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How should a man with an open marriage approach the "scene"?

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My wife and I have an open marriage that I haven't actually taken advantage of yet.

 

She has, and she is not really interested in meeting couples. I might work her up to it, but for now she much prefers to have her own boyfriend(s). I can't really blame her either. :)

 

At first I was so turned on by knowing she was having adventures I had no need of my own. I think that is "a thing", but it surprised her. :)

 

After a while I just felt like my life was too busy to take on the chore of developing other relationships.

 

Lately though, I've felt like it would be good to be more social. It did my wife a lot of good and I think it would be good for me too.

 

So how does a busy guy with an open marriage go about meeting women in a similar situation?

 

I live in a smallish conservative area, so there isn't a "scene" to hang out in.

I didn't do the whole "hang out at bars and pick up chicks" thing when I was single, so I have no skill and little interest in that.

 

I've signed up on a few online sites. Honestly online meeting scares the shit out of me. People are weird. :) But I'm getting braver and I've logged onto a few "swinger" sites and set up profiles. What I find immediately though is that the categories are "single male" and "couples", and "single males" are ignored by much of the population on the sites.

Are onlines sites even worth the bother anyway for me?

 

I've not found any clubs of any sort that cater to the lifestyle. Otherwise I'd go, and my wife would go with me. We might not "do" anything, but she would come and we could get to know the scene and maybe meet some people. There aren't any even close though, so that is out.

 

What are your thoughts? Are there places to meet such people?

Or is a "hall pass" really just something you keep in your back pocket for years until the right situation presents itself?

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I wouldn't totally rule out the online sites. You're right that listing as a single male makes things much more difficult, but I'm not sure that's really what you are. I would think of your situation as more of a couple who will play separately, so that's how I would set up the profile if it was me. While those kind of couples aren't anywhere near the majority, there are in fact a fair number of profiles like that, and those would be your best bet.

 

Are you interested in MFM threesomes? I think the best way to playing separately is playing together first. Once a couple has met and played with a single (or another couple), attraction and chemistry are proven to be present, and trust has developed, then it's more likely that they would be comfortable with some solo play for her. If that is something you are interested in, then I would do some threesomes and see what develops. You may not find anybody where those pieces fall into place, or you might. Either way though, everybody involved got to enjoy a threesome, and if anything beyond that develops, then great. That's kind of the key I think, don't try to push things, just let things develop organically.

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. . . What are your thoughts? Are there places to meet such people?

Or is a "hall pass" really just something you keep in your back pocket for years until the right situation presents itself?

My wife and I have an open marriage but my situation is different from yours. Owing to the fact that my wife and I have been sharing couples' activities at swingers' clubs and meet-n-greet events for many years, I come in contact with not only couples but also single women, some of whom I can call upon when I am looking to go out and have some fun of my own.

 

About swinger hook-up Web sites, my direct experience is that if I send an introductory note from our couple's profile and it contains any hint or suggestion of my acting on my own, it is almost invariably met with suspicion. It also causes other kinds of confusion such as arranging a meeting, showing up for the meeting and receiving the question, "where's you wife?" when I know I had made it clear in the exchanges of e-mail that they were going to meet only me. At a hook-up Web site, it is far better to set up a single-male profile then explain your situation and intentions as accurately as you are able. You will still receive accusations of cheating but it will overall work better for you.

 

There will be expense involved, time, patience, and persistence will be needed but the best path would be to become a member of one of those swingers' clubs that welcomes single men.

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I hate to say this but what about Ashley Madison. It seems just like the kinda place made for this.

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I would read and implement the pick up artist stuff. Basically it will help you meet and have sex with women everywhere. You will be basically acing as a single male so might as well make the best out of it. 'The Game' is one book reviewed on here, but there are others as well. You can pick and choose what you would like to implement.

 

I don't play with out my wife but still got to flirt with girls.

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