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PTTimeDC

Wife has boyfriend, wants me to have girlfriend, but how?

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My wife and I have been swinging for years and recently she fell for a guy she works with. They've have been friends for a while. I've met him and like him and their flirting turned to more as soon as I told her I approved and had a fantasy of her having a boyfriend; a guy she can call, text, go on dates with and, yes, fuck when she wants to.

 

We are both having a ball with this and now she is telling me I need a girlfriend so she doesn't worry about my boredom when they're out. I'm not against the idea but I have NO idea how to find a girlfriend when I'm a married dude and will readily admit it to any prospective woman. My wife will know everything and I think that might put off "normal" girlfriends.

 

Does anyone have experience with this and can you offer advice?

 

Thanks!

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The closest I have come was with an ex who had several bf's, and we looked for a 3rd partner or another couple, but never managed to hookup with anyone. During this I had one friend I got with occasionally. She was someone I knew from before the ex and I got together.

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Ok first question, are you famous?

 

Famous men will have success in this because many women are attracted to that fame and will want to tell their BFF they are having sex with some famous man.

 

Are you rich?

 

Now this is related to famous (rich and famous is best), but just being rich can help, even if they know you won't leave your wife because they could use the money and want to be pampered. This would be the classic mistress.

 

Are you demi-god like in your looks?

 

Are you the kind of guy that all the women turn their heads to see when you walk in a bar? Do you see one woman nudge the one next to them as you walk by to make sure her friend sees just how attractive you are? If so you are in luck, you can be a no strings boy toy.

 

Now assuming you are not famous, rich, or extremely attractive, you have a problem, and a problem we have seen many many many many many...many... times on this board.

 

The wife finds a 'boyfriend' in 2 to 3 days, and the guy is all happy for her and stuck waiting up on Friday night.

 

The reason for this is simple. We men will take any fuck if we find the woman attractive. Sure you are married but your husband doesn't mind? OK lets fuck.

 

Now lets look at it from the woman's prospective....

 

Sure you are married and your wife doesn't mind? Why would I have sex with you, when there are 10 single males and two married ones who are rich and might leave their wives over there? Whats in it for me? I can get casual sex at the drop of my panties, you need to bring something besides a dick to the table.

 

Open relationships are rare, there won't be many women like that on the 'market'. Single males who are just happy to get laid are plentiful, I know I would be one were I single and wasn't having sex. I used to be one, it was called college.

 

Basically what I'm saying is you might look for ages and never find anyone to just be your FB no strings attached. You are far more likely to find a woman who wanted to cheat on her husband than anything else.

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Chicup is right again!

 

We used to avoid this problem by having a boyfriend and a girlfriend who were married to each other. The dating was just as much fun, if not more so, than trying to deal with the other problems.

 

Alura

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Chicup is right on target with the situation you're in.

 

There are few women who want an ongoing relationship with a married man unless he has something extra...money, fame, fantastic looks and charm. If you don't have those extras but you find a woman to be your FB, the woman will be hoping you'll eventually leave your wife for her.

 

LM

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Nobody else has said it, so I will; playing with someone at work is playing with fire. :redflag:

 

As others have said above, you finding a girlfriend is going to be tricky at best. It CAN be done, but you're going to have to work at it very, very hard and be very, very patient. You'll have more success being a regular for MFM's with another couple. Even then, it will take a lot of effort.

 

Best advice; be happy with your wife having a boyfriend, and you being home alone.

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I have a serious relationship with my friend's wife, but he doesn't have any girlfriend and he doesn't need...

 

We all happy, especially me :)

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Nobody else has said it, so I will; playing with someone at work is playing with fire. :redflag:

 

Actually I think there is even more to that fire here, but decided I was being enough of a Debby Downer to start.

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recently she fell for a guy she works with.

 

First off Chicup made one of the top ten posts of the year there. Great job Chicup!

 

Second, my concern would be about the part of your post I quoted.

 

Swinging is not about falling for someone. That goes out of the bounds of Swinging. That steps over to fulfilling something that should only be fulfilled withing the relationship. Emotions and love. If that is being taken care of at home then she would not "fall" for someone outside of the home.

 

I would be looking into that.

 

Her suggestion of a girl friend for you might be to ease her mind about her "falling" for someone else outside of your relationship.

 

Hopefully I am totally off base but common sense tells me I am not.

 

Third is you don't play with those at work. When things go bad there, and they will is it worth risking a job in this current economy?

 

Glad your asking questions here but I think you are asking the wrong one.

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Ok first question, are you famous?

 

Famous men will have success in this because many women are attracted to that fame and will want to tell their BFF they are having sex with some famous man.

 

Are you rich?

 

Now this is related to famous (rich and famous is best), but just being rich can help, even if they know you won't leave your wife because they could use the money and want to be pampered. This would be the classic mistress.

 

Are you demi-god like in your looks?

 

Are you the kind of guy that all the women turn their heads to see when you walk in a bar? Do you see one woman nudge the one next to them as you walk by to make sure her friend sees just how attractive you are? If so you are in luck, you can be a no strings boy toy.

 

Now assuming you are not famous, rich, or extremely attractive, you have a problem, and a problem we have seen many many many many many...many... times on this board.

 

The wife finds a 'boyfriend' in 2 to 3 days, and the guy is all happy for her and stuck waiting up on Friday night.

 

The reason for this is simple. We men will take any fuck if we find the woman attractive. Sure you are married but your husband doesn't mind? OK let's fuck.

 

Now lets look at it from the woman's prospective...

 

Sure you are married and your wife doesn't mind? Why would I have sex with you, when there are 10 single males and two married ones who are rich and might leave their wives over there? Whats in it for me? I can get casual sex at the drop of my panties, you need to bring something besides a dick to the table.

 

Open relationships are rare, there won't be many women like that on the 'market'. Single males who are just happy to get laid are plentiful, I know I would be one were I single and wasn't having sex. I used to be one, it was called college.

 

Basically what I'm saying is you might look for ages and never find anyone to just be your FB no strings attached. You are far more likely to find a woman who wanted to cheat on her husband than anything else.

 

Chicup, thanks for the time you put into this reply!!! I read it through a few times and I think you're probably (unfortunately for me) exactly right. I'm a normal guy all the way around and I do NOT have the time nor the desire to invest tons of time into pursuing a lady---I came to that realization last night while I was thinking about this. I'm happy with my wife and don't want to waste time developing anything more than NSA with someone else...it's just not worth it to me. I guess the convenient situation is unrealistic; thanks for helping me see that :)

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Chicup is right on target with the situation you're in.

 

There are few women who want an ongoing relationship with a married man unless he has something extra...money, fame, fantastic looks and charm. If you don't have those extras but you find a woman to be your FB, the woman will be hoping you'll eventually leave your wife for her.

 

LM

 

Thanks LM for the insight!! That's definitely NOT a situation I want to deal with.

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Swinging is not about falling for someone. That goes out of the bounds of Swinging. That steps over to fulfilling something that should only be fulfilled withing the relationship. Emotions and love. If that is being taken care of at home then she would not "fall" for someone outside of the home.

 

I would be looking into that.

 

Her suggestion of a girl friend for you might be to ease her mind about her "falling" for someone else outside of your relationship.

 

 

Thanks Vegaslee, I think it was my poor choice of words. "Fall" is not what happened. It's been my fantasy for a long time for her to have a bf and we talked about it for over two years. We agreed on the guy before even the slightest of flirting happened and I we are very open about the communication, as are he and I. My poor choice of words but thank you for the input.

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PTTimeDC, I feel for you. I am in a similar situation, except my wife is not interested in pursuing other relationships but has given me permission to "swing around." Well, after paying for a few sites in which I said that I am married with permission, guess what - there was no need to call the cops to disperse the desperate ladies who wanted to f&^& a dude like me.

 

Being 35, looking for a 20+ years older playmate (a long term fantasy of mine) I though that I will have at least some success - well, not so much for now.

 

Maybe we should start a support group: Underf__ed Husbands of Generous Wives, Inc.

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PTTimeDC, I feel for you. I am in a similar situation, except my wife is not interested in pursuing other relationships but has given me permission to "swing around." Well, after paying for a few sites in which I said that I am married with permission, guess what - there was no need to call the cops to disperse the desperate ladies who wanted to f&^& a dude like me.

 

Being 35, looking for a 20+ years older playmate (a long term fantasy of mine) I though that I will have at least some success - well, not so much for now.

 

Maybe we should start a support group: Underf__ed Husbands of Generous Wives, Inc.

 

Nllswing, I hear you, LOL. I'd join the support group in a second. I think the irony for me is that you hear of all these unhappy marriages and women who aren't satisfied with their sex lives, some to the point of completely giving up on it, yet none of them are out there trolling for a guy to have some great NSA sex! I don't get it.

 

Well, may you find some luck in your search as I look for mine....never say never, and all that stuff.

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I have none of the characteristics described by Chicup. Those certainly make it easier but it’s not imposable. The time-line and process is much different for men than women.

 

First rule with any prospective girlfriend is never lie. You’ll waste a lot of time.

 

Read “how to succeed with women” Amazon.com: How to Succeed with Women (9780735200302): Ron Louis, David Copeland: Books and implement the advice given. I wish I had read this in High School.

 

Plan on having no results for 2-3 months and by results I mean a date.

 

There are plenty of women that don’t want a full-time relationship. You just have to find them in a way women are receptive to.

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All I can say is keep your hopes up...I am the girlfriend to a guy in the reverse situation as you. He has a girlfriend with his significant other's ok and total knowledge, while she does not have a boyfriend and has no great interest in it.

 

So, it can happen :)

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Years ago I ran across a fellow who owned a liquor store and had a few gf's/customers. His wife was into the local social scene and didn't care what he did as long as she could do her thing. This guy really knew how to talk with and please women and kept a few happy when he made his lunch time deliveries.

 

Something that I imagine some of us have dreamed of. Not really swinging, but a case where the wife knew what was going on and tacitly approved.

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I have to wonder what sort of people need a lunch time delivery of liquor and while we are at it, how many were married.

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I have to wonder what sort of people need a lunch time delivery of liquor and while we are at it, how many were married

 

I'm kinda amazed they would have liquor delivery. Guessing that sort of thing is legal in some states, don't believe it is here.

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Never thought about the legality of liquor delivery here in CT, but then I grew up in Oklahoma in the 50's and all we had were bootleggers. The state was dry until September 1959. His was a "personalized" service. Have no idea if these ladies were married.

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I can imagine plenty of businesses that would accept lunch time deliveries of alcohol. The poster didn't differentiate.

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Guest rdy46227

She needs to be involved in finding one. She can check out the gossip, friends of friends, rumors about who might be interested/available. she can start a message going about your availability. She can be wing-woman if you go out looking.

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Well I have found that meeting other couples that like to to swing separately is a way to go. I have two girlfriends off of two couples and I am trying for a third. Reason for that is our schedules don't match right now and the dates aren't as often. With the two right now, I see one of them each month. My wife meets the male from one of the couples, and then she has her single male friend. I am very passionate and a romantic and find that a lot of women miss that.

 

My wife and I both have a large appetites and do also love mfm and fmf with these couples. Don't know if that's rare, but it works for us.

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We used to play with a couple that had an open marriage. She had many boyfriends, and all those guys were in the position you're in. So it does happen. I imagine it's like the proverbial needle and haystack in terms of odds though.

 

Would never work for us but the great thing about life is you get to live, for the most part, by your own rules.

 

Boris

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I run with the polyamorous crew in Austin. The hubby's find girlfriends too.

 

I must admit, I do miss the casual sex, especially of the naughtier type.

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Some people prefer to call it a playmate, some a girlfriend, some whatever.

My wife calls her favored guy a boyfriend, and it doesn't bother me.

 

I called my preferred gal a playmate. Sadly mine is moving out of state soon so I'll need to find another.

 

We've had the best luck with other couples who are open to separate play. My wife's boyfriend is a hubby, and while I've been with his wife, we dont play as frequently as my wife and her boyfriend do. We all text or talk with each other every few days or so, it's pretty cool actually.

 

My current playmate is a divorcée who is currently single, which actually seems to be the common type of single female that I've encountered.

 

As for finding a gal playmate, what I've done is just meeting people at events and going from there. And if you find one that "clicks" with you, maybe you will play more frequently and there you go.

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My take on this is that if you are married and are going to swing, the two of you best do it together. As has been said before by others, your woman will have no problem finding guys who are interested, but my experience has taught me that women are far more likely to not show a keen interest in a married guy who is on the prowl.

 

My ex wanted to go it alone and eventually that is how our marriage ended. She said it best, I think when she said,"if we can't find a playmate for you, what am I doing with you?"

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I think it will be difficult to find.

 

You are right, most single women will not go for this idea when you are married.

 

The best option is to go for a married couple, which will help keep the both you more involved together, which is in my opinion a better option anyway.

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If she's really concerned about the OP being "bored on Friday night" then why doesn't she offer to have a MFM with the new guy and the husband?

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I know this is an old post but I've been curious about this b/f-g/f thing with couples. Our first play-couple are exploring this. The wife has a b/f but the husband is having a hard time finding a g/f. Does this really work or is it just asking for trouble?

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I am sure there is a rare few it does. But I have personally watched this go down the tubes! I think it adds too much emotional responsibility to others that are suppose to be NSA to begin with. My personal opinion.

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The wife has a b/f but the husband is having a hard time finding a g/f.

 

That would be the norm. Husbands that find a g/f quickly are the exception to the rule.

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We have an open marriage and usually have long-term play mates.

 

When I look for a potential BF I look for single man who is busy with his career and has his mind free from all family obligations and his wife needs. He values his time and wants meet on a regular basis to have good sex and wants to relieve stress of everyday life. He can host, has a nice house with ton of music and he lives close to me. He knows how to make a girl happy, he is reasonably cute and in a decent shape.Oh, and he needs to be able to play in a condom at least for a couple first times. Not many men can stay hard with condoms.

 

I do have a lot of problems to find that perfect BF I want though. :D They are very rare species.

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Chicup's post was pretty brutal but it is 99% true. I say 99% because out of 100 women, at lease one will be attracted to a man regardless of his money, looks and fame. Those are the ones who just find you "cool in some way" but apart from that, a married guy finding girls is pretty hard in most situations.

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Chicup's post was pretty brutal but it is 99% true. I say 99% because out of 100 women, at lease one will be attracted to a man regardless of his money, looks and fame. Those are the ones who just find you "cool in some way" but apart from that, a married guy finding girls is pretty hard in most situations.

Is that because we are considered "used goods"?:lol:

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I believe that the spouse/SO needs to help find the girl friend. It is easier for the female to find others that would be interested in this type of arrangement and discuss it openly (giving permission in a way) about having sex with their husbands/boyfriends. She needs to PIMP you out to these ladies and it will require some extra effort. If for some reason she is not willing to assist with finding yours, then you might want to question the real reasons for hers. She should be more than interested in helping if she wants to see you as happy as her (selflessness, giving, compersion, etc).

 

You could go to the local Bars (Hotel Bars are even better) and find an undersexed married woman that needs a little action on the side. Just remember those are the cheaters and they tend to come with there own set of problems.

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We have had success finding 'unicorns' who are in sexless marriages.

 

Basically, they are horny and their husbands can't really perform so we fit the bill. We meet them together and play together, but I know a few women that would be interested in a one on one with me.

 

They like that we are attached so that there is no 'deepening' of the relationship.

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