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sayers3948

Newbies with boundary questions

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Hello

 

I am new to the lifestyle while my husband is acquainted with it. Because I am new and have some minor insecurities, he has agreed to ease me into it and has set some boundaries.

 

He has told me that playing together means, he wants us involved in everything, every aspect of swapping together as a couple. He does not want me to feel left out of any part of this experience and he does not want me sitting there twiddling my thumbs waiting for him to finish, he says if I happen to finish first with the other male, he wants me to join him and the other woman and he in turn plans to join me and the other male if he finishes first. He said he also plans to re-connect with me throughout the experiences to make sure I am comfortable and being taken care of.

 

We have agreed always same room, always play together, never any solo play at all. In addition, if we happen to find a couple we connect with, he is leaving it up to me to make any play dates. No means no, and if any time throughout any play time I become uncomfortable, we stop.

 

We have set some personal boundaries too, such as he is not to use certain terms of endearment that he uses with me (honey, babe, baby) when he is having sex with another woman. I explained to him that I am so used to him calling me these sweet names that I feel they belong to me and me alone, in addition, I do not want him to have “afterglow” cuddling with the other woman either.

 

We had our first couples play this past weekend, where he only received oral from the other female and I on the other had full sex from the other male, plus my first bi experience with the other woman too, and that alone was amazing!!!

 

Afterwards, while we were all laying there, he held me and I asked him if he came with the other woman and he told me he did not. He told me he wanted our first several experiences together to be about my pleasure.

 

He told me how happy he was for me that I enjoyed myself and how much he loved me; and he said I gave him the best surprise when the other female and I enjoyed each other. I told him I did not cum, that things went to fast for me to have any release, and then with the other couple still there, he made the most passionate love to me and we both came together.

 

While I enjoyed watching him receive oral from the other woman, and the fact that he did not cum with her, made me feel even more relaxed.

 

My dilemma is that I am not certain how I am going to feel when he actually does cum with another woman. I think that as long as he abides by the personal boundaries of no terms of endearment and no afterglow cuddling I will be ok.

 

What do you all think?

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:Welcome:

 

It sounds like you are off to a very good start. I think that as long as you two continue to talk and share information, you will both be fine.

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It's great that you two are talking openly, sharing your concerns as well as your fantasies. The kinds of discussions you have had about rules and limits sound like a great way of making your introduction to the lifestyle as relaxing and enjoyable as possible.

 

It was interesting to hear that the fact that your husband did not have an orgasm made you some how more relaxed. That reaction might bear some thought and further discussion between the two of you. Did you feel like you were teetering on the edge of jealousy during this encounter? It's great that you are saying you will be OK with letting him cum, but of course you will have to see and hear it happen before you know for sure whether you are OK with it.

 

It's not uncommon for couples to come into swinging with a list of rules and limits, and then relax them over time as they become more comfortable. Perhaps this will happen with you two as well. Remember, it's you who he loves, you who he has decided to share his life with, and you who he comes home with after playing! A word or two in the heat of passion, or a casual hug while conversing in that relaxed, post-coital bliss (a time that we like a lot, by the way!), does not change any of that.

 

My advice is to keep experimenting! Have more play times with other couples, and see how you both feel. I recommend discussing these topics: 1) Are you feeling any twinges of jealousy during play, seeing and hearing him in the three of pleasure with another woman? Conversely, are you feeling like you want him to relax and have more fun, free from concerns that you're not liking what is happening? 2) Is he feeling left out or frustrated if he is not reaching orgasm during play with others, or feeling overly constrained by the rules and limits you have in place? Or is he still happy to stay within the limits, and wanting you to relax and let go more?

 

In any case, it sounds like you two,will be fine, however things go! Good luck, have fun, and keep talking!

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" 1) Are you feeling any twinges of jealousy during play, seeing and hearing him in the thro of pleasure with another woman?"

 

**Yes, I admit that there are some twinges of jealousy there. I worry that he will find sex more pleasing with the other woman.

I know he loves me, I know we're going home together etc, and I don't want to feel jealous.

 

But I am jealous because I didn't reach orgasm and the woman he was with did. and that made me feel left out.

 

I know I'm about to sound ridiculous here, but I was like "she got to cum, the guy I was with did too, what about me? Where's my pleasure?"

 

I felt he should have noticed I wasn't being pleasured enough by the other man and should have came over and helped. if he had done that it would have made a world of difference to me. It would have made me feel that even though he was doing what he was with the other woman, he still had my pleasure at heart.

 

What do I do in this situation? Smile and act like everything is ok when it's not just to make everyone else happy and more comfortable?

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Please don't worry about your feelings sounding ridiculous! They are YOUR feelings, they are true and honest, and there's nothing ridiculous about them. Thank you for honestly sharing them.

 

Your concern that others might please him more than you is common to a lot of people. What I can tell you is that, as a guy, I have had some amazing sex with women in the lifestyle. But my love is reserved for my wife. And only she can give me that. We each know that the other is not going anywhere, and that it's not possible for any play partner to steal our hearts from each other- and that security has, in our particular case, left us free to enjoy playing without jealousy, and without guilt. If I have a great play experience with a woman, she is happy for me, and will sometimes circle back to the woman to find how how she did it!

 

I understand what you're saying about feeling left out, orgasm-wise. The fact that you did not have an orgasm could have been due to nerves or some of that unease that you've been talking about. Perhaps your husband could have noticed that, while you were having some pleasure, you were not "climbing the mountain" to orgasm. But it might not have been easy to notice, from wherever he was situated. And you've gotta admit that he was a bit distracted! In your situation, I might chalk this up to a little apprehension, and a variety of feelings running through your head that are not exactly conducive to orgasms! I will also mention that, while your feelings here are perfectly valid, the eelings of everybody else deserve to be respected as well. Perhaps if you were able to find a way to let him know more clearly that you could use some help, without unfairly taking him from pleasing his play partner, and without making your play partner feel inadequate to the task of pleasing you, you will all have an even better time next time!

 

I recommend talking to him about these feelings, and your thought about feeling left out. Together, you two can decide how you can do things differently next time- and I imagine it might be a combination of different actions on both your parts, and adjusting both of your outlooks and approaches to a play session.

 

Good luck, and have fun!

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I am just throwing this out there ... as my experience only and am sharing it so you might learn from what I went through. I love my wife it was her idea to swing and I took the. All and ran with it when we got serous about doing it.

 

We had many rules when we started, her more than me. No kissing was a big one and the pet names were to be kept between us as well. The first time we played a woman kissed me on the mouth as I was in the throws of passion and kissed her back.my mistake but it t happened. I am human that got milf was sucking on me when another came up and stuck her nipple in my mouth and when I was about to explode she put the lip lock on me... good bad timing for us all. My wife was hurt but by the same measure we said we would not do some things she said she would not do anything we don't do together and she got kissed by a man while I was eating her that same night. She didn't see me get the lip lock from carol I told my wife's out it later. We laughed and I thought passion can be powerful when you are in the middle of it.

 

Here is the rub. I did have the twang of jealousy as I watched my wife not only get kissed but fucked as well. Hell she was riding this huge guy and having the loudest orgasm I ever heard from her and thought why doesn't she do that with me. Then as she came she kissed him.

It was my feelings that were in the way. I thought I was the only one that could make her feel that way and I was wrong. Every person we invite into our life effects us differently and it's how I choose to react to them that makes the difference. If I let my jealousy speak I would have maybe lost forever the chance to swing with her again.

 

I respect my wife enough to let her have those experiences without letting my ego and misplaced feelings get in the way of our pleasure.not just sex and swinging, life as well let your partner fill his or her life with their love and beautiful things will grow in your relationship.

 

If I give her the same chance to experience her fantasies I get to experience her joy in it and my experiences too. Turning that jealous twang into a harmonious accord is the point that launched us onto an amazing sex life of free sexual expression that changed our lives and helped me be a better man.

 

Build this new part of your relationship on positives rather than mistakes.heck one of or best memories of swinging isn't the sex it's the journey now my wife and I are nearing our fifties and the friendships memories and the fantasies left untried are still pushing us ahead and if my wife asked I would let her do anything and that came from the respect we built not from honoring rules but how we treated each other when we failed!

 

Sorry for the poor edit

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My late wife and I had only one rule, that we would not "make love" with our playmates. To maintain this, we concentrated on having "fun sex" with them. We laughed, joked, and kept the play from getting serious. The orgasms were quite different from those we had with each other, if spectacular in their own way.

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