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Wife suggesting that I find a friend

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Nonsexywife posted a similar problem that my wife and I have. The only difference is that she posted about her instead of me posting about us. I'm the husband posting.

 

My wife and I have played with others off and on for about 2 years now. My wife is beautiful, curvy and when we first started dating, sex was an every night thing. We married and along with that and mixing two families, divorce problems with my ex, child custody issues with my ex and her work and some health issues, her drive is gone. She knows and has acknowledged that I have a higher drive than she does. There have been times that I questioned what I had done because she just had no desire for us to be intimate having set aside the swinging part.

 

She has suggested on more than two occasions that I find a female to release my frustrations with. I don't really want this. I want my wife. I told her when we started this, I would never cheat on her and we would always play together. I feel as though even though she is giving me permission, it's still cheating. My second concern is this. I worry that IF I were to find another woman to play with that my wife would not want to have sex with me any at all making the situation worse. I have asked her this and her response is "I don't know how I would feel."

 

So can you see my hesitation here? She has been cheated on in past relationships, bad and that is one thing I have never done even with my first wife. It's something I feel very strongly about.

 

When we do have sex, it's mind blowing. She is very orgasmic, loves anal, toys and bedroom talk. She even talks about us finding her a man with a big cock to fill her up while I watch her and it sets her off. It's getting her "started".

 

Hell, she has even offered to lay there and let me get it and get off but I care so much about her that I want her to enjoy it as well and I get upset when she doesn't. I beg to eat her out so I don't understand this. I'm not asking her to do anything kinky or get on top or anything that would tire her out. I don't know what to do. There are times like this week that she's been more open to sex and toys and even let me use a plug in her ass and said "I need my ass fucked more often". which I immediately replied, "well, I can help you with that" but last night I was on my own with her playing with my nipples.

 

Any suggestions?

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This problem is very individual. How you proceed completely depends on your relationship. Your post is full of great information and I seem to understand the situation, but you know you, and you know her.

 

Sex is a big part of a lot of relationships but it doesn't necessarily have to be. You could continue in your current state with few if any problems. Look at the bright side: She was playing with your nipples for you rather than leaving the room in disgust that you were masturbating. She is very open minded and understands your needs. She is still having great sex sometimes, better than never.

 

She said she doesn't know how she will feel. That's a nice honest answer. A couple years ago I was given a hall pass for a very different reason. I did take her up on it. I was devastated to see her reaction. Intense depression. I wish I had not done it. I will say that my guilt over that kinda cured my desire for what I was looking for. Not worth the pain. Anyway, that's just my situation. If you look closely at yours, maybe the answer is there.

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She deserves credit for her honesty and her wanting to see you happy, and you deserve credit for not just thinking selfishly and wanting to just take the easy way out. It sounds like you have a good relationship with good communication, so I would try to look at this as just a bump in the road to be worked through and not a huge obstacle to overcome.

 

I think the hall pass offer, while it might sound appealing, is just a band-aid. I didn't go so far as to call it a short-term solution, because I don't even think it's a solution. I think you both would be best served to devote your time and energy to trying to come up with permanent fixes to those things that are consuming her drive. Work on eliminating or at least reducing that burden, and I suspect that the rest of it will work itself out on its own and you both find yourselves back in a place you are happy with.

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We have to agree, work on the issues causing the problems instead of taking a hall pass. Maybe even stop swinging for the time being. For some reason I'm thinking that the two of you need to reconnect and spend time together and it's best to remove any distractions for awhile. Let us know how things are progressing.

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We have to agree, work on the issues causing the problems instead of taking a hall pass. Maybe even stop swinging for the time being. For some reason I'm thinking that the two of you need to reconnect and spend time together and it's best to remove any distractions for awhile. Let us know how things are progressing.

 

We have not been swinging for many months now because of these issues. So that's not even in the equation. I was just saying that we HAD in the past.

 

Thanks to all of you for your input. I've learned a lot and it's opened my eyes. Maybe I'm worrying more than I should.

 

I owe you all.

 

John

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