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  1. #1

    Default Need some advice regarding my wife's new experiences

    At first, I'd like to apologize for a little bit of a long post. I am a 30 year old male and my wife is 25 year old. We have been married for almost 7 years. She is Muslim and was quite conservative from the beginning. On the other hand, I always had different types​ of sexual fantasies that I have shared with her. Over the past few years, she has tried to become a little bit more adventurous in terms of talking dirty or some other things. While having sex, we talk about her friends who I'd like to have sex with & my friends who she would like to have sex with. She enjoys sharing those fantasies these days. So, safe to say that over the past few years, we both have adapted to each other quite a bit. We both are from a conservative country and being a Muslim didn't actually help our cause.

    Recently, like a year or so ago, we have moved to Europe. Since being here, she has become just a little bit more adventurous person I would say. She has always wanted to wear different things that she could not wear back in our country. Since being here, I'm proud of her that she has already pulled off mini skirts albeit with stockings. She's also going to parties with friends and I always encourage her to go to those events.

    Recently, she had been to a party with one of her friends and she was looking really gorgeous in her black mini skirt with a short top. In that party, she had some experiences that she has shared with me and also showed me some pictures from the party. Over there she met some guys from her study programme & she showed me the pictures she took over there with some of guys. The pictures with those guys were pretty normal by any usual standard, but for her the experience was a new one. Like in some of them, she was hugging some other guys that she met over there and in another one, a guy photobombed her picture by grabbing her from behind. She didn't mind those things at all I suppose. After the party she has shared some of the other experiences that she encountered over there too. The suggestions or advices that I'm looking for are regarding those experiences.

    When someone she newly met touched or kissed her cheek, although she told me that she enjoyed those, yet became a little bit uncomfortable. The particular situation that she mentioned to me were that while dancing with a guy, she felt his hands near her ass and boobs. She said that she didn't follow through with those and immediately stopped dancing with that guy. She has shared those in details with me and as always I get a little bit of sexual arousal from these experiences. Although she hasn't asked me what to do, I think for her the biggest surprise was that like the stories we used to share, she actually enjoyed quite a bit of the party experiences. As always, I'm really cool with that and I would like her to explore her sexuality even more. But, I think, she's been in a little bit of a pickle as she would like to continue, yet she is a little bit shy still.

    Next week she has some sort of a new year party that She really wants to go and she seemed pretty excited about the dress she's gonna wear over there. To be honest, it's pretty revealing by her standards. The thing is that she's still thinking back and forth about what to do over there because of their earlier experience. It's not like that she disliked her experience over there, rather like stepping into an Uncharted territory. So, what should be my advice to her?


  2. #2

    Default re: Need some advice regarding my wife's new experiences

    I don't really think religion should come into it, I mean which religion celebrates swinging/swapping? Although I do understand that some are far stricter in general.
    A marriage is about sharing your life and that includes fantasies, although fantasies are often rather different in reality!
    I'm guessing that you've been encouraging and have discussed what you would be happy with? If so then your wife should only do what she's happy doing and at the pace she's comfortable with. I'm also presuming that you won't be with her at the time?
    Personally I'd always want my husband to be a part of it.
    We're both pretty new and are still learning ourselves.

  3. #3

    Default re: Need some advice regarding my wife's new experiences

    What I don't understand is why you are not attending these events with her. One of the things that Ms. Gold enjoys is being able to let her guard down (however never with work friends...one must watch their reputation and not be known as the person who did THAT at the Co. Christmas party) knowing that she is safe because I still have her back. She enjoys the flirting and teasing, but only because if things start to get out of hand, I will step in and protect her. It's good that your wife is coming out of her shell, but I would suggest that you be there to cover her back...
    If you donít have to lie about sex, you donít have to lie about anything. - John Williamson

  4. #4

    Default re: Need some advice regarding my wife's new experiences

    Thanks a lot for your advice. At present, due to my work & her studies, we are staying in two different cities for like 4 months. So, whenever she is off her extremely demanding study schedule, I encourage her to take short trips or occasionally to go to parties.

    For a long time, I fantasized about the idea of her being intimate with someone & finally a couple of years ago, I shared my that particular fantasy with her. To be honest, this fantasy just turns me on to my core. Slowly, I guess, she began to open up about this and over the past year or so, during our foreplays, we even tried out different things. Apart from telling dirty stories as I mentioned in the post, while being intimate, she also did some sexual (non-graphical) things online that turned both of us on.

    When she showed me some pictures with some guy grabbing her from behind from the last party I mentioned earlier, it also kind of turned me on. I am totally on board with her new found experiences & I have a feeling that sheís also enjoying the intimacy as well as the freedom a lot.

    We do plan to go to some clubs at the beginning of next month then I'll be visiting her for a few weeks. We also plan to going to some clubs and according to her demand does should be a little bit far from her place where the chance of people knowing her would be close to zero. We both will be there pretending not to know each other.

    I asked her to honestly tell me what would she be willing to do over there if no one actually recognises her. She said that she would really be able to properly enjoy herself if no one recognises her and she would be willing to let her boobs or ass be grabbed while dancing. In her own admission, the most she will enjoy is really kissing someone who she just met and see how things turn out.I am totally on board with her new found experiences & I have a feeling that sheís also enjoying the intimacy as well as the freedom a lot. That is why I am looking for ways to make her more comfortable with these relatively new things.

  5. #5

    Default Re: Need some advice regarding my wife's new experiences

    Quote Originally Posted by Newcouple17 View Post
    I don't really think religion should come into it, I mean which religion celebrates swinging/swapping? Although I do understand that some are far stricter in general.
    A marriage is about sharing your life and that includes fantasies, although fantasies are often rather different in reality!
    I'm guessing that you've been encouraging and have discussed what you would be happy with? If so then your wife should only do what she's happy doing and at the pace she's comfortable with. I'm also presuming that you won't be with her at the time?
    Personally I'd always want my husband to be a part of it.
    We're both pretty new and are still learning ourselves.
    We both are from a south asian muslim country, where usually you wont even see a girl wearing something that even shows her calves. By that standard, when she wore a mini dress/skirt or a top that showed massive cleavage (even at a club) was a pretty huge step for her. And in our country, apart from being in a business meeting, girls dont even shake hands with the guys due to religious reasons (it's extremely frowned upon). Being from there, it has been a quite positive change within a period of a year to hugging or kissing the guy friends on cheek. Even from her party photos you could tell that she saw the funny side of being photobombed by getting grabbed from behind.
    Regarding what would we be happy with, yeah, we've had quite a few discussions and I have told her that I am open to anything, so it's her prerogative. And because of my work & her studies, we are staying in two different cities for like 4 months or so. For that reason, I cannot be there for the next weeks party. She got the invitation via a friend of a friend or something, but really excited about it as it is happening at an exclusive high-end type of a place & she won't be around her known surroundings. She has hinted me that this time she'll probably be willing to go a little further & I wanna make her as comfortable as i can.

  6. #6

    Default Re: Need some advice regarding my wife's new experiences

    Quote Originally Posted by GoldCoCouple View Post
    What I don't understand is why you are not attending these events with her. One of the things that Ms. Gold enjoys is being able to let her guard down (however never with work friends...one must watch their reputation and not be known as the person who did THAT at the Co. Christmas party) knowing that she is safe because I still have her back. She enjoys the flirting and teasing, but only because if things start to get out of hand, I will step in and protect her. It's good that your wife is coming out of her shell, but I would suggest that you be there to cover her back...
    Thanks a lot for your advice. At present, due to my work & her studies, we are staying in two different cities for like 4 months. So, whenever she is off her extremely demanding study schedule, I encourage her to take short trips or occasionally to go to parties.

    For a long time, I fantasized about the idea of her being intimate with someone & finally a couple of years ago, I shared my that particular fantasy with her. To be honest, this fantasy just turns me on to my core. Slowly, I guess, she began to open up about this and over the past year or so, during our foreplays, we even tried out different things. Apart from telling dirty stories as I mentioned in the post, while being intimate, she also did some sexual (non-graphical) things online that turned both of us on.

    When she showed me some pictures with some guy grabbing her from behind from the last party I mentioned earlier, it also kind of turned me on. I am totally on board with her new found experiences & I have a feeling that she’s also enjoying the intimacy as well as the freedom a lot.

    We do plan to go to some clubs at the beginning of next month then I'll be visiting her for a few weeks. We also plan to going to some clubs and according to her demand does should be a little bit far from her place where the chance of people knowing her would be close to zero. We both will be there pretending not to know each other.

    I asked her to honestly tell me what would she be willing to do over there if no one actually recognises her. She said that she would really be able to properly enjoy herself if no one recognises her and she would be willing to let her boobs or ass be grabbed while dancing. In her own admission, the most she will enjoy is really kissing someone who she just met and see how things turn out.I am totally on board with her new found experiences & I have a feeling that she’s also enjoying the intimacy as well as the freedom a lot. That is why I am looking for ways to make her more comfortable with these relatively new things.

  7. #7

    Default Re: Need some advice regarding my wife's new experiences

    From what your saying I can't imagine how restricting that must be, I certainly wouldn't be happy! So yes what might seem to someone like me from where I live like fairly minor things......wow, changes from everything you know is very hard, so yes a very long way forward in a fairly short period of time.
    Its just a shame you can't experience this as a couple, but I suppose commitments are making that difficult.

  8. #8

    Default Re: Need some advice regarding my wife's new experiences

    Quote Originally Posted by Newcouple17 View Post
    From what your saying I can't imagine how restricting that must be, I certainly wouldn't be happy! So yes what might seem to someone like me from where I live like fairly minor things......wow, changes from everything you know is very hard, so yes a very long way forward in a fairly short period of time.
    Its just a shame you can't experience this as a couple, but I suppose commitments are making that difficult.
    Thanks for your support and sweet remarks.
    Usually when u hear about conservatism, u might think of middle East. But, even there u can sometimes see a girl showing some skin, whereas in our country (as well as in neighboring few), sometimes even jeans is considered indecent even if she has ass covered with a long top. Moreover, girls always need to wear a piece of clothing (called stoles/dupatta) on top of the tops/dress to cover the shape of boobs. So, just imagine how it's like over there.

  9. #9

    Default Re: Need some advice regarding my wife's new experiences

    We've been together for a long time & we are really open to each other about our fantasies. At the beginning, she used to be just a traditional conservative south Asian girlfriend/wife due to the social & religious upbringing. She used to be quite Traditional in respect to sexual preference, dressing up etc.

    When I first shared my fantasies with her, she seemed quite perplexed by all these. But, slowly she began warm up to some of the ideas. She started sharing with me her thoughts about the dresses she'd like to wear if we visit/live in some other places. She was still conscious about dressing up because she wasn't entirely confident with her body. Although I just love her stacked body, she's not​ a fan of her D cups because of being only 1.55m (5'1") tall.

    But, since being here, as her dressing style changed, I think she has become a little more confident (although still complains about her height). When at a gathering she wore mini skirts with a crop top & sent me the photos, I could see her being kinda proud of her looks.

    She has managed to overcome a lot of her psychological barriers in changing her dressing style. These days, based on the occasion, she always picks the appropriate dresses. The dress she has got for the next party that I mentioned in the post is a mini dress which really beautifully shows her cleavage too & she got it without my input at all.


  10. #10
    Swingers Board Addict alexandsandra's Avatar
    Status
    married couple

    Default Re: Need some advice regarding my wife's new experiences

    I realize that there are kajillion variations on a theme and all that. Also, that the world is a vast and socially complicated place. I've also shaken my head at a fair share of circumstances people place themselves in. Their simply seems something very incomplete in all this; to the point I question it's believability.

  11. #11

    Default Re: Need some advice regarding my wife's new experiences

    Quote Originally Posted by alexandsandra View Post
    I realize that there are kajillion variations on a theme and all that. Also, that the world is a vast and socially complicated place. I've also shaken my head at a fair share of circumstances people place themselves in. Their simply seems something very incomplete in all this; to the point I question it's believability.
    So, what are you suggesting I should do? I figured that my original post wasn't clear enough maybe, so in the last comment I tried to fill the gaps.

  12. #12
    Swingers Board Guide SW_PA_Couple's Avatar
    Status
    Happily married to a wild woman
    SLS Profile
    SW_PA_COUPLE

    Default Re: Need some advice regarding my wife's new experiences

    Quote Originally Posted by scratched View Post
    So, what are you suggesting I should do? I figured that my original post wasn't clear enough maybe, so in the last comment I tried to fill the gaps.
    My impression is that you filled the gaps admirably. I’m happy to read that you are both gaining confidence.
    LSTRNE

  13. #13

    Default Re: Need some advice regarding my wife's new experiences

    Quote Originally Posted by SW_PA_Couple View Post
    My impression is that you filled the gaps admirably. Iím happy to read that you are both gaining confidence.
    Thank you. Any particular advice me to give to her?

  14. #14
    Swingers Board Guide SW_PA_Couple's Avatar
    Status
    Happily married to a wild woman
    SLS Profile
    SW_PA_COUPLE

    Default Re: Need some advice regarding my wife's new experiences

    Quote Originally Posted by scratched View Post
    Thank you. Any particular advice me to give to her?
    Neither of you should try to go too far or go too fast. It is good that she going to dress up in something new and attend a party. You should both have a good time but don't try to manage an outcome at a social event. Allow you wife to develop her own reasons for wanting to do things.
    LSTRNE

  15. #15

    Default Re: Need some advice regarding my wife's new experiences

    Quote Originally Posted by SW_PA_Couple View Post
    Neither of you should try to go too far or go too fast. It is good that she going to dress up in something new and attend a party. You should both have a good time but don't try to manage an outcome at a social event. Allow you wife to develop her own reasons for wanting to do things.
    I understood from the other suggestions that setting up boundaries are really important & for the time being, I have already talked to her about the party I mentioned in the original post. Naturally, we both are completely ok with her dancing with other guys. Hugging is another thing that is quite normal to me. In my eyes, being married doesn't mean that my wife cannot hug another guy friend and by that I mean not half hearted sideways hug or something, rather the regular frontal ones.

    When I told her that in the party dancing with other guys is completely OK, she asked me that what if she enjoys this time if a guy's hands go near her boobs or ass. So, I have told her clearly that as long as she enjoys, I'd also immensely enjoy a guy going near or touching her boobs or ass. We both have discussed about it a lot and she knows about my fantasies too. So, I made it clear to her that this time I would wholeheartedly welcome her up to the point of kissing.

  16. #16

    Default Re: Need some advice regarding my wife's new experiences

    Quote Originally Posted by SW_PA_Couple View Post
    My impression is that you filled the gaps admirably. I’m happy to read that you are both gaining confidence.
    For what it's worth, I mentioned in my additional comment that although she seems to think her body is too stacked (which isn't the case at all IMO), I feel she looks absolutely beautiful in short dresses. If anyone interested, for the reference, can check out the album in my profile. I'd definitely love to hear the feedback too.

  17. #17

    Default Re: Need some advice regarding my wife's new experiences

    It sometimes takes a day or two for new users to have their album approved. We're looking forward to seeing it and will provide feedback once it appears.

    For what it's worth: saying too stacked is like saying you have too much money...
    If you donít have to lie about sex, you donít have to lie about anything. - John Williamson


  18. #18

    Default Re: Need some advice regarding my wife's new experiences

    I wish I could just reach out and touch you both. Iím also from a conservative Muslim background/country. I went to boarding school in England I was sexually active (discretely) with girls there, Muslim girls too. I decided I wanted to lose my virginity there at age 16, so I did. But the school was suffocating me and I was glad to get out and come to study in the US for college. I threw out my conservative attire and vowed to become sexually liberated. The first week there I even went to a nude beach and got totally naked. It felt so refreshingly free. I was very lucky to have met a nice couple there who seduced me and introduced me to swinging. And Iíve been a (young) swinger ever since. I go to parties every few weeks and Iíve met so many wonderful people.
    With me it all happened so fast. But I made it happen. I was determined to be sexually open, got very lucky, and hooked up with a good crowd, and the rest has been one continuous orgasm.
    My first advice- go to a nude beach, or encourage her to go alone or with friends. She might get lucky as I did.

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