her top off, so I guess it's time for me to take my play partner's top off", "they started fucking, so we should start fucking now", etc.). This can have the effect of speeding things up overall, because no one wants to "get too far behind". Also, I admit that I might try for a more passionate and intense mood in separate rooms- if I'm passionately dirty-talking with my play partner, a part of me wonders whether the other couple is hearing that and getting ready to burst out laughing! So, while we are happy to play in the same room, especially I the other couple prefers it, we would more often choose separate rooms if the decision were ours to make. Then we ca give each other a better Full Report later on!

I don't blame you one bit for being curious. The Mrs and I started out with a "same-room" rule, which lasted exactly one play date! We relaxed that rule after some of the things that happened on that first play date (not bad things really, just minor observations), as well as discussions with that couple afterwards.

 

We ended up still playing in the same room on our second play date, but the third one was a house party- and we played separately there. We have had a habit right from the start of giving each other a Full Report of what happened on a play date, from our own perspective, and after each other's Full Reports on the way home from that house party, we were ready to rip each other's clothes off right in the car!

 

We have found that playing separately gives us the feeling that we can take our time a little more. Sometimes when you've got two pairs of people playing together, there's this unconscious desire to "stay even" with the other pair (e.g, "he's moved from kissing her to taking her top off, so I guess it's time for me to take my play partner's top off", "they started fucking, so we should start fucking now", etc.). This can have the effect of speeding things up overall, because no one wants to "get too far behind". Also, I admit that I might try for a more passionate and intense mood in separate rooms- if I'm passionately dirty-talking with my play partner, a part of me wonders whether the other couple is hearing that and getting ready to burst out laughing! So, while we are happy to play in the same room, especially I the other couple prefers it, we would more often choose separate rooms if the decision were ours to make. Then we ca give each other a better Full Report later on!

The idea of separate room is more of a curiosity thing. Nothing that I need and if the Mr. Never said yes, I could live with that. I've got a new found discovery though, every time Ive masturbated since the party last Saturday, I have seriously replayed the part where I looked over and saw him getting rode and it pushes me over the edge every single time. I don't like watching him but picturing his dick fucking another woman and imagining watching it is...Gosh the best orgasm I have ever had from masturbating and it takes me seconds once I start picturing it. Is it normal to be so on the fence about the visuals? I don't think I'd get the same affect if we did separate. Call him my spank bank

I'm starting to find myself in this and it's quite confusing..

I like separate nearby rooms where we can dimly hearing each other's noises. Enough to stimulate, not enough to distract.

. . . He says he's not comfortable and uses the terms "is there something you would do differently that you can't do in front of me?" . . .

I've got a new found discovery though, every time Ive masturbated since the party last Saturday, I have seriously replayed the part where I looked over and saw him getting rode and it pushes me over the edge every single time. I don't like watching him but picturing his dick fucking another woman and imagining watching it is...Gosh the best orgasm I have ever had from masturbating and it takes me seconds once I start picturing it. Is it normal to be so on the fence about the visuals? I don't think I'd get the same affect if we did separate. Call him my spank bank

Are you sure you're really on the fence? Because it sounds like you are belatedly really turned on by seeing him in the throes of sex with the other woman! I understand and agree that a description he might give you afterwards may not be as stimulating as your own memory of seeing it happen.

I'm strangely happy to hear a woman talking about her mental spank bank- you go girl!