Jump to content
Imswingin

Swinging exit strategies?

Recommended Posts

Hey guys, newbie here. One of my biggest concerns is getting stuck in an awkward or unwanted situation and not knowing how to get it of it, tactfully. So if hubby and I are asked to join a couple, we can totally tell someone thanks, but no thanks. My concern is getting into acts and something not feeling right, maybe it's an std concern or suddenly having a change of heart or once we get started things just aren't matching up. How do you deal with it, do you just keep going (of course not on the std issue) and take one for the team or do you have a signal or say something to your spouse letting then know this is over. Even if you give the signal and you and your spouse are ready to stop, what do you say to the other couple. Is there a way to end thing a wih the other couple and just finish fucking eachother? Is this a weird concern to have?

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post

Hi, Imswingin. This is definitely not a weird concern and actually a very good question. I wish I had some personal experience or advice that I could pass on to you but I don't because I really don't do well at saying no to people in general. So, I am hoping that others with more advice can help you out.

Share this post


Link to post

How you would say 'no' would depend very much on the situation and on the venue. If, for example, you were having an initial meeting with a pair of prospective playmates and the popped the question from across the table at the restaurant, you could say, "we prefer to not play on a first date," even if it is a lie, and the it would defer the question. You can go into battle with some pre-arranged responses.

Share this post


Link to post

It is a concern, and you're right to have discussed it ahead of time. We have found ourselves in a that situation once, and it was of the worst variety - things had already started but just weren't working out between him and her. Although not the direct cause, in hindsight, we probably tried too hard to make it happen. It was at a club, and they wanted to leave and go somewhere else, and we didn't. They didn't want to find a corner and play in the open play area, and that's what we usually do at a club. After some discussion, we finally settled on one of the few private rooms, and then had to wait in line like we were waiting for a table at a restaurant or something.

 

So things have gotten started and are moving from foreplay to sex, and it just wasn't there for her. They were a little bit ahead of where me and the other wife were at, but when she decided this just wasn't going to work, she just called my name and asked me to put it in her, and everyone involved just kind of naturally switched back to their own spouse. We continued on until everyone was done, which didn't take long since some idiot was banging on the door and killing the mood to start with (which is why we don't like the private rooms when it's busy, just too much hassle). Nobody was really mad, but the other guy afterwards asked me what happened, and I just deflected that by saying that she just wasn't feeling it, but that everyone had a good time and got off, so mission accomplished.

 

I think the key there is staying in tune with your partner. Our swinging pet peeve, her's especially, is someone who says they want to play but is really wanting to watch their spouse more than play themselves, so it can be overdone. It's not hard though to keep your eyes and ears open just enough to make sure everything is going ok with your spouse while still paying plenty of attention to your playmate. Too, most couples can communicate a lot with just a glance or a few words, and that is what happened there. She didn't say much, and said it very gracefully, but I heard a lot more in it than I'm sure they did and reacted accordingly, no questions asked.

Share this post


Link to post
It is a concern, and you're right to have discussed it ahead of time. We have found ourselves in a that situation once, and it was of the worst variety - things had already started but just weren't working out between him and her. Although not the direct cause, in hindsight, we probably tried too hard to make it happen. It was at a club, and they wanted to leave and go somewhere else, and we didn't. They didn't want to find a corner and play in the open play area, and that's what we usually do at a club. After some discussion, we finally settled on one of the few private rooms, and then had to wait in line like we were waiting for a table at a restaurant or something.

 

So things have gotten started and are moving from foreplay to sex, and it just wasn't there for her. They were a little bit ahead of where me and the other wife were at, but when she decided this just wasn't going to work, she just called my name and asked me to put it in her, and everyone involved just kind of naturally switched back to their own spouse. We continued on until everyone was done, which didn't take long since some idiot was banging on the door and killing the mood to start with (which is why we don't like the private rooms when it's busy, just too much hassle). Nobody was really mad, but the other guy afterwards asked me what happened, and I just deflected that by saying that she just wasn't feeling it, but that everyone had a good time and got off, so mission accomplished.

 

I think the key there is staying in tune with your partner. Our swinging pet peeve, her's especially, is someone who says they want to play but is really wanting to watch their spouse more than play themselves, so it can be overdone. It's not hard though to keep your eyes and ears open just enough to make sure everything is going ok with your spouse while still paying plenty of attention to your playmate. Too, most couples can communicate a lot with just a glance or a few words, and that is what happened there. She didn't say much, and said it very gracefully, but I heard a lot more in it than I'm sure they did and reacted accordingly, no questions asked.

 

Thanks, this was exactly the type of situation I was talking about. We can gracefully say no to someone we aren't interested in before action starts. But it's how to gracefully end a situation that is about to begin or has already begun and isn't working. As a single girl it was easy to end things that weren't working for me, a simple headache or too much to drink could end it easily. It gets more complicated when your spouse is involved and we are interested in activities together not seperate, so excusing myself isn't going to work.

 

 

I think we talked about sayin something simple, like "I want you" that tells him we can finish our okay exclusively and move on. Like maybe, we just got caught up I. The moment and finished worth eachother, no explanation needed.

Share this post


Link to post

I remember reading a saying here that applies in spades. The only time you can't say no to something is AFTER it happened. Even if you're in the middle of ongoing sex, you have the right to say no and extricate yourself. Yes, it might be uncomfortable. Yes, it might be a bit embarrassing. But, it is a far, far better thing to go through that than to sit in the aftermath and wish you had said no.

 

Others above have given some excellent advice above about potential ways to extricate yourself from the heat of the moment. I can't add anything to that; my wife and I haven't run into that situation. From the vanilla world, I did have a girlfriend who once asked me to stop in the middle of things. I did, immediately. I'd much rather have a play partner tell me 'please stop' than to continue and find out after the fact that she wanted me to stop, but didn't say anything. I'd feel horrible.

 

I can give a bit of input on the front side of things, before things get started. My wife and I have a bit of a 'code' to find out if a given couple or single male is acceptable, before the question gets popped. I'll gently squeeze her thigh. She'll squeeze my thigh back; 1 for yes, 2 for no. If there's a no on either of our parts (which of course means it's no for both of us), I handle the no's.

 

We do have a rule, to date uninvoked, that if either of us says we need to stop, we'll both stop, get dressed, thank our play partners, and excuse ourselves. No pauses, no attempts to stop the exit, etc. There's a reason the plug is being pulled, and we can discuss it in private. Though we of course have the utmost respect for our play partners, we have to be focused first on our situation, which in such a case would need attention right away, for whatever the reason is. We've never had this invoked on us either. So, it's all theory. But, that's our rule.

  • Like 1

Share this post


Link to post

There is no polite or "normal" way to stop once it has started. You can stop anytime you want but be prepared for an awkward confrontation. Your concerns or apprehensions have to be communicated before anything gets started.

Share this post


Link to post
Guest

You can wak away at any time. We were in Chicago doing the Rush Street bar hop. Bumped into the same conventioneer at 3 different places. Let him join us. Perfect gentleman. Bought us drinks, I danced with him a few times, some touchy-feely along the way. Turned out that his hotel is just down the street from ours. We go up to his room, things get going. I kiss both guys, the peel off my dress, no bra, just a thong. I take out his dick and suck it, tiny. Do the same with hubby's and the guy quickly strips. I go back to the guy, kissing stroking, letting him kiss my tits. Hubby undressing says "go down on her and she'll be all over us." Guy pushes me down so I am seated on the edge of the couch and puts dick in front os me. It's small but hard so I take all in. Now he pends my head against the back of the couch, thrusting it back and forth in my mouth. I actually like it when I feel like I am being forced or taken, but we have bypassed foreplay and warm-up. Hubby is standing naked looking at us and, and says, " You need to take care of her too, maybe we should move over to the bed where we have more room." The guy says ok, bake off a bit but as I start to get up, puts his head between my legs. Now, the two of us are in a 69 position, a couple of kisses to my pussy girl and he is on top, my head stuck in the back corner of the couch, his dick thrusting back and forth in my mouth, his head down between my thighs but his lips or tongue not touching me anywhere. Hubby says, "hey, this is suppose to be a threesome, not just a wham bam blow job for you and nothing for any one else. Get dressed honey." We get dressed and leave. The guys little dick goes very quickly from pulsating to all but disappearance. You can say no at any time, either one of you. In reality, I was turned on by being pent and forced. Probably would have swallowed it all when he came. But hubby thought we were both being short changed so we acted totally together. Later he and I discussed the complexities of my being turned on by being taken like that but the lack of any role for him in such.

Share this post


Link to post
You can wak away at any time. We were in Chicago doing the Rush Street bar hop. Bumped into the same conventioneer at 3 different places. Let him join us. Perfect gentleman. Bought us drinks, I danced with him a few times, some touchy-feely along the way. Turned out that his hotel is just down the street from ours. We go up to his room, things get going. I kiss both guys, the peel off my dress, no bra, just a thong. I take out his dick and suck it, tiny. Do the same with hubby's and the guy quickly strips. I go back to the guy, kissing stroking, letting him kiss my tits. Hubby undressing says "go down on her and she'll be all over us." Guy pushes me down so I am seated on the edge of the couch and puts dick in front os me. It's small but hard so I take all in. Now he pends my head against the back of the couch, thrusting it back and forth in my mouth. I actually like it when I feel like I am being forced or taken, but we have bypassed foreplay and warm-up. Hubby is standing naked looking at us and, and says, " You need to take care of her too, maybe we should move over to the bed where we have more room." The guy says ok, bake off a bit but as I start to get up, puts his head between my legs. Now, the two of us are in a 69 position, a couple of kisses to my pussy girl and he is on top, my head stuck in the back corner of the couch, his dick thrusting back and forth in my mouth, his head down between my thighs but his lips or tongue not touching me anywhere. Hubby says, "hey, this is suppose to be a threesome, not just a wham bam blow job for you and nothing for any one else. Get dressed honey." We get dressed and leave. The guys little dick goes very quickly from pulsating to all but disappearance. You can say no at any time, either one of you. In reality, I was turned on by being pent and forced. Probably would have swallowed it all when he came. But hubby thought we were both being short changed so we acted totally together. Later he and I discussed the complexities of my being turned on by being taken like that but the lack of any role for him in such.

 

Thank you for sharing that, chiccouplexx! What I really liked about your story is how your husband was able to interject and tell it how it was for both him and you. It doesn't always have to be the one "playing" to speak up and say no.

  • Like 2

Share this post


Link to post

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


×
×
  • Create New...