Sex on the first date...

Now some chat on SLS got me thinking about this one. The consensus among the chatters was they never have sex at a first meeting. There were various reasons from the "it's not classy" to "waiting makes the sex better" to "I want to know a person, no sex with strangers."

But isn't most of the sex we have had, swinger or not, with strangers? How often have we really KNOWN someone before we had sex? It can and does happen of course, but I think those are the exceptions not the rule.

Why would a meeting someone and chatting for four hours, saying goodbye, and then connecting again playdate be any different than a meeting someone for four hours, and going to a playroom that night?

The only time I can see this mattering is in very new swingers who don't know their partners, and don't know if they really want to do it. Going home and talking it over would make sense there. Are you SURE we want to do this? But I'm talking about experienced swingers here.

We will know in about 15 seconds on looks, and 30 minutes tops on personality if we are "compatible". Waiting another week won't change that much, and I think leads to more talking yourself out of it, not reconnecting, etc.

Now to be clear, let's separate this from the NEED to play first date crowd. The kind that will want to show up with a bottle of lube in one hand and a box of condoms in the other. I think most of us with experience always give ourselves an out and set up the first meeting to NOT be a play meeting just in case the people turn out to be liars or freaks. We usually do not play first meeting because we (and the couples we meet) give themselves this out.

At a club though or club-like atmosphere, we don't see the value in waiting.

So whats the take of others on this?

We have played on a first date and have no problem with playing on a first date. Our problem is actually finding people who want to sleep with us and vice versa There have been a few times when we didn't play on the first date where we would have, but it just didn't work out for another reason. Time, location, etc.

We are typically try to find people that we can sleep with over and over but we will take a one night stand anytime if the chemistry is there. We try to find reasons to sleep with people and not reasons why not. The longer it takes to get to that point, we will typically find a reason not to such as they are loony

I don't understand why people would be absolutely adverse to sleeping with someone the first night if the chemistry was there. What are they afraid of, we might think they are sluts

Speaking generally, as opposed to strictly about swinging, I have the same view. Casual sex or no casual sex isn't going to change how I view a person (or couple). I will like or dislike them regardless of where my dick goes.

There are people that I could enjoy sex with, that I know I wouldn't be real friends with. But that doesn't mean there is a judgment there, just some compatibility issue that is more long term than immediate.

I'd never assume sex on first meeting, even if it has been discussed and planned, simply because I want a partner that is truly into it as opposed to merely willing. If she's enthusiastic though, and there is time/location availability... why wait? We're not talking about holding out for religious or traditional reasons. We're talking about the difference between casual sex now, versus casual sex at a slightly later date...

My gut instinct on this is that it is a leftover "should" from a set of rules that we've essentially left behind. "Should" is hard to completely let go of though, so we have little leftovers that follow us around.

If she's enthusiastic though, and there is time/location availability... why wait?

I think this is key when sleeping with anyone. Enthusiasm has to be there with both partners because who wants to sleep with someone when you feel they are going through the motions to please their partner. Yuck.

We only went to clubs and did not try to hook up through ads, internet, etc. So, sex on the first meeting was common if there was mutual interest. What was most fun was sex with that same couple the next time we saw them at the club.

We have played with only a few people and we have played with them long-term. We've always been friends for quite a while before the friendships progressed into playing.

If it feels right...Do it.

Playing games to hold out is just not fun.

I had sex with my wife on our first date...10 years ago! It felt right.

When we first started, we were in the "No sex on the first date" category. It was more to give ourselves a chance to say no without feeling the pressure of saying it on the spot.

After a while, we felt comfortable with "No", so yeah, first date sex has happened, and will happen again if the stars are aligned.

That said, if we meet newbies, we usually do wait until they have had time to talk without us around, and make up their minds about how to proceed.

I think it has more to do with social stigmas than anything. I mean, swingers can't be that easy, right? What would your mother think?

/sarcasm

That was one of the rules that fell by the wayside... heck why wait a week.

Although not required we look for people who are willing to play on the first date if everyone agrees. Over the years we've found that if we don't play on the first meeting we will probably never play. Since most people know within a few minutes if they want to play with us or not we don't put a lot of effort into meeting people who state in their profile that they never play on the first date.

It's a lot easier to go to a hotel or house party where we can meet people and either they play or they don't. If one couple isn't interested there are others that we can connect with. I've never heard anyone a party say that they need to go home and talk about it first.

It depends, some people need to be tested socially, then there are others that just get you going. I think our quickest meet and play was 15 minutes, LOL. Yeah a bar, and he recognized us from our pics. Was fun, but worried a bit till we got blood tests, whew we were ok

I think you drew a good distinction between meeting at a club and meeting couples from internet profiles. You go to a club with the intention of playing if the circumstances were right. Meeting a couple from an internet profile you’ve decided that the profile was indicating what you were looking for, the meeting is to confirm that the couple in person is what you’re looking for. We have seen over the years in some internet profile were there was a real lacking in truth in advertising.

Talking just about us we frequently put in a no first date play clause when we meet new couples from internet profiles. The reason is we are in this to have fun and don’t find drama fun. What we don’t disclose is the timing of when the first date ends and the second date begins. If we click with the couple that second date starts after the second drink if we meet over drinks or after dinner if we’ve met over dinner.

With us the physical attributes we are looking for are probably not as demanding as the personalities of the couples we meet. When you meet a couple in a club you can evaluate both at the same time. When you meet couples you find online you have to meet to evaluate the personalities of the couples. I think the no play on the first date rule is more about a way out of the situation of telling another couple no you’re not what we’re looking for rather than a firm not playing on the first date rule for most couples.

Like others, we also had a first date, no sex rule. I'm not sure what my (yes, I own this one) dysfunction was and why I felt the need to wait.

We haven't had that rule for quite some time; Probably a month or two after swinging. I can't remember. I think I just needed to feel out the water first.

Since it's been a few years since we've started this adventure, I still think back and wonder what the hell my reasons were for a lot of stuff I put down as a rule. Geez, there were so many of them.

I think I just needed to get comfortable with the sex with others thing. Period. Luckily, it only took once.

We have met 2 couples and had sex with both on our first meeting. There wasn't much question as to whether we were going to have sex with the first couple. It was the only reason we met them.

We have never played on first date (in some cases, glad we didn't and others, wish we had of). Hubby has never had a problem with playing on first meet, it's me that usually needs to feel comfortable. Though out of the two of us, I tend to set the tempo...:-). When I look at where we are now, compared to where we have come from, if it felt right and if the time and location was agreeable to both couples, there wouldn't be a reason why we couldn't play on the first date. :-).

That was one of the rules that fell by the wayside.. heck why wait a week.

Just thought I would clarify this. We have no problem playing on the first date. However, we usually do wait. Especially if they are out of the circle of friends that we know. If there is a new couple that we meet at say a house party we probably will dive right in. But if they are new and don't have any friends we know, we go slow.

WE always assume First Date Sex is a possibility, unless the other players do something stupid or blow it by being creeps. So it's YES, unless you screw it up.

Alan wrote that we had sex with both couples we met on the first date. We did and we knew we were going to before we met the first couple. We had posted that the first couple we met we were excited to do this with. It was really a 'lets do this and not chicken out' thing. We met them because their picture was of an attractive young couple. I think Alan and I were both excited that they would want to meet us.

Looking back we had nothing in common with them. He was an asshole, she did anything he wanted her to. I had not been with a woman in years and was a little nervous. Alan never saw me do something like this and I knew he wanted us to do this. I have to admit that Alan got the better part of this. She was good looking and I have to admit I let her seduce me and it was satisfying and I did O with her.

Her bf was good looking and in great shape but the sex with him was not good and thankfully over very fast. I did get jealous watching Alan kiss the other girl and I think she very much enjoyed the sex with my husband.

The other couple wasn't as rushed and was more comfortable and friendly. Not as hot looking, but more enjoyable. We have met them again.

Her bf was good looking and in great shape but the sex with him was not good and thankfully over very fast. I did get jealous watching Alan kiss the other girl and I think she very much enjoyed the sex with my husband.

Well, I think the first sentence explains the "why" in the following sentence.

And I went home with the better man.

Our attitude toward sex on a first date, as with swinging for us in general...always a possibility, never a probability.

I feel particularly "slutty" because of what I'm going to say but 95% of our experiences were playing the same night we met them. The other 5% were because of fatigue or we were too shy to ask and waited for them to ask.

I feel particularly "slutty" because of what I'm going to say but 95% of our experiences were playing the same night we met them. The other 5% were because of fatigue or we were too shy to ask and waited for them to ask.

Embrace the sluttiness! :P

Most of our experiences have been at clubs, and probably 75% have been with people we met that night.

We are it seems one of the few who usually have always played after meeting someone the first time if the attraction was there for all parties concerned. The only exceptions have been when we meet a couple (after online contact) at a neutral location and they made it clear they were only there to meet and never played the first time. Unsurprisingly in everyone of those cases, we never heard from them again, leading us to conclude they never had an intention of playing, ever, no matter how the initial meeting turned out.

For those we've meet at a club, we usually knew during the first few minutes if play would be a possibility or not and if it was, it would follow in short order since what would be the point in arranging a future time when that is the whole idea and advantage of an on-site party.

Maybe, as Sun suggested, that marks us as slutty too, but putting too much emphasis on getting to know someone first seems too much like vanilla dating. I mean sex with strangers, sometimes on the spur of the passion-filled moment, is what swinging can sometimes be about...no?

I don't think there is anything wrong with sex on first date and we have certainly done it. Assuming we hit it off with the other couple, the usual reasons we don't have sex on the first date are logistical, like having plans later that night or don't have a ready place to get down and have fun.

Our first couple we met we didn't but we have since.

My first meetings with couples generally appears to be in a restaurant for a light meal. At some point near the end I will always excuse myself and go to the little boys room, so to let them discuss the next move (I assume). Without failure I get invited back to their place (and that is always on the first date). I once met a couple for the first time at their home, but even there I excused myself and let them alone for a few. We had a lot of fun after I returned.

yorktown: Congrats for your system. If more single men were as polite and even nearly as accommodating, there would be more invites to return home with us.. well done!

We've played more often at clubs with couples and singles we had exchanged emails and telephone conversations with beforehand.

I think the way it works for us is: we need to establish a connection with the person. We do this by being assured via email and conversation that we have somethings in common are of the same nature towards swinging etc. Then if we have established a connection with them we need to be visually attracted. Some people we "click with quickly in person at clubs on first date etc. Others maybe they are nervous, shy, it just doesn't happen. She responds to men that make her laugh more than just good looks and no personality, first date especially! He responds to a woman's erotic out going personality, first date a must.

Its just takes some time to connect or not, first time meeting or second or more. We find it impossible to connect at clubs that are too crowded or noisy to have a conversation. We've also found that venues with dancing make it easier to get into the mood for sex on first date.