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Which vanilla friend isn't vanilla at all?

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Up until a few weeks ago this question would never have crossed our minds. Over the years we have had a large group of what I consider good friends. The group as grown and shrunk over time but the core group thrives. We have celebrated family milestones, have had numerous parties, nights out, days at the beach, ball games and everything you want from a group of fun loving friends. Though not intimately sexual, we have joked about sex, talked about sex in a friends way, and there is plenty of sexual innuendo and playfulness. Our kids have all grown up together. We have a normal healthy life. Recently one of our closest friends confided that have been swingers for years. We joked about it and at home talked about it. I would say the wives are very close and know each other longer than we are married. It was surprising we didn't know. Though our first reaction was no way would we do it, we did some "swinging" research. Came to this forum from a Google search and posted a question about swinging with friends. Feedback was not to do it by many who wrote back to our post. Having sex with our friend, who is very attractive became by new fantasy. My wife became a little more interested after talking with her friend but was still hesitant. I suggested finding a club. No go! We made a choice to try swinging with our friend.

 

Now we are told that there are others in our circle who also swing. No names were mentioned. Not even sure if they are close friends or just part of our circle of friends. The couple we lost our vanilla status to, suggested that we might be interested in a party with like minded people. It has got me thinking and me and the wife are now trying to think who that we know might be into this. For me, I am am thinking every good looking woman we know can be. I have awarded the FILF points. Friends I would Like to....

 

My wife has joked about some of the guys. Is it the one... or the one. Our female friend turned out to be bi so we are wondering which friend, female, is into that. My wife, didn't do bi things but let her friend do it to her, and though she won't admit it, she sure seemed to enjoy it. My wife also seemed to enjoy the sex she had with my friend even though she didn't give him oral either.

 

Now it comes to whether we want to expand what we did. Let others know we are willing to swing, something we are afraid will get out. I know our friends are discreet. They will not tell us who they have been with and I would imagine they have respected our privacy as well. So know we have the fun of wondering who and the conversation would we. There are couples we know we wouldn't want to do this with. If we agreed to a party and it was one of those couples, would it be too late to turn back? Our secret would be public.

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Let me start by saying Welcome to the lifestyle. I enjoyed reading your other post about swinging with friends. Glad it went so well for you. It is hard to believe but this whole lifestyle works amazingly well when it comes to your privacy. You are very unlikely to be outed to the rest of the world for attending parties or the like. Other people in attendance have just as much to lose by mentioning seeing you at a swinger party. They may mention seeing you to other lifestyle friends that you know in common, but never have I heard of someone being outed to the outside world just for attending or participating. We often attend events at a resort in our area. We have met doctors, nurses, judges, police officers, and many other fine church going people all without a problem. Some have even been former clients and friends. For us dangerous people who talk to much have been those that don't consider themselves part of the lifestyle. We are most careful about those that dabble in sexy living but don't care for the lifestyle or rules of the lifestyle. You are obviously blessed with a great group of friends even just socially. I wouldn't let fear of being caught prevent you from going to a party if you want to go.

Let us know how it turns out.

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We agree that most likely you will not be outed by anyone in the lifestyle. We were invited to a party by someone my husband knows and it ended up someone else we know was at the party. I wasn't comfortable at all but it never caused a problem. I think you are in a great situation having your best friends as your partners. Best part it worked out fine from what you wrote. They seem to be able to keep things very quiet. As close as you are you didn't know about their lifestyle and though they have let on that you would know another couple they have been with, they never told you who. I would think they would extend that to you too. We have very close friends we discussed telling but have stayed away from that. We are afraid of it being taken the wrong way. We joke about which friends we would do it with. Just talk though. We have made our entry into this by meeting new couples. I wish we could be open with friends we really like.

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There are always concerns when friends become friends with benefits and so on. Lifestyle couple are typically discreet. Vanilla friends, less so. The question that usually comes up is whether a couple is or is not an LS couple. In your case, that question has been answered with at least one couple who have been close friends. They have offered to introduce you to a larger group. There's likely little risk to agreeing to attend a private house party at their home or someone else's home. The invitation is not going to be extended to vanilla couples because the discretion aspect is in play. Yes, you might run into someone(s) you know, but they have just as much reason to be discreet.

 

The fact is that now you have a couple that is no longer 'vanilla' friends but LS friends. Your circle of LS acquaintances is likely to expand, and you may even become friends with some of these couples. How you manage these two "worlds" of friends is up to you. We have been impressed by the discretion of our LS friends and have been at more than a few gatherings where both vanilla and LS friends are present. That stretches the comfort zone somewhat, but the conversations in those settings have always been G rated, nothing different than what you hear at a pure vanilla gathering.

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Just about anyone that is in this group doesn't want people (who don't understand the LS) outside of the group to find out. So just because you find out that others you know are participating, they most likely wouldn't want you to tell anyone else either. Kind of a variation of 'honor among thieves'; if they 'out' you, then they have to 'out' themselves and admit that they were there as well. Almost never a problem as most everyone wants to keep things private.

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