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  1. #1

    Default Help, she wants to swing separately

    Almost a year old in swinging. Wife gets more prospects then I do, married and single. She is way much more open to the swinging than I am. We have had, soft play, swap same room and a threesome MMF. We have not found the couple that interests us both. Either the male half is not to her liking or the female half in not interested in Me. How do I get over the anxiety of her getting or wanting single play?

  2. #2
    Swingers Board Addict njbm's Avatar
    SLS Profile

    Default Re: Help, she wants to swing separately

    I think that separate play is for Swingers with a lot of experience. We are moderately experienced and we are hesitant to play in separate rooms at the same party.

    It is very hard to get a four way match, but I think that you are far from playing separately if you are anxious about it. Take baby steps and enjoy the ride.

  3. #3

    Default Re: Help, she wants to swing separately

    First off, welcome to the Swingers Board.

    The first thing you have to have is absolute trust in each other. If you don't have that yet, then I would work on that together before considering swinging separately.

    The next thing you have to have is a healthy sense of compersion, or them being happy makes you equally as happy.

    Next would be that you are 110% in this together, no matter what the details may be. That kind of ties back to the compersion thing. Most couples who swing separately still see the swinging unit as the couple, and not as two individuals, so even though only one may be there physically, they both are there in spirit.

    Finding compatible couples can be a lot of hard work and take patience, but it's worth it in the long run. Just based on what little I know about your situation, I would be cautious with the swinging solo thing right now. Instead, try to redouble your efforts on finding a couple you both are attracted to and comfortable with. Find that and all sorts of possibilities open up.
    Not all those who wander are lost

  4. #4
    Active Member CostaRica's Avatar
    Couple - She Posts
    SLS Profile

    Default Re: Help, she wants to swing separately

    Firstly, remember that you absolutely do not have to agree with this if you don't want to. This is a two yes one no situation and if you're not 100% then your no should halt all proceedings.

    If on the other hand this is something that you want to do, you are intellectually happy with the idea but are just dealing with some misbehaving emotions, then I would start by figuring out why you're anxious. What is the fear or worry that you have. Figuring that out is usually the first step to overcoming anxiety of any sort.

  5. #5

    Default Re: Help, she wants to swing separately

    Always move at the speed of the slowest member...since you are hesitant about her swinging alone, then she should respect that and not consider it any longer. We think of swinging as a team sport and her becoming a free agent isn't going to help the team. Until you are ready (IF you are ever ready...and that's okay too) swinging separately should be taken off the board.
    If you don’t have to lie about sex, you don’t have to lie about anything. - John Williamson

  6. #6

    Default Re: Help, she wants to swing separately


    We're quite new in this too, but I just wanted to share our experience to inspire you. We opened up our marriage, after 14 years happily together, 6 months ago. From the start, I (the wife) very much wanted to meet other guys solo. My husband didn't feel like keeping me from this, though he preferred not to be excluded form my adventures. So we agreed on telling each other 'as much as possible', and both created dating site accounts. From the start it was obvious that it was much more easy for me to meet guys, then for him to meet other ladies. Simply because there are not that many ladies on those apps looking for casual sex.
    I started seeing the first guy after a month, and from then on every 2 or 3 weeks different guys. In the beginning it was quite stressful for both of us, not knowing what this would lead to concerning our own sex life, but after 2 or 3 months the stress reduced and we started to visit swingers clubs, to have some shared experiences as well.
    For us the key to success, was the fact that we were very honest and open about our thoughts and feelings towards ourselves and each other. I think openness and trust is what you need to fully enjoy the swingers lifestyle. The fact that my hubby acknowledged my desire and need to feel free, made me love him even more. Our sex life has never been better. He loves to see how much attention I get, and how this turns me on. I hope that my experience will inspire you in any way. Please feel free to reply or contact me if you like to talk about your own experiences.


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