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Hi everyone,

We have posted a couple of times about problems finding people. We live in a big city. We have an sls ad. We will go a full month without no one writing to us. We try to browse ads but many people never respond back to us after we make first contact. We were advised to find a club to attend, but, we have none within a close distance to us. We would like to meet a nice couple, but, our attempts keep failing. We are a nice looking couple. I'm younger than my wife by 12 years. I'm 41, she's 53. We're clean, well groomed. We do need to lose some weight. We always dress nice unlike some of the few couples we have met that showed up way too casual. We tried a few house parties but none had any play activity. It's been over 2 years since we have swapped with a couple. This has been a letdown for us both and we've considered that maybe its time to hang up the towel. For some reason, online, we just aren't attracting serious people. We would like to hear if other people are having success or are they like us with no success. Thanks for any help!

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You can do no better then SLS as far as finding people on-line is concerned. But I think your expectations are too high. Although my wife and I consider ourselves successful in the lifestyle, we always have and believe we always will have a "hit rate" at SLS of only about one in twenty -- that is counting the number of people we actually end up meeting compared to the number of inquiries we send. The out of the number people we meet, there will only be a few with whom we become intimate. The rate at which we receive messages from others is about the same as yours; one per month. Maybe not even that many. The point where ever thing took off for us is when we met just the right couple who knew people who knew people. And that they were "mostly our kinds of people". We were then being invited to the right kind of house parties -- the kind where people do not simply stare at each other and at the football game on TV. I believe you have still to make that lucky find.

 

I will not characterize it as our key to on-line success but it did give us a boost when we asked the members of this bulletin board to review our profile. I had a look at the SLS profile that I think is yours and it looks OK to me; we'd hit you up, for sure. But it might be worthwhile to pick up some hints from people.

 

Other than that, I'll just say that persistence pays.

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Thank you for the good reply. I will ask for reviews of our profile. The people we have met just don't seem serious about finding people. The last house party we went to was dirty, and everyone sat around playing darts or eating in the kitchen. No play ever happened. We have seen this form of swing party popping up all over. People way casually dressed too. Way more than I would ever be. We used to go to a club we had great success but due to the district attorney not liking it in, he used his legal leverage to shut it down. Sad too because it was a blast. Since then we've never found success again.

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I think SW PA Couple is right, sls is great, but not the easiest way to meet people. Sometimes it's just luck that creates success - like SW, we have met people who introduced us to other people and from there we have developed some meaningful friendships and a nice circle of friends. I looked over your profile and didn't see any glaring issues, I thought it was quite nice and inviting.

 

Not being in Texas, I wonder perhaps if there is another site that has a greater number of members in your area. Are there any Meet n Greets in your area? Maybe that would be a good venue. If not, maybe you could start one.

 

One last suggestion - be willing to travel to the clubs until you are able to cultivate friends closer to home. Every swinging thing we do involves at least 1-2 hour drive. We're empty-nesters, so we make a weekend out of it and we have a great time even if we don't find new friends. Meeting in person is key IMHO to finding play friends.

 

Good luck!!

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If their are meet and greets, I have not found them yet. We did try awhile to go to some clubs over in Dallas, but, did not fair well as it seemed many people had prearranged meeting people their. Their is one club that gets $75 a night. We just simply cannot budget that plus the $50 for gas, and $85 for a motel room. The other club is $50 but about the same location. It is an expense we cannot do at this time. Fort Worth where we live has 1 club. But, last visit their, there was only 5 couples and it is located in a dangerous part of town. I wouldnt mind starting a meet n greet as we have another couple that we are best friends with that would help. This couple went dont play with as our friendship weighs more. My concern is starting a meet and greet. I dont know how to go about that or where to do it. I am not fond of doing it at my home as the neighbors would be sticking their nose in. We do have that kind of neighbors. Good people, just nosy. lol.

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We're club-goers as well. For us it's now about a 90 minute drive and even when we were closer we made a weekend of it. We have met people who live right down the street from the club and those who live in other states. Our favorite partners live about 3 1/2 hours from us and next weekend is their turn to come here. I think distance determines frequency, but isn't ever a negative in itself.

 

If you want to continue solely with the on-line approach, I'd suggest approaching it more positively. Your profile doesn't contain negatives but your posts do and I wonder if that isn't leaking into your communications with others. In any case, it couldn't hurt to re-tune to a more "we know there are couples out there with whom we will have an amazing connection" approach both in your heads and in your contacts.

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I apologize if we do seem to have that direction in our posts. Most of the online has turned out poorly. We get a hello from someone then respond back very nicely only to never hear another thing from them. We do feel their is a couple out their we could have a great connection with. We are just struggling to even get to 2nd base just to meet someone out for a drink or dinner. We were in a group on Facebook that we really liked. Was talking to people. Went to a get together they had and enjoyed it. Then, all of a sudden one day, the owner of the group decided they didn't like the size of the group and deleted the majority of the people. Unfortunately, we lost contact with all the people. Once you are removed from a group, you cannot re-sign back up according to Facebook's rules. Since it was a private group, we can't even find it searching. We really enjoyed that as Facebook was an easy way to contact people. I know we are trying to be budget minded and it takes giving to meet people. But, with the economy right now, we are only 1 income for the immediate future and just have to pay the bills first before we go to clubs. I do appreciate the good comments. I like hearing other peoples successes and how they came about them.

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ditto on what others have said about SLS, and the frequency of good solid contacts. I think there are different kinds of profiles - some lend themselves to lots of hits and not many returns, while others only get a few hits but a much higher success rate. We are of the prefer clubs variety too, but we do have some success on SLS, although that route is really more of an afterthought now. If it happens, great, but we don't worry about it too much.

 

I would suggest a two-fold approach - try to make your profile as good as it can possibly be if you like the online route, and then start searching out opportunities to meet other people face to face at meet and greets, etc. They are out there, you just have to find them, and once you find one, it will probably build on itself as you hear about others you may like to try through the grapevine.

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BE the party - where there is no party, create one:)

 

Starting a meet n greet shouldn't that difficult or costly...find yourselves a bar that you like, not too close to home - maybe one that has bands and isn't all that busy on a Friday night. Get the owner to agree to let you hold the meet n greet there - even amongst the vanilla crowd, you won't seem all that out of place. I don't think it would be necessary to tell them you're swingers, unless you feel the need. Create a group on sls and send email invitations to join the group to people in your general area, then hold the meetings regularly, say once a month.

 

Push together a large table and grab a handful of balloons for the table (the dollar store has them) so people know where group is sitting and viola! You have a party:) Be patient, it may take several months to garner a sizable following.

 

There are several groups like this in our area, we have attended some with measured success. Friday nights tend to be the norm so people can still go out on Saturday to a club if they desire...for us Fridays are difficult as we work all week and going out on Fridays just doesn't seem appealing to us after a long week. But choose an evening and stick with it. If you build it, they will come:) It could be a good solution to your predicament!

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Yes I agree that's a great idea angelkin. I will contact our other friends to see if they would be interested in helping out in a meet and greet. The combining of our resources may work. I don't mind a Friday night but you are correct it can be tiring. I work a very tiring physical job m-f about 45 miles from home. But, weather is way cooler now so my energy levels will be coming back. 105 degrees slows you down pretty good.

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Hi everyone,

Kinda an update on the situation. As y'all pointed out, sls has been a poor way to meet people. We still get no responses even after altering our profile. We have started to attend some parties. We still have not made a connection unfortunately. We don't get to go to all of them they have as we don't have every weekend free. The club scene is not great right now. The city shut down one, limiting us to only a couple left. One is very new and has few attending. The other one we will need to try again. The people at the parties we go to do play but we haven't been successful with getting invited to play. Hopefully soon. Any thoughts for us? Thanks again for the help.

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I know, really, I know, how much like a hippie I sound, but I'm a huge fan of positive thinking and positive self-talk. If you know there are couples out there who will adore playing with you, you'll find each other. In the meantime, when you're at those parties, do you play together and stay open to people joining you? Are you as friendly, welcoming and outgoing as you can be, both in what you say and in your body language? Do you talk to people about what they're into, how they got into the lifestyle and what they look for in playmates? If the answer to all of that is a definite "yes," then it's only a matter of time.

 

Also, have you looked on SLS for local meet and greets? Even if it's a bit of a bust for finding couples, it's good for finding local groups.

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Let me answer those questions. Yes at a party we always smile and keep a positive attitude. We maintain great hygiene. The last party we went to, no one played in the open. All behind closed doors. We tried to talk to people but it was no more than hi how as you, names exchanged and they moved on. We didn't play with each other because we stayed out with the group to try talk with folks. all the play rooms doors were shut anyways. We do try to look for meet and greets. Just have come into any in awhile. We really do try hard and are just having a rough go at it. My wife could easily get laid. But as a couple were not having great success. Seems that a lot of parties we go to are like each man (or woman) for himself. The couples are going their separate ways. We want go play together if possible.

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Let me add one more thing. The party we went to last night people were very friendly. But I never saw people talking about what they wanted. It's like everyone already knew each other very well. I can understand being the new kids on the block and everyone being skeptical. But, I would think that new folks would intrigue people to try something new. We do not get the time free to attend parties every weekend so we don't get to know people as well as we would like. Maybe once in 6 weeks we can get out. We noticed we weren't the only people finding anyone. But, it was mostly just 1/2 of the couple. The other half was playing. Thanks everyone for working and talking to us. This is a great place and we are glad their are some understandable people. A

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