Getting over jealousy

We've played a bit with other couples. My guy is a voyeur and loves to watch me pleased. He obviously likes to watch others too. While I enjoy various aspects of playing the swing lifestyle I get jealous of his enjoyment with other women. I want to get over it as I would like for us to be able to enjoy the full swap experience. I just can't wrap my head around it fully.

Any suggestions?

Is he professing to you how much he loves you and the solid fact that he would never leave you? Do you profess the same to him?

Oh, my. I see that you are a new member here. to Swingersboard. Leading off with a heartfelt question is a great introduction.

~Michael

I don't really know what the answer to your question is, but I would suggest exploring what the reasons are that you have those feelings! Share those reasons with your husband whatever they are. Sometimes just getting things out there can help reassure you that there is no reason to be feeling the way you are. When your husband assures you as I am sure he will that he loves you and you will always have his heart believe and trust him. He has no reason to lie to the person that is sharing this free and fun lifestyle with him.

Also welcome to the site! We hope to have you become an active member here.

Hello, simonemarks, and welcome to SwingersBoard!

You've already received some great advice. I will tell you that, for some couples, their feelings watching each other are not jealousy. They are turned on by watching, of course, but they also feel happy for their spouse that they are giving and receiving pleasure, and proud of them for being bold enough to engage in this lifestyle. It's a positive thing!

As others have said, it would be very good for you two to really dig into this subject together. "Take a deep breath, and look under that rock", as the Bonnie Raitt song goes! Once you both understand your feelings about this, you can see if there are any ways to help you. Perhaps you are concerned that he will find another woman more attractive, or better in bed. But if you two are in a loving, trusting, committed relationship, hopefully you know that he chose to share his life with you, even if he shares a few minutes of pleasure with someone else. After the playtime is over, he's coming home with you!

The way to end jealousy is communication. Talk to him about these things and clear the air between the two of you. Communication is what increases trust and trust helps alleviate jealousy. No matter how good someone else is at having sex, it's ONLY sex and he's still coming home with you.

from Oklahoma, Simonemarks! Thanks for opening discussion on a very important swingers' issue.

In my opinion, a couple needs to understand that love is not being expressed by their partners when he/she is with another person. The actions may look very similar, but there is a world of difference. It's in the mind.

Laura and I considered that which we did together to be "love making." With other people, it was "fucking for fun." Our only rule in swinging was to never "make love" with anyone else. That was easy because we didn't love anyone else.

This issue is covered (some might say "ad nauseum") in our book, most of it in the free sample section.

Y'all are very right to work out an understanding on jealousy to assure your swinging experiences will be fun, not worrisome.

Good luck!

Also, if the jealousy does NOT go away, with more exposure, it probably won't and the lifestyle is not for you. That's not a bad thing and it's not a good thing. It's just YOUR thing.

I get a bit to a lot of jealousy the weird thing is while I don`t like the feeling, I love the feeling. And I`m happy for her all kind of the same time.

It took me a long time trying to talk my wife into having sex with other men in front of me. Her biggest reluctance was that she couldn't bear to watch me enjoying sex with another woman.

It wasn't about reciprocation to me. I wasn't trying to talk her into having sex with other men so that I could have sex with other women.

All of our experiences have been MMF. We have never played with another couple. I'm happy. It's my fantasy come true. She was shy and nervous at first but now she totally enjoys it.