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  1. #1
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    Default How secure is your open marriage?

    My wife and I enjoy an open marriage. But I am not so proud as to believe that nothing can go wrong. What are the foundational elements that insulate a marriage from harm while it remains open?
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  2. #2

    Default Re: How secure is your open marriage?

    Well, I'm fairly new to the practice myself but I'll still chime in with the obvious: communication. Open, honest, truthful communication.

  3. #3

    Default Re: How secure is your open marriage?

    I will agree with the need for open communication.

    You never know for sure, but the risk of an open relationship is worth the thrill and fun for us. We're not completely open or poly, but we do have many freedoms and emotions beyond swinging.

    I'll add that prioritizing my husband is something I feel is really important. It can be easy to get distracted by other lovers. I think you have to keep on guard to keep your marriage first.

    I feel that we are fairly secure because we have a commitment to each other and our kids. You can never know for sure what your spouse is truly thinking and feeling. You can only know yourself. I know that my marriage and family is my top priority so I feel comfortable engaging with others.

    My husband is very upfront and open. He is also not interested in making attachments. I am ok with him falling for someone, as long as it's in the open. In 8 years of swinging and seeing many of the same people over and over, he's never met someone he's crazy about. (I have several times). It's possible it could happen, but I think we would embrace the situation and make it work.
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  4. #4

    Default Re: How secure is your open marriage?

    I agree with all, good communication is the first thing one must have.

    After that comes a strong foundation, and I think that holds true no matter what degree of open your relationship is, from same room soft swap on up to totally open. A strong foundation gets built block by block, and I think relationships are the same way. Everything you share, the good and the bad, are another block and another step through life you took together. Sometimes you might not have been totally in stride with each other for each of those steps, but you kept going and one way or another moved forward. That is why I think it is extremely difficult for new relationships to succeed in any type of open arrangement, there just hasn't been time for that foundation to have been built and have cured to maximum strength. I won't say it's impossible, because there's always the exceptions, I just think it is really really difficult, and when it doesn't work out like they hoped, I don't think you can always lay that at the feet of one or both people involved...it was just asking too much of the relationship itself at that point in time.
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