Jump to content

Recommended Posts

Hi there, my hubby and I are quite new to the swinging scene, been doing it for about a month now, have had a few soft swaps and 2 full swaps. At first we thought the problem was to do with condoms, we never use them at home but it is a big must for us while playing with others, so we have been practicing at home with them and now we have kind of mastered them, however when swapping hubby struggles to keep his erection after putting one on. He has tried Viagra...didn't work. We have tried drinking, not drinking, but it always ends the same way, he can just about keep it up to penetrate the woman for a brief time but then loses it, as of yet no other woman has managed to make him cum.

 

I always try to be reassuring for him but I am struggling now to come up with things to try or things to suggest for him to try. I feel like when he has managed to cum with another woman thing will be easier (I could be wrong) but I don't know how he can keep himself hard enough to get that far. He knows I can get him hard again quite easily and quickly so when he know he is going soft on him he comes straight to me to get him going again.

 

Does anyone else have this problem or does anyone have any suggestions to help us get past this? We would hate for our swinging lifestyle to be cut short as other than this problem we really are enjoying it.

 

Thanks for reading.

  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post

He could try another ED med, such as Cialis or Levitra. One does have to be sexually stimulated for those meds to work, so hopefully he is playing with women who he finds attractive. Instead of you bailing him out, he should ask the other woman for more oral or manual stimulation. He should also take his time and not rush intercourse until he is erect. This is a common problem, in that I never have a problem with my wife, but sometimes I do with other women.

 

Finally, if he is attracted to a woman, I find that I do better on subsequent sessions, as I know them better and am more confident.

  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post

Thanks for the reply, I didn't bail him out with the last couple, and she did manage to get him hard again, he has no problem what so ever staying hard by oral or hand it only ever goes soft for penetration. I think he does find the women attractive but his thing is making sure we all click, have just been reading a few other posts to get some ideas and it seems like it is a very common problem. Reading some of the replies has definitely opened my eyes, and I get what you are saying so far we have never been with the same couple again maybe we should try that. I'm definitely not complaining that he doesn't cum as our session together after is mind blowing but would just really like to help him stay hard long enough to enjoy penetration with another woman.

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post

This is a problem that can feed off itself. 2 great pieces of advise you have gotten is to swing with the same couple, hopefully your husband does find her attractive and try a different med. Other than that all I can say is to hope he doesn't stress over this, worrying can make it worse. Also, as stated, take your time. If he spends a lot of time in foreplay and gets himself really worked up, it can be a big help.

 

As you have found, it is not an uncommon problem. Just a very unfortunate one for him as it can be emasculating.

Share this post


Link to post

This problem comes up all the time (actually, the problem is it doesn't come up). Then once it happens, it can get into a guys head and then it just becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Here's another thread that this is also an issue with (and there are dozens more) - New, but after three hookups with same couple, feeling unsatisfied.

 

Most important is to note that nobody gets upset when this happens and that there are other ways to please a woman. Once he starts feeling more comfortable with what is happening it will become easier. Until then, however, this can really suck. Just let him know it all okay and show him some of these threads so he knows he isn't alone.

  • Like 4

Share this post


Link to post

Yes, this is a common problem, Mrs. Chazo. I had it myself from time to time. I found it was usually caused in my own mind: I really didn't want to be doing what I was doing. It will be necessary,if this is your husband's problem, to dig into the basic cause. That means talking at length about the problem in an effort to zero in on why he isn't comfortable.

 

When circumstances cause such a discussion to be impractical, I found that eating Mrs. Playmate's pussy was often an effective cure for the problem. If it didn't work, Mrs. Playmate didn't seem to care.

 

Good luck to you both!

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post

Some very good responses here. It is a common issue and it does get in a guys head. Some refer to it as performance anxiety and given he has no problem performing with you this may be the case. He knows how to please you. All your secret spots. When faced with a new partner some guys put too much pressure on themselves to be a fantastic lover. Becoming more comfortable in the lifestyle should help as would couples who enjoy 3 on 1. It takes the pressure off of the individual. Another suggestion would be a simple cock ring. The meds such as Ciallis and Viagra may help attain an erection.. a cock ring helps maintain it. Good luck and hopefully knowing it is not an uncommon issue helps

Share this post


Link to post

Chazo82, here's my man's perspective. It comes naturally to me. I am thinking, "I want that woman! Man, she's a sexy bitch. I want to fuck her senseless!"

 

If you husband is not able to gain this frame of mind, he's going to have a tough time of it. What role does he have in choosing your playmates?

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post

chazo82, it is certainly easy to imagine that your guy is getting inside his own head with this, and thinking too much. And thinking too much does not go all that well with SW_PA_Couple's suggested "she is so hot, listen to that noise she's making, look at her tits bouncing around, I want to fuck her senseless and fill her with my cum!" mindset. Once it turns into, "she is so hot, listen to that noise she's making, hey, am I taking too long to cum? Look at her tits bouncing around, am I still hard enough? Shit, I'm getting in my head again! Stop it, stop it! I want to fuck her senseless and... Dammit, I'm thinking again! This is the third play date where I've had trouble, I wonder if she's getting bored..." Aaaand, you're done.

 

It seems like your guy might need a confidence-builder, a way to feel like he can "reach the promised land" successfully, and without relying on you to switch partners temporarily in the middle of things to help him (that switching thing might be good sometimes, but it seems like it can leave both members of the other couple wondering what's wrong with them!). One suggestion might be to have a play date with the couple you know well, as others have recommended, but make it a soft swap play date right from the start. And you, chazo82, are NOT allowed to go "help out" your hubby! Let him please the other woman with his fingers and his mouth, give her a full orgasm's worth of pleasure, and also have her use her hands and mouth to bring him to orgasm. If he needs some help to stay hard or to cum, let him stroke himself, with the other woman watching, helping with maybe an extra hand caressing his balls while he strokes, or a tongue on the tip of his penis in time with his stroking, and offering sexy encouragement. Getting him to be hard and cum this way, with her, and also having made sure she had a good time, may help give him a bit of confidence and ease his mind for future encounters, when he'll be more comfortable.

 

I hope this works out!

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post

Thank you for all your replies, We did have a long conversation over the weekend, and he is definitely 110% into this, so its not there in the back of his mind that he doesn't really want to do it. As for picking the play mates, its either after talking to people on fab for a while or couples we meet in the club we go to. We both have a big say in who we play with, Its not usual for one of us to take one for the team (although I have once) we both have to be comfortable as a couple with the couple.

Share this post


Link to post

We have met many first timers. I like to think of ourselves as the no pressure couple. We were the new couple not that long ago and we enjoy new couples for many reasons but primarily we are drawn in by trying to get these couples who want to try something new without all the pressure thay might be feeling. All of the couples we meet are looking to enjoy a bi curiousness by the female. Even though we discuss the male to enjoy, there is never pressure on anyone. Every man wants to get involved at some point. We have found many of the men with the same problem. It's a nervousness I am sure. I have seen men totally hard watching their wives go soft when they want to join. As others said, oral by me or the wife usually brings them to life, but not always. I always feel bad and try to calm them down. I am not a therapist but have tried all different things. I have even had a man penetrate his wife and switch to me when he was hard. I have always tried to make a man happy one way or another but never blame him.

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post

The problem is with condoms. I can get hard easily but if I put a condom on it becomes a struggle. Totally psychological reaction. I KNOW I am not really touching her wearing a condom and I KNOW I never will so I lose interest. With the wife I can wear them KNOWING I can take it off anytime. All about the mind, not the body.

  • Like 3

Share this post


Link to post

I find knowing I have taken something helps me not be anxious about performing. Known partners help. Limited Drinking. A cpl drinks to be loose is good to decrease anxiety. Too many, and it is Mr. Floppy

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


  • Similar Content

    • By Sawman
      I am at the mature end of the swinging demographic as are my play friends. The ladies have their share of curves and character lines and often prefer to wear something when younger, fitter ladies prefer total nudity. This is just to say clothing is totally OK if it makes you comfortable. This is not a photo shoot. This is intimacy and mutual giving. Besides, a little color and texture is nice to see and feel. When I know my partner is shy I can adjust and just observe that as a boundary.
       
      Now, go shopping.
    • By let's do it again
      Just finished watching a YouTube video about the O and P shot, I had never heard of this. This is for middle aged men and women where a doctor uses a vial of your own blood,spins it and takes the platelets to inject back into the clitoris or the penis to improve blood flow. The doctor who did the video said she gets this treatment about every 9 months. She recommends this for people having problems with ED problems or orgasm difficulties.  So, have you heard of this or have you had this treatment?
    • By Calgetty
      Just wondering, how do you feel physically after taking the med? How much time does it take to go into effect? How long does it last? Is there more ejaculate?
    • By CrazyCampers
      The situation: We've been in the lifestyle for about 4 years now and I've never had a problem with erection (knock on wood). My problem (if you can call it that) is that lately I have not been able to get it up a second time! I, know, many of you are playing the world's smallest as I write this. All kidding aside, something has to be done...no?
       
      My background: Turning 40 with the libra sun, lost 40 some pounds this last year, don't drink alcohol, don't smoke but enjoying having sex with other men's wives .
       
      The wishlist: The love of my life (ball and chain) is taking me to Vegas next week to celebrate my 40th and it's also our first time in Sin City. I have an appointment with the doc before I leave and wanted to ask for some 'recreational sex drugs' to help with lasting longer amongst other things. However, like the post title says, it's mostly about getting a second if not a third 'woody' so that I am able to "party in your bedroom, all night long" to quote a Top40 song playing at the moment.
       
      The Drugs: Levitra and Viagra are the Pepsi and Coke of the recreational sex drug world with not many differences between the two, while Cialis seems to be of the energy drink flavour such as Red Bull. Like with all things in the world, some claim that Viagra is best and others swear by Levitra and Cialis. I, know it's a matter of personal choice and what works for you but I would like to hear from other guys in a similar siuation.
       
      The Bottom Line: I might drink on a night or two, eat at buffets and have sex with someone's wife...I'd like to be able to have sex with her twice if possible...even with a few drinks in me and too much buffet food!?!
       
      Which recreational sex drug would you recommend to your buddy?
×
×
  • Create New...