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teo13

Am I normal for being excited my wife has her own lover?

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We have done threesomes with a good black bud of ours and I have let my wife be with him now alone several times. I always find this exciting, but what I find more exciting is the idea that she gives herself totally to him during sex with making out, and love-making. They played last night and she let herself loose with him and she said she loved it and loves to have sex with him a lot. We're secure in our relationship and our Bud is way cool and not looking to steal her from me so no worries there. It just excites me like nothing before to have her be made love to from another man on a regular basis, and even spend the night with him. It totally turns me on while I'm making love to her when she tells me how much she loves what he does to her, describing some things in detail. Am I the only guy that's like this?

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The situation would not be for us, but if it turns your crank that's fantastic! Everyone takes something different from the lifestyle and there is no wrong way to go about it...just do what works for ya :)

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We experimented with this early in our marriage. Unfortunately, Mrs. Alura returned with a pretty boring story and I didn't find it all that exciting either, so we tabled the idea and never repeated it... well, maybe there were some similar...

 

Alura

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What you are describing is referred to by some as hotwifing or the hotwife lifestyle. Some here get their panties in a twist if you try to include it in the definition of "swinger". I have looked elsewhere and found forums for this specific topic.

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Thanks campgirl. Seems like I'm learning new stuff everyday and read some of the threads. Interesting on how some get tangled in terminology. But I didn't know it was called hotwifing and just looked that up and seems to be a match for what we're doing. I'm curious to hear from others who are into this hotwife lifestyle.

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Thanks campgirl. Seems like I'm learning new stuff everyday and read some of the threads. Interesting on how some get tangled in terminology. But I didn't know it was called hotwifing and just looked that up and seems to be a match for what we're doing. I'm curious to hear from others who are into this hotwife lifestyle.

 

It's not for us but if it is what you guys are into by all means carry on and enjoy...that's what it's all about :)

 

I will only add that the differences between hotwifing and swinging in MHO are more then just semantics. When I say that I mean no disrespect or condensation to those who enjoy the hotwife lifestyle, I just think there are some fundamental differences...but there is nothing wrong with that.

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I meant no disrespect. I know there are differences and nuances. It's hard to say where I fit in. I guess I'm eclectic, lol.

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I used to love having sex with my wife when she came home from her lover. She was so wet. She just wanted to go to sleep.

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That's what we usually do. After she comes home, I finish her off and while I'm doing her, she tells me details of how the night went, which in turn makes me hornier, and she loves how that response.

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We also find this to be great fun. We are apart sometimes but knowing she is out having sex just drives he just loves it. When we have had the opportunity, and she has come home wet from her play, its just over the top for us. We are very secure and enjoy this type of play. However, our MFMF fun and MFM fun is great too. We are just very open.

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We think that it should be a natural that this would excite you and you comfortable with it and even encourage it, that is if you are totally secure in you relationship and with swinging. If you are completely confident that your relationship is secure and you can wrap your mind around this (she will love you even more because of the total trust that she knows you have in her), then you will feel totally comfortable which then allows you to reach that exhilarating high of lustful feeling knowing that she is out there not just being fucked or made love to, but knowing that right now she is so totally blowing some lucky guy's mind. You know what she does for you, you can almost feel that in your groin, and you know that her playmate is having a good time and is going go home with such hot memories. When my hottie comes home freshly fucked, she wants more, she is wet with excitement, and if after play with a few select gentlemen, will be wet with a creamy filling, it is so good to get her when she is all fired up on this sexual high. So yes it is good and normal for you to be excited knowing that your special lady is out having a good time.

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I love Shell going out with her lovers. Right now she is out with a boyfriend, going to have dinner with him and then go back to hotel and have some hot times. My favorite encounters are when she comes home immediately and I get to feel how his dick changes her pussy when we make love afterwards. Alas I will not be that fortunate tonight, they are meeting out of town. Hopefully she will have him snap some pics of her sucking his dick and send the pictures to me soon.

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Personally, I would love it if my wife would do this. She is only interested in doing things if I am in the same room though. Perhaps this is something we can do later, but for now she is only comfortable with same room swaps. I would also be interested in having sex with just another woman I pick up and telling her about it but she is also very against that idea currently. I love the idea of actually watching her be with another man as well, which I get during a same room full swap, but I'd really like to go out to a singles bar with her, separately, and watch her get picked up then come home and tell me about what happened. If I happen to pick someone up while I am there too, great.

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My wife and I have been willing to give each other permission for playing on separate play dates for several months now (i.e., we're giving each other "hall passes"). In practice, this means that I'm using most of the hall passes, though the Mrs. kinda used one while we were on the Bliss Cruise. We're finding these days that my wife's appetite is a little less than mine is, so she graciously allows me to go out on solo play dates, with approval each time. I have met some fun single women (though I'm open to playing with couples, too), and had some great times! And I always give my wife a full report afterwards- not only because it's hot, but also to re-establish the fact that we are doing this with nothing to hide from each other. We think of this as an extension of the kind of separate play we often do at parties. And by the way, part of this arrangement is that the Mrs. plays just as much as she wants at parties, as many times as she wants and with as many people as she wants (which was happening anyway!), and no sulking on my part about how she gets to play more at parties!

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I wonder how this all worked out.

 

Since the OP's profile, now, identifies him as a single male, I'd hazard a guess of "Not well."

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I was married to a man and we were in the lifestyle but he kept pressuring me to be with other men alone. I was not comfortable with the idea at all. I actually had no interest. It helps to read these posts because I really thought he didn't love me when he pressured me to go out alone with other men. I found it very confusing. That is not the reason why we are not still together.

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The psychological term for getting sexually aroused by your wife fucking another man is

Zelophilia. We have enjoyed the Hotwife Lifestyle for a year now. She goes out on dates, sleeps over, mfm , mmfmm gang-bangs and we still play with our couples friends too. Im not cuckholded I just love her getting fucked and coming home to me. She loves getting fucked by who ever when ever she wants. ! Its great fun and works for us.

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Hmmmmm.... not sure "Zelophilia" would be the right term for most "hot wife" couples. I think it would tend to be more akin to "Compersion."

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I think Compersion describes polyamory perfectly. Most swinging married couples and of course there arent many absolutes but most swinging couples find joy in watching their spouse experiencing joy . This is true for husbands of hotwifes but as one myself I find eroticism beyond "compersion" knowing my wife is enjoying getting another man. Its a "fetish" . I become most sexual aroused by knowing she is fucking another man, wants another man and enjoys other men. Dont know how I got this fetish but I am not alone.

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well I think Zelophilia describes the male psychi of a hotwife and a cuckhold perfectly.

 

I get the impression zelophilia describes *part* of *some* hotwife/cuckold relationships.

 

I can see myself as prone to zelophilia. In my past, I've been powerfully aroused by jealousy regarding other women I was interested in. A girl I had a casual thing with for a few years knew she could rough sex out of me by giving me a hard time about her other partners. I don't think that would translate directly into hotwifing/cuckoldry, though. It seems like there's an additional power dynamic or level of permissiveness in the relationship in order to get there, something else to "get off on". Men who are interested in cuckoldry seem to often describe being specifically aroused by their powerlessness or even by their own deliberate humiliation. That's another layer past jealousy, I think?

 

I've had a soft swing experience with Mrs. EastInWest. It was before we were "official", and far from having any pretense of adultery. Other posters on this forum have talked about the "like a drug" feeling: when he was kissing her neck, when her bra came off, when I saw her head disappear into his lap. It was very raw, but not like what I've read people into cuckoldry describe. Is that zelophilia? I don't know.

 

On the other hand, while I was going down on her, Mrs. EastInWest inexplicably began climaxing hard at the thought of me cumming inside another woman, and wanted to talk about it in great detail. To this day, she still can't/won't explain exactly where it came from, but it also had nothing to do with jealousy. For a few minutes, she could visualize it clearly and was able to own the fact that she was loving it. I don't think it was the case, but I'd think a woman could potentially be aroused by a "female cuckold" sensation of powerlessness without heating up with jealousy.

 

I think Compersion describes polyamory perfectly. Most swinging married couples and of course there arent many absolutes but most swinging couples find joy in watching their spouse experiencing joy . This is true for husbands of hotwifes but as one myself I find eroticism beyond "compersion" knowing my wife is enjoying getting another man. Its a "fetish" . I become most sexual aroused by knowing she is fucking another man, wants another man and enjoys other men. Dont know how I got this fetish but I am not alone.

 

I wasn't familiar with this term, but the definition of compersion seems to be some kind of shared/vicarious/indirect emotional experience. I can understand that, but I do agree that the erotic/sexual experience is something different, and I think they don't necessarily come as a package.

 

Put bluntly, watching Mrs. EastInWest suck cock would be erotic to me even if she has no particular regard for the man in her mouth.

 

I guess the point is that there are lots of different ways/reasons to be aroused by this, even in a relatively specific context like hotwifing.

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When teo13 asked was he normal for being excited his wife has a lover Id say no hes not normal. He is like me he has the cuckhold fetish in him. He is not alone there are many married couples into this. I get off on her activities and have no desire for another lover.

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Yeah, I think the poly community is trying too claim ownership of the term "compersion," but it really only means (in this context) , "The feeling of joy associated with seeing a loved one love another; contrasted with jealousy." Zelophilia, on the other hand, describes "Sexual arousal from jealousy. "

 

So, they seem to be mutually exclusive. When my wife is with other people, I don't feel any jealousy, but I do enjoy her having a good time.

 

Zelophilia, seems more closely associated with cuckoldry.

 

We don't do the hotwife thing, so maybe there is a component of that I have missed....

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Zelophilia, seems more closely associated with cuckoldry.

 

We don't do the hotwife thing, so maybe there is a component of that I have missed....

 

Only realized this was in the Open Marriage forum after I posted. Sometimes, the distinct "swinging separately" crowd seems to have a different perspective on what is arousing than those who are more interested in "swinging together".

 

Anyway, I've always interpreted those words as being different in that "hotwifing" refers to the wife playing for her own enjoyment with the husband's sanction, where the point of "cuckolding" is to play out a fantasy of the husband being betrayed, denied by his wife, even dominated by her and her bull. In both of these, the wife is in the driver's seat, but for different reasons.

 

I could be misinterpreting those words, and I could also be misinterpreting zelophilia, but I'd have expected it would be more akin to the hotwifing scenario. Mrs. EastInWest flirting, groping, fucking, etc. could be arousing due to jealousy. If it turned into the type of psychology I see described in "cuckold" narratives, I think we'd both end up having a bad time, so I have difficulty seeing them as linked. (Harder for me to understand what people see in their wife doing it where they can't see/hear, but to each their own.)

 

It's an interesting thread, because we sometimes have difficulty figuring out exactly what it is that we're into. A term or the gray area around it can seem interesting but then when we look into it, the way it's used veers off into a space that isn't appealing for our particular interest.

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When my husband brought up me being a Hotwife, I thought he was joking.  When I realized he was serious I thought it was just a fantasy and tried some role play pretending he was an illicit affair I was hiding from my husband, which he loved, but he still asked for me to sleep with other guys.  I resisted at first cause I thought it was crazy, but I eventually realized I REALLY wanted to sleep with a guy in my yoga class that flirted shamlessly with me.  I dove into the hotwife world and have been fucking around for 5 years now.  My husband loves it, he likes to think of me acting on any sexual gratification I desire.  

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