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louisvillemojo

How to wrap things up and leave

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So hubby and I are fairly new to this but have had a few softswap and threesome type experiences so far. We prefer to meet random singles/couples at a local club instead of ''dating'' them. We meet, chat a bit, and then normally get a offer to join them in one of the private rooms, play, then go home and back to our ''normal'' lives.

 

The problem we are having is how to leave a room after the encounter. Some couples stay all night, and some couples might just have way more stamina then us, but for us, after a hour or so of play, we get off, and we are ready to go. Last night, the couple we were playing with were still playing with no indication they were anywhere near done, so we felt silly and rude leaving while the action was still going, but it was late, and we were done. What's the proper etiquette for this? Seems all of our encounters are kind of spur of the moment and never planned (we like it that way) so while we have a few moments to discuss the basics like ground rules, condoms, STD's, etc., this has never comes up.

 

Can anyone with more experience help? How do we handle this grace? My husband always feel extremely awkward after he gets off, and is rushing to get his clothes on and get out of there, and I'm left feeling like we are being rude. Advice?

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In my experience it involves some variation on: "Thanks, we have fun. You were great. Nice to meet you. Good night." We've been with couples who just suddenly stop acknowledging our existence afterward. We've been with couples who chat a little afterward and they we part ways. Some are funny (the fellow who said to my wife "nice to eat you"), some are awkward.

 

So, my advice... smile, say "thanks, it was fun, we're worn out, got to go" while your husband grabs his clothes and try not to look like you're rushing to leave. :)

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Interesting question, we also are trying to deal with that. In our situation it's wrapping up not after but while having sex.

 

MsDiscover & I love to take our time for good sex and like to take second or third etc. rounds too as I can recover quite quickly. So when we are enjoying ourselves, it can easily take hours sometimes. At the other hand, the couple we play with are done after the first time he comes. The two times we played until now, this was a bit awkward. We were still fucking hard in the rush of lust while Ms and Mr Othercouple were done and were more or less waiting for us on the shaking bed. The first time we stopped our love making and shook hands and waved goodbye. Second time we simply could not stop and shook hands while MsD was fucking me hard while on top. Which in retrospective must have been awkward for them too.

 

What's a good strategy? Keeping an eye on each other more and try to finish with the slowest partner/couple? We already have stretched playtime with extended massages etc. Secondly, I find it a difficult topic to discuss as I don't want to embarrass them. We really like our friends and don't want to hurt them.

 

Any members here with advice?

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We also do something similar to Lionheart's approach however we also let everyone else know prior to playing that we sort of have a curfew. We try to be home by 1-2 am for the babysitter so that's sort of our excuse if it's getting too late. "We gotta go home because the sitter is waiting." But overall, we try not to leave right after a play session. We stay and chat for a bit and while doing so, we get dressed to signal that we'll be on our way soon. Are there times when we're comfortable enough with a couple where we stay naked in bed and chat? Absolutely but it really does depend on what time it is at night. If playtime started really late, we're more aware that there is a time limit than if playtime started early in the evening.

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Have you had any bad (or not-so-good) experiences with that approach? Play partners that don't get the message (or just ignore it) if you start dressing again? Or even get a but grumpy or disappointed?

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Have you had any bad (or not-so-good) experiences with that approach? Play partners that don't get the message (or just ignore it) if you start dressing again? Or even get a but grumpy or disappointed?

 

*looks around* I'll assume you were asking me. :) We haven't had any bad experiences with that approach. If anything, maybe they were upset but didn't say anything but we were never invited over again. If so, oh well. We have to get home when we have to and if our schedule isn't to their liking then "tough titties". Getting back at a 1-2 am is something we have to do for our kids and if they can't understand that then it's not going to work out period.

 

I will say, we've probably felt disappointed when another couple has done this to us (getting dressed right after playing) instead of staying and chat but not to the point of not wanting to seeing them again. The main reason for not seeing another couple again is because there wasn't a feeling of 4-way attraction as before.

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Every swing couple has their own style. If somebody does not like your style, well, fuck them. Oh, oops, I guess that's what you just did.

 

Seriously, as some others have already recommended, say simply, it was great and we hope that we can all do it again some time. You will discover that there are people enough who feel the same way.

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We are in the same boat as Sun. We usually tell people before we start playing that we can't stay out too late. It has never been a problem for us, and we do have repeats quite a bit, so no one seems to be too offended.

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I think the common thread through all of the advice so far is the signaling, whether it be letting them know you have a curfew or through your actions indicating that at least for you, the night is coming to a close. We like the afterglow part of a good swing session, so just sitting around chatting for a bit is nice, but we understand not all are the same way. I think venue makes a difference too - at a swing club, we don't expect that as much. But in a more relaxed environment like a home, then I think abruptness can be perceived as rude. Just like most would consider someone who walks through their door and immediately starts stripping down for sex to be rude, the same goes on the other end, the disengagement shouldn't be just an abrupt thing either. That doesn't mean you have to spend an hour working your way toward saying your goodbyes, but maybe getting up, just sitting together watching them go at it a bit, and then start to collect your clothes. That gives a pretty good indication what you are thinking and also gives them time to gracefully pick up on the night is over for you without you having to just come right out of the blue and say it.

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I think venue makes a difference too - at a swing club, we don't expect that as much. But in a more relaxed environment like a home, then I think abruptness can be perceived as rude.

 

Great reminder, cplnuswing! Yes, venue does play a part as well because if you are at a club or a big house party where beds might be in demand, lounging around and chatting when other couples are waiting for a bed could also be a bit rude. Whereas if you are engaging in a more intimate location with just one other couple, then jumping out of bed right after orgasming, and getting dressed is the rude thing to do.

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Thanks for the advice. I asked another swinging couple we don't play with how they handle this, and was told they often always go to the bathroom right after, and then when they return they slowly start to dress, say how much fun they had and thanks, and then leave. The bathroom break signals the end for them, and I think it might work well for me too. We will also probably mention up front that we don't have much time, and can only stay a hour or two because we have to get back to the sitter.

 

We are still new, but the awkwardness "after" is almost painful. It's kinda like "thanks for the screw, we gotta go now" lol. It probably doesn't help we are not interested in the whole repeat couple thing or "dating" them. Maybe swinging isn't for us. We like the spice it adds to our sex life, but I don't want anyone to feel used for sex or get their feelings hurt that we don't wanna to just hang out or hook up again. Is it bad we prefer sex with almost strangers to meeting and connecting with another couple? It's like the few couples we meet that we really click with, we are like "we like them and might hang out with them so we better not have sex with them cause it will get weird and we won't want to hang out with them anymore". Thoughts?

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What your friends told you sounds like a reasonable approach.

 

Everyone has a different swinging style, and there is no right or wrong or one better than the other. You've got your preferences, are entitled to them just like everyone else is, and what works for you works for you. You certainly aren't alone in preferring the approach you describe.

 

I don't see it as a problem at all as long as you don't give false signals to someone. If you see someone who's profile states they are of the "friends" school of swinging, and you contact them and try to move forward without letting them know you are more of the "one and done" school, then that could be an issue. Everyone in this game are adults, and as adults, you just owe them the info they need to make an informed decision, and then the decision they make is up to them.

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I think the one and done way that you like is part of the feeling you are having. I'm not saying it's wrong at all. But, typically when we have sex with someone it almost always ends with everyone saying, "That was great, we should do it again sometime!" Now, truthfully, sometimes in the light of day, we think, "probably not." But, that sentiment of 'it was great, we like you and want to see you again,' takes away the sting of a quick 'bye'.

 

It's funny we don't really know anyone who is the one and done type. I think that if you like that it is fine and you should do what works for you. For me, I would want to know your play style up front before playing. Otherwise, I would feel like you didn't enjoy the sex if you didn't exchange contact info or say you wanted to do it again. If before playing you kind of just work into conversation, "We really get a thrill out of just playing once and never repeat." or something like that, when you pop out at the end after a complimentary comment and sincere goodbye, the other couple will have a better idea of your mindset. I think that would make things less awkward.

 

This is all just my opinion. In our area nearly everyone we know plays repeatedly with friends. We all play with new people to, but the expectation around here is that people are looking for ongoing play partners. If someone told me they were one and done I would most likely play with them and find that exciting. If I didn't know they were one and done I would be troubled if they seemed to not want to repeat, if I thought it went well.

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I understand what your saying. This is why we choose not to meet couples off websites and such. We only play at the club, and the enviroment there makes the one and done thing slightly better. We meet tons of couples all night while having a few drinks and dancing and such, then usually get a few offers to come play (front part of club is like nightclub, back has private and group playing rooms. If the mood is right, we sometimes take someone up on the offer. Or sometimes we like to go watch the action, and will get a invite to join something already happening. We have never sat down and spent the night talking with a couple and then agreed to go play, it has always been a kinda spur of the moment thing. I would be fine with spending a whole evening with one couple and a planned encounter, but hubby is the ''slower'' part of our relationship and he definitely prefers the no strings attached play.

 

Does the above info change your opinion of anything you said? Is there a different set of ''rules'' to these type of encounters? When someone is playing and we get the invite to join in, is there something other then the basic rules and safety discussion that should take place? It's sometimes hard to even talk about that (we do it anyway) when we are coming in and things are already happening. It's like, excuse me, that sounds great and I would love to jump in there, but lets talk about XYZ and the whole time the couple is usually already engaged and it's hard to talk while having sex. Did that make sense?

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