Is distance ever a factor in deciding to meet?

When being contacted online by an interested party, does a distance between you factor into your decision to meet? What if the interested people offer to drive the whole distance, does that in any way imply that the interest level is enough to guarantee play even if you say there isn't?

 

We find ourselves in this situation and we disagree - which isn't the first time that we've discussed this issue. I am not asking which of us is right or wrong, just curious how others view the whole distance factor.

There can't ever be guarantees. It violates the principle of "no means no". Translation: "But we drove 250 miles!" is irrelevant to the conversation.

 

If your town is on their travel itinerary, that's their business. If they come through town and invite you to dinner, you can accept...or not. But how far they have traveled should have zero relevance to their expectations and to your decisions.

We generally keep it limited to about an hour's drive... An hour and a half max. We prefer to meet and play with people multiple times, though, which is really difficult when someone has to travel a significant distance every single time. If we were interested in a one time thing, we wouldn't turn it down because of distance.

It is definitely a factor for us. We can't travel or host. We feel like if someone is driving a distance to meet us expectations will be higher. We'd rather have more local friends. I didn't feel this way last year, but came around to agree with my husband.

 

Last summer I chatted online with a single guy quite a bit. He lived about 200 miles away, but said he'd be happy to come meet us, no expectations. We set a date, but my husband was really hesitant because of the fact the guy was coming so far. The single guy ended up getting cold feet and cancelling the day before. It was disappointing, but it was a good lesson. My husband was nice and didn't even say I told you so! After that I decided I didn't want to spend time and energy chatting or emailing with people more than about an hour away.

 

if someone was visiting from out of town we might be more inclined to go for it, since they aren't coming specifically to see us. I personally prefer to play with people that we'll have a chance to see again though.

Yes. For us if they aren't in our area then we will pass (for now). If they are coming to our area and want to meet, we may do so if we are interested. Or, if we are going to be in their area. But, to travel just to meet someone (or have them travel just to meet us) we wouldn't do. Then again, we rarely just meet a couple anyway.

I am in the camp of if they want to drive to us, then what's the harm in meeting for drinks or dinner. Hubby feels that allowing them to drive a distance is like sealing the deal to play. Because I do not like to argue and even winning = losing if one of us isn't on board, I always cave on this argument - matter of fact, I cave on lots of arguments, LOL.

 

It's different if someone is already traveling here or frequently travels here for another purpose and is looking to round out their visit with some adult fun than if the trip is specifically to meet us.

 

We have traveled up to 2 hours to meet people, but usually try to stay within an hour's drive. We also like repeat encounters so that does factor in.

I am in the camp of if they want to drive to us, then what's the harm in meeting for drinks or dinner. Hubby feels that allowing them to drive a distance is like sealing the deal to play.

Sounds similar to the views my wife and I maintain. There is a discussion going on right now about a guy who lives at a five-hour driving distance. He has recently declared that he was going to buy an air fare instead of driving. That, I advised by wife, would have him feeling "entitled". She answers, "I can handle him."

 

Now here's the funny part of the story. I have myself made offers to drive similar distances to meet prospective play partners. To make clear the irony, I advise against it with my wife but I myself do it with others.

When being contacted online by an interested party, does a distance between you factor into your decision to meet? What if the interested people offer to drive the whole distance, does that in any way imply that the interest level is enough to guarantee play even if you say there isn't?

 

We find ourselves in this situation and we disagree - which isn't the first time that we've discussed this issue. I am not asking which of us is right or wrong, just curious how others view the whole distance factor.

 

 

Within reason, there are very few deal breakers in which we would agree to meet someone in the context of the lifestyle and decide not to play. If that were the case I would opt to hang out with Vanilla friends and avoid the stress and potential drama.

 

I would never ask or agree to have someone in the lifestyle drive several hours to meet us if there were more than a scant chance we wouldn't play.

 

The three of us have already met the ones we click with, and have attraction and chemistry with (each other), that is not a requirement for fucking.

 

There is no right or wrong as you say, this is just how we feel.

Yes, PartyPerks, we too usually have enough of a sense of the person to know we're interested in playing and only a few times have we met someone with the expressed intention of playing and not done so. Sometimes people are not what they seem...and that's a no-go for us.

Yes, PartyPerks, we too usually have enough of a sense of the person to know we're interested in playing and only a few times have we met someone with the expressed intention of playing and not done so. Sometimes people are not what they seem...and that's a no-go for us.

 

For sure, that is where the "within reason" comes in. If you clearly lied about something significant such as marital status, are under age, tweaked, wasted or stoned at the start of the evening, have visible signs of poor hygiene or disease, or morphed into idiots between the communication and the meeting, all bets are off.

 

But generally if folks are honest clean and reasonably sober and descent, chemistry and attraction can be created, and sometimes that's the best kind

I'd happily drive 2 hours or more to meet someone for the first time, but that's because I view road trips with enthusiasm and think they're their own reward. I wouldn't want anyone to drive more than 45 minutes or so to meet us, though, because I don't want to be responsible for someone's effort not equalling outcome.

 

Yes, I'm aware of the irony.

For sure, that is where the "within reason" comes in. If you clearly lied about something significant such as marital status, are under age, tweaked, wasted or stoned at the start of the evening, have visible signs of poor hygiene or disease, or morphed into idiots between the communication and the meeting, all bets are off.

 

But generally if folks are honest clean and reasonably sober and descent, chemistry and attraction can be created, and sometimes that's the best kind

 

You could definitely think from online interaction that things are going to be hot, but it's not always the case.

 

Here's an example, I had been chatting with someone online, we shared face pics and I liked what I saw. However, when we met it was evident that his pictures were over 15years old! He looked nothing like the picture. Honestly, he was still not bad looking, but the misrepresentation was such a turn off that i wanted nothing to do with him. I like older guys and if he shared an accurate photo, things probably would have gone fine. I'm really glad he didn't drive a distance to meet us, we just met at a meet and greet so I was friendly for a minute and then went my own way.

Three hours isn't a big deal, more than that starts to stretch our comfort.

 

We used to live in the sticks and you had to drive an hour just to get to a city with a chain restaurant other than McDonald's or Hardee's. Our thoughts are if we can meet them somewhere in the middle that is less than 90 minutes in any direction, then we will go for it. That's our threshold. While we live closer to a couple larger towns now, we understand that there are people in MS, AL, GA that are in the spot where we were when we first started so we have a soft spot for them.

Ultimately, it's all about what the couple is after. We have travelled 2000 miles for 26 hours to attend a party we thought was going to be a good one. We were right, it was a great party, and we made dozens of contacts from it.

Wow, 2000 miles for a party! We'd call that a vacation:) Glad it turned out so well!

LOL, I doubt we would drive across town for a party, much less 50 miles and certainly not across country, unless it was a LS event, like Vegas this next year... and that IS a vacation.

If your town is on their travel itinerary, that's their business. If they come through town and invite you to dinner, you can accept...or not. But how far they have traveled should have zero relevance to their expectations and to your decisions.

 

Exactly. We've had couple willing to travel to meet up with us. We still maintain our "no expectations" rule of thumb. I hope they do too. Just because someone travels doesn't mean it's a sure thing.

 

We generally keep it limited to about an hour's drive... An hour and a half max. We prefer to meet and play with people multiple times, though, which is really difficult when someone has to travel a significant distance every single time. If we were interested in a one time thing, we wouldn't turn it down because of distance.

 

I'm going to agree with this also. Since we live in a relative rural area, travel is a must. How far we'll travel is another thing. We have a couple that wants us to travel 5 hours to meet up with them for dinner. I do have family in that other town, so we're giving that one thought. The big thing is, we have to find the time. Our time is so limited, we have to choose wisely what we'll do.

 

I am in the camp of if they want to drive to us, then what's the harm in meeting for drinks or dinner.

We also like repeat encounters so that does factor in.

 

Exactly. What's the harm? We don't mind one night stands, either, but we love our second, third and more encounters with other couples though.

 

Ultimately, it's all about what the couple is after. We have travelled 2000 miles for 26 hours to attend a party we thought was going to be a good one. We were right, it was a great party, and we made dozens of contacts from it.

 

There used to be a annual party in a town about an hour and a half from here that people would travel for a couple of days to get to. I think they also considered it vacation since we're close to some sight-seeing/vacation spots. The farthest I heard anyone traveling for that party was from Michigan. Yes, it was that much fun.

If I were the one driving we would be lucky to do anything! I dislike driving. Lucky for us, Mr. Sun has no qualms driving 50 miles although that is pushing it for us. Unless we were originally going to visit a city we wouldn't travel far to strictly meet a couple. And if a couple were visiting town for other reasons but wanted to meet for drinks we would be open to it assuming we have a sitter.

It definitely plays a role with me. If I'd have to drive more than 30-40 minutes, I say no. Not because I'm being bitchy, but because I won't crash at a stranger's house and I fall asleep really easily at night in the car when driving. If they offer to come to me, that's fine, but, I don't host, which would mean we could only play at their hotel. I'm fine with that, but, a lot of couples are not.

 

If they are willing to drive that far though, and they seem a good fit, I may invite them to friends house parties (after getting their ok), so they get to meet multiple people at once, and, we get a built in place to play.

We look at the distance factor differently. We live in a small remote community. There are a few other listing on SLS in our community, but we don't pursue theses because of the size of the community. Our privacy at home is more important then the convenience of not traveling. We're typically traveling 2 to 4 hours to meet up with others.

For me, driving to the nearest club is a 45 minute drive. While I have driven several hours one way to play with established playmates, I doubt I would do that for someone I haven't met. I, like Playful1, don't do sleep overs unless it’s with someone I'm particularly close to, so the drive home is always a factor.

We look at the distance factor differently. We live in a small remote community. There are a few other listing on SLS in our community, but we don't pursue theses because of the size of the community. Our privacy at home is more important then the convenience of not traveling. We're typically traveling 2 to 4 hours to meet up with others.

 

That's us too and for that reason. Two hours would probably be the max to meet a couple we didn't know anything about, but three to four hours to go to a club or meet someone we already know, no big deal.