When to share your pictures?

We're a professional couple attempting to pursue the lifestyle (very slowly, but surely), and we just want to understand and get advice about a little bit of privacy.

Let's say you meet a couple (craiglist, a swingsite, etc) - what do you show, how far do you go? Initially and eventually - we want to know positive and negative experiences. And more importantly: advice.

We're a new couple, young and we think we're brilliant, but we're probably ridiculous. If you have any advice, please post or PM.

Let's say you meet a couple (craiglist, a swingsite, etc) - what do you show, how far do you go?

A fine question.

This will vary from couple to couple, but it comes down to what you're comfortable with. We never show nude pictures to potential new playmates. This avoids the problem of picture collectors. We have no problem sharing a G-rated face picture after initial conversation has begun.

Others are more comfortable showing nudes and face pics from the outset. Nothing wrong with that. It is all a matter of what you feel comfortable with.

On a side note: Some people do have success with Craigslist, but I would avoid it for trying to hook up. Go to one of the ad sites dedicated to swingers.

I will assume that you are asking "let's say you encounter a couple's on-line profile" and not "let's say you meet a couple in-person." The decision regarding whether or not to display images of yourselves at a hook-up Web site is all a matter of personal comfort. If somebody recognized you at a swingers' Web site and you would subsequently be banned form the tabernacle, or called before the board of directors or a mother-in-law to explain, then don't. If simply believe you will feel self-conscious, my advice is, don't worry about that. Just take some care to post appalling pictures -- such as no dirty-laundry baskets behind you in the frame, no torn jeans or holey tee-shirts. My personal preference for profile pictures are the G- or PG-rated rated kind. I'm not alone in thinking that close-up pictures boobs and dicks attract the wrong kind of attention. Many people use some kind of image editing software to obscure faces in order to preserve anonymity.

Have you registered at a swingers' Web site yet to look around and see what kinds of pictures people have with their profiles?

One last bit of advice: Use Craig's List for activities like selling used kitchen appliances. Do not, I repeat, do not use it for finding swingers.

~Michael

In our limited experience, we have also preferred to be cautious since we are family people, and due to the fact that both our careers make us fairly visible to the community (let alone that many co-workers and bosses would not really be supportive of our LS choice).

Therefore, in one of the LS sites to which we prescribe, we do not post any profile pics whatsoever. Yeah, it may not make us look as interesting as some others (yet I sometimes find that some of the pictures look more like a visit to the gyno. Gee, don't they view the pics prior to posting them? sorry, I digress.......another topic for another time). If we are contacted by another couple and they appear to be genuinely interested in meeting with us, we will offer to exchange some non-erotic pics prior to the initial meet as it is nice to know who to look for. If they request nudes or erotic pics, we simple say we would prefer to leave that up to the imagination for if we do decide to plan a get together after the initial meet.

As for erotic or nude pics, we reserve sharing these with couples we have been involved with and continue to be involved with. Basically, with couples we can trust and know the pics will not be shared. We have even shared some pics we have taken (as agreed upon by all parties involved) during a get together. However, any nudes or erotic pics will never show the face of either person.

In our limited experience, we have also preferred to be cautious since we are family people, and due to the fact that both our careers make us fairly visible to the community (let alone that many co-workers and bosses would not really be supportive of our LS choice).

 

When you put something into cyberspace, you lose control of it forever. If you're a professional for whom being outed would be disastrous, don't ever put nude pictures anywhere in cyberspace. You send a picture to a couple, and when you meet you decide they're not up to billing. When you turn them down, they might retaliate by publishing them in an open site. I don't want that kind of risk.

Don't even think about using CL unless you live in the far reaches of Alaska where no other sites are effective (yeah, been there, had to do that and it still sucked). Only show enough in public pics to indicate your body shape. Always a huge red flag if someone wants you to trade pics off site. To be successful in the lifestyle you'll have to be willing to accept giving up a bit of privacy, it's necessary for building trust with potential new friends. If you stick to legitimate sites like SLS you'll be much more successful than if you use CL or AFF. Get a paid membership and block free members and it's less likely you'll be outed by nosy neighbors or friends of your kids. Bottom line is just relax and have fun, if the lifestyle stresses you out, who needs it, just stay in the vanilla world.

I think if you want to meet couples by using online sites you need to have some pictures. For our public photos we use a photo that doesn't show much of my face, a clothed photo of the two of us wearing mardi gras masks and a photo of my legs.

We keep face pics in a private gallery and open them to anyone who is interested. We also have nude and semi nude photos of me in our private gallery. I love having my picture taken and dressing up.

The advice regarding background and composition given above is important. I'd also say that it's important to smile in your face pics. I've seen some couples that look like serial killers. Make yourself look your best!

If we are contacted by a couple we might be interested in, we send G-rated face photos of both of us. If we ever get around to it, we'll use equally G-rated photos as part of our public profile, because we have decided we don't actually care one way or the other if we're recognized by folks we know from the other parts of our life. If we cared, we'd use clothed photos with our faces blocked out.

It's really not that difficult to determine if the folks can be trusted or not. I'd guess it takes about ten email exchanges to know. Before revealing pictures are sent though, exchange enough information that you can google each other. It's amazing how much you can learn about people through the Internet.

We have exchanged everything with probably 20 to 25 people, over the years, without any problems. There have been an equal number, or more, that we kept our real identity secret. You just know!

We use both fully clothed photos that show our face, or nude photos (or close to nude) with our face cut out or blocked in some way. Most people find this works well, in that it allows you to "display the goods" but without them being identifiable as YOUR goods. Most people you are considering meeting will want to see (at least) a fully body shot with your face prior to meeting you. Just as it would for you, it gives them an idea of whether or not they'd be attracted, it also allows them to be able to identify you when you meet in public.

There are a lot of fakes and pic collectors out there, if someone hits you up right away wanting nude pics, you can just about bet that's all they want. Skip over them. If you aren't comfortable at all putting photos out online, you will limit your contacts, but you can still have some success. If you go this route, I would suggest that you make yourselves available for an online Skype session so that whoever is on the other end that you are considering meeting can see you, and determine if they want to meet you. Putting that in your profile will overcome some resistance, however it won't overcome those who don't even open your profile because there is no picture attached. Photos are the "first impression" of online ads, without a photo I'd guess that about 90% (or more) of potential playmates will not even open your ad.

As for Craigslist, I will second what others said.

We think that it is important to have recent pics up on the profile. On our public pictures we have mostly G and a few PG13 pics up, but nothing that shows faces. Our private pics show our faces but no nudity. As far as our public pics go, would have to know us to know the pics are of us. And we figure if you can recognize us from the pics on the site you are probably there for the same reasons so it is fine. We have actually been contacted by people we knew from vanilla life on the meet up sites who did not know it was us. Those are fun conversations.

Also we don't put up any X rated pics. We like to save the good parts for real life encounters; but at the end of the day it is really about whatever you are comfortable with being on the internet forever.

There is no need,in my opinion:),for nude pictures in the "getting to know you" stage. Just a generic picture of a happy couple that you would have hanging on your wall or sitting on a mantle. You can post nude pics from the shoulders down. Be aware of tattoos and what might be in the background.