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What's the divorce rate among swingers?

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What's the statistic of divorce rate of swingers in the lifestyle? How many people are not happier with this kind of relationship?

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A few things to note.

 

That "article' is four years old and they used OLD info when writing it.

 

Many moons ago I would agree that the divorce rate was lower then the general public.

 

In the last ten years I honestly that has changed greatly.

 

Since this "social swinging" craze has taken over the divorce rate of swingers has gone way up. You don't see near as many long time "Swingers" still married as you used to.

 

I base this on seeing 800 to 1000 people each week and also 25+ years of going to conventions that have 100's/1000's of people at them.

 

We have seen many, MANY more divorces in the last Ten years then in the past 20 before that.

 

Couples are "dating", becoming involved in others daily lives and emotions start running high as does attachment. When that happens you see personal lives fall apart many times.

 

Even over the years here on Swingers board we now see more people posting about how "hurt" they are that they broke up with another couple that they were exclusive with. Do the search, you will see that number has increased from the days of when this forum started.

 

Once upon a time this was about recreational sex. Over time it became about being "Friends" and much more. Most relationships can't handle the more. The recreational sex part was much easier when emotions were not involved in this "Hobby."

 

There will be some that say I am wrong about this. Mainly those that don't see the "numbers" that I am exposed too every year and have not been around this for 35+ years.

 

Even the founder of the "Lifestyles" organization who said this is all about couples has had more than his fair share of wives. I guess his theories did not play out well in reality.

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I don't know whether the divorce rate is higher lower or the same for swingers vs the general population. But I don't think anecdotal evidence is good evidence...

 

My own anecdotal evidence is that the longer I'm around the more I see couples divorce. It's not that the divorce rate is higher than it was 20 years ago when we got married, but just the plain fact of the matter that not many make it to "until death do we part." Among the young couples the divorce rate is high for any number of reasons. Seems many are looking for a reason to break up, if they get caught up in the social swing craze it would be just one of those reasons young couples are likely to breakup.

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In the last ten years I honestly that has changed greatly.

 

Agree completely. I think it is pretty much vanilla normal these days. Mind you I'm only counting LONG time swingers, not fix your marriage types that always end up in divorce.

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I also agree with VegasLee.

 

Those who seek friends first for sex are the ones that make too much out of swinging. Keeping it simple has been thrown out the window. I'm only in it for the sex. Not a close friendship.

 

I have problems with meeting some people for dinner or drinks first before having sex. Unfortunately, since we have no clubs..... I've said it before and I'll say it again: It's easier to have sex with some people than to share a meal with them.

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Good subject :)

 

I should think it's really hard to obtain any true statistics on this. First off, and given how society views swinger/open relationships, whatever they are called this week ! discretion is of course paramount. Add on top of that sex being one of the two things people lie about the most (the other being money) :)

 

I think the problems come from people getting into a more open lifestyle without thinking about how they might cope with the consequences. Everyone who goes into this has a story to tell, if pressed, about problems they encountered in their relationship, and HOPEFULLY how they resolved (and are continuing to resolve) them. It's a process. The only end goal, if one may use a sports reference, is toward "compersion"--deriving pleasure from your partner's pleasure and vice-versa, be you there or not. This is not an easy route to take, and is made more difficulty depending on each person's "baggage."

 

I don't think sex per se breaks up an open/swinging relationship. But lies and deceit most certainly will, ANY marriage, open or not. People recover from their husband or wife having an affair, but it's the cheater living a double life that leaves their other half questioning their sanity particularly if they had no idea it was going on.

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My prior post was unfinished.... here is what i meant to write.

 

Ive read on this board that this social swinging phenom will cause a rise in the divorce rates of swingers many times. It always blamed on the forming relationships part versus good old NSA sex. I dont buy it! The data tends to show no rapid rise in divorce rates. The four year old study linked by the OP isn't necessarily bad data just because its four years old.- (although in this case I don't know whether it's any good or not.) However, Anecdotal data is probably even less reliable. The longer I'm alive the more divorces I see. I might attribute that to any number of reasons. But most likely it's just that its hard to make any relationship work to the "until death do we part". The longer I'm around the more it appears that everybody is breaking up. Most of my friends are divorced, most of those remarried. Young couples/newly weds are the most likely to break up. Often it doesn't seem like the breakup is over much. My anecdotal data is that the social swingers I know have just as strong as marriages/relationships as do the classic swingers I know. In fact I know more divorced classic swingers than I know of divorced social swingers.

 

From my anecdotal experience divorce is more prevalent with classic NSA swingers it is with social swingers.

 

Of course the conclusion I draw from my anecdotal experience may be wrong. There might be a higher divorce rate amongst the social swingers vs the classic NSA swinger, but that may have more to do with the social swingers being younger couples, generally, than the classic NSA couples are. Since Younger couples have a higher divorce rate it might look like social swinging causes a higher divorce rate when actually it doesn't. I think you would need much more than anecdotal data to tease this out. Divorce rates among swingers may rise, but that may be explained by the fact that there are more and more younger couples entering the field of play.

 

I'm not saying social swinging does or doesn't cause more divorce. I'm just saying that the studies cited by OP are more reliable than general conclusions drawn from anecdotal experience.

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"There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics."

 

There are so many reasons why people divorce. People might divorce because there was some abuse. People might divorce because they were no longer (or found out they weren't) compatible. People divorce because of various rough patches, either in the relationship or life in general. People divorce because they just didn't want to be married anymore.

 

I have to assume that the OP was asking because he is wondering if swinging really is successful for couples or if it is an illusion. In that case, I think the majority of us would go ahead and repeat the following:

 

Swinging will magnify any cracks within the relationship. If both partners are willing and able to work through those cracks, issues, problems, then the marriage will become stronger because of it. However, sometimes the two cannot work through it and it might destroy the relationship. Some might blame swinging for that but to be fair, those cracks/issues/problems existed before swinging. Without swinging in the picture, would those issues continue to lurk in the dark for the rest of the relationship/marriage or would they have been brought to light eventually?

 

I am of the opinion that every relationship has issues. We can decide to sweep them under the rug and let them continue to grow into huge dust bunnies that eventually have to be cleaned up or we can face them head on when they are just a speck of dust. And some issues can start out as big ones, too, but whatever problem there is will test the relationship and the people within it.

 

There are so many variables to take into consideration when a relationship is tested. The emotional and mental maturity of each person. The communication skills that each holds. Tactfulness, love, respect, life experiences, level of dedication and commitment...all of these factor into whether a couple will survive whatever ordeal they are going through. And the strength of a relationship isn't always the same throughout. There will be times when it is strong and others when it is not as much. We'd like to think that a relationship gets stronger and stronger throughout the years but I disagree. Sometimes when life is going well, we grow complacent. We don't realize that the muscles of a relationship might have gotten a bit weaker until they are tested. Or if there is too much stress and testing in quick succession, then those muscles can get overworked and tired.

 

In the end, if a relationship ceases we want to put the blame on something but the real truth is that it is one or both of the persons within the relationship that caused it to end.

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Just looking into our little swinging pool I would say that the divorce rate is high. Half and I mean half of the couples we started swinging with are divorced and most of them are long time swingers. Now was it because of swinging I don't know. I think the crash of the economy had a lot to do with it. In the last few years some really good couples lost their jobs and homes and that's a lot of stress.

 

I think that the jury is still out on this one.

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A few things to note.

 

That "article' is four years old and they used OLD info when writing it.

 

Many moons ago I would agree that the divorce rate was lower then the general public.

 

In the last ten years I honestly that has changed greatly.

 

Since this "social swinging" craze has taken over the divorce rate of swingers has gone way up. You don't see near as many long time "Swingers" still married as you used to.

 

I base this on seeing 800 to 1000 people each week and also 25+ years of going to conventions that have 100's/1000's of people at them.

 

We have seen many, MANY more divorces in the last Ten years then in the past 20 before that.

 

Couples are "dating", becoming involved in others daily lives and emotions start running high as does attachment. When that happens you see personal lives fall apart many times.

 

Even over the years here on Swingers board we now see more people posting about how "hurt" they are that they broke up with another couple that they were exclusive with. Do the search, you will see that number has increased from the days of when this forum started.

 

Once upon a time this was about recreational sex. Over time it became about being "Friends" and much more. Most relationships can't handle the more. The recreational sex part was much easier when emotions were not involved in this "Hobby."

 

There will be some that say I am wrong about this. Mainly those that don't see the "numbers" that I am exposed too every year and have not been around this for 35+ years.

 

Even the founder of the "Lifestyles" organization who said this is all about couples has had more than his fair share of wives. I guess his theories did not play out well in reality.

 

I don't know that you are wrong but I wonder if it is because of the increased number of people involved these days. In other words if I used to see 100 people a week 25 years ago & my impression is that divorce has risen but really I am now seeing 1000 people a week and hearing about them.

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Since we were already married for 14 years before contemplating the LS and statistically today that can seem like a long time to be together, we had already been through enough that lesser relationships would have thrown in the divorce towel and knew it would be till death due us part. In the years since, that has only been reinforced and the LS has only added more strength.

 

As far as generalizing others with respect to LS participation and divorce rates, I do agree that if there has been an increase this is mostly due to the growth in society at large. As stated, for a marriage to last something like 14 years seems to be enough of a milestone today let alone the now almost twice that time we've been together now.

 

What we've actually noticed more is the increase in mostly younger unmarried couples in the LS, especially those that have been together only a short time and this might be tied into the perception of any LS divorce rates.

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Like most here, I can't offer anything other than anecdotal evidence. It has always occurred to me that among the LS couples I have met over the years have a much lower divorce rate than the general population. There is one exception though. About three years ago, three LS couples that I knew split up within about 6 months. That was kind of shocking to me and others who knew them. I'm not really sure if the LS played any role but that was a real rough patch for them and those of us who knew them.

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I tend to agree with VegasLee on this. I've not been in the LS all that long compared to him and I don't have the years of talking to swingers that he has, but I hear and see a lot of social swinging going on. For myself, as a unicorn, it's not something I play around with. I'm all about the NSA swinging for fun, but when I make a friendship in the LS the play stops with that couple. I don't want to risk any possible drama or misunderstandings that could put a couple at odds because of fun and dirty play that got emotional. I'm not saying I'm all that and a bag of chips and I think husbands will want to leave their wives for me, but I'm overly cautious when it comes to respecting the marital relationship.

 

I also see (more so lately) the wife wanting to experiment with other women, but the husbands are not to touch or be touched by the unicorn. I won't touch that situation with a ten foot pole (after learning the hard way more than once). Surprisingly enough, I had one couple (the wife) tell me her husband had cheated in the recent past, but they wanted her to explore her bicurious side, so she would be playing with me and he would watch, but he couldn't touch or talk sexually to me or I to him. I ran like the wind. :lol:

 

I think some newbies get the rush from thinking about the LS, but don't give enough credence and respect to the fact that it isn't for everyone and it can devastate a relationship that isn't sound and solid. But we're human and we like to play with fire in drought-ridden grasslands.

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My feeling is that for long term couples that split, swinging isn't THE reason for a split but it can contribute.

 

It is just another thing where perhaps they don't see eye to eye anymore.

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