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  1. #26
    Susan here-- She had an amazingly fun sex romp, you loved watching it, it was really only after she was exhausted (not unusual for first timers) and in reflection did you start looking for trouble, which you found. I think you leave it alone and learn more about what you want for next time and pursue it. She was loving the fucking she was getting and he perceived that he was doing exactly what she wanted. So, she's loving it, you're watching and saying nothing, he figures it's all okay. All first time experiences can go better, that's why they are first time experiences. Revel in what you had, which was pretty darn good and not in what you didn't. Get that next time. Also, he may be better if you have him in bed again after you explain certain improvements you'd like. I bet he'll value the suggestions and make things even better. Let's not assume he's a jerk, okay ?

  2. #27
    Every situation is unique, so don't base your whole idea of how threesomes go on this one event. I think for many men they can start to feel like they want all the attention. It's up to you and your partner to ensure that everyone is involved. You should let the guy know this up front, that it is about all 3 of you having fun. It's also up to you and your partner to have a discussion about what you both expect from a threesome. You obviously expect that she will finish the evening with you (or at least finish you off at some point during the evening), so you need to make that clear to her.

    There is no reason that as a threesome she can't give attention to both of you and you can't ensure that you are involved in all aspects. You may need to set a rule that you all stay on the same bed during the activities. Whatever rules you both agree in should be made clear to any third parties you involve. That said, you've got to figure out what you really want and talk to your partner. I'd start with sitting her down and telling her how the way the night ended made you feel.

    Keep in mind that she most likely did not leave you out intentionally. We all know that once we are done, we are done... Chances are you all had a few drinks too which may have left her more sleepy. She was probably also caught up in the newness of this new person and was focused on her own pleasure.
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  3. #28
    Swingers Board Addict janaandjames's Avatar
    Status
    female half of couple
    SLS Profile
    janaandjames
    We have been doing MFM for a few years now. We go over any possibility we can think of with the extra male. We talk about exactly what they can and cannot do. It does take away some of the spontaneous aspect, but it also helps avoid surprises that we might not like.
    We have even put off some men by doing this .. but it has worked out pretty well.
    Husband and I know what we want and we communicate that to the third person. Its up to him to decide if he wants to play or not then.
    one thing we like is for the men to "take turns"
    which avoids anyone feeling pushed around at all.

  4. #29
    Swingers Board Addict lovinher's Avatar
    Status
    married to lovinhim
    So what have you learned here? Everybody has differenet opinions and boundries. Every situation does not fit everybody and who's to say what the three of you did wrong? The only mistake was the booze and not discussing between yourselves and the other guy what you both wanted to happen. You had every right to feel like a third wheel. Buy that happened because you didn't discuss what you both wanted out of the encounter.

  5. #30
    Even with discussing, even with communication, this can happen. It has certainly happened to me in MFM's with my wife. For us it happened in the beginning when we had much less experience with it. Now it is less likely to happen not only because we have more experience and can go with the flow of the moment, but because we are more selective in picking a man for a threesome.

    Most important for us is a man who is actually interested in the threesome aspect of this, not just as a way to get laid. Many men, once action starts, revert to a twosome mentality and behave as if he is the only man there. There's nothing unnatural with this, it's completely normal. We prefer men who are interested in the threesome, interested in fully pleasureing her, meaning a partnership of three. Three can go sexual places two simply can't achieve. For us that is the point of a threesome, and we make it a point when screening guys. If they aren't into that, they aren't into a threesome with us.

    Of course this has taken time to develop. It doesn't mean that all three are physically involved at all times. There is watching and photographing, both of which I enjoy, but done with the goal of heightening the experience for all. And there are plenty of times when it's not perfect, when timing is off, or two get carried away. Experience allows going with the flow or interupting that particular flow, whatever feels best at the moment.

  6. #31
    Female half of the poster here, been too busy to jump in until now but "hubby" told me he would post our experience (thanks to the poster who suggested people get my perspective!). Couldn't resist taking a peek and after I got over the shock of the number of replies found the comments very interesting. Very busy but thought I would post my thoughts on condition that hubby agrees that I can have the last word!

    Before I babble let me say that me and hubby have discussed this a fair bit and we agree very much on the facts of what happened that night, though I admit that parts of the evening are a bit "gray". His judgement of others and situations is usually spot on so I won't add any more "facts". But, I do think I have a different perspective on our night which may be worth sharing.

    Before I get too far into things I'd like to stress that we have always had amazing communications. Some might say we tell each other too much at the risk of hurting each other, but that's just been our way of doing things. So before this encounter we talked a lot about what we would like to happen. Initiation, does, donts, positions (in quite some detail - it was fun! . In general terms, I wanted me and he to bring in a third. Initially I was more interested in us being primarily exhibitionist and then allowing a third to try one or two positions but as a mutually shared experience. But as we progressed with the fantasy I became interested in the idea of two men pleasing me at once. Note that I had no particular interest in having sex with another man and my hubby watching. Another thing worth noting is that though we are new to swinging I am not new to sex! In my early years I had an unusually "active" sex life. I left my single life with very few fantasies unfulfilled, at least those that one man could satisfy. So when it came to the idea of this adventure it was very clear in my mind that I was looking for a two man experience and not "another-man" experience. So I would say that we went into this with a good idea of what we together wanted.

    Fast forward to our Halloween bash where fantasy meets reality. A hot and steamy start that went better than expected but which starts to see my hubby less and less involved. I do have gaps in my memory but it seems that only one of the many things I had wanted occurred. So things did seem to go off track. Not saying I didn't have fun - probably just not as much fun as I hubby thinks I had - and I'm quite sure two would have been better than one!

    Looking back at our night it is clear that what we did was nothing like we had intended. I think I had imagined me being ravaged by two men with hubby very much taking control of things (if you knew him and our single male you would also have expected this). I guess I was very passive and just let things happen, and happen they did. In terms of rules and such, although we didn't break any specific rules we did get into a situation that was a no-go. It's true that we never discussed what to do if the other man starts to call the shots. Reason being that I never thought this would happen (didn't expect another male to attempt this (duh!) and knew hubby wouldn't allow it (wrong again!)). That being said I also didn't ask hubby if he would like to be hit with hammer over breakfast! Point is I could have told anyone that me having sex with another man calling the shots and hubby not participating would be 100% no-go for both of us.

    Yet it happened. At one point I even remember enjoying hubby watching me and the single male. But I also recall some confusion at the point at which things initially started to change. So I guess I just went with the flow. What I'm trying to say here is that the night went in a direction which neither of us had anticipated. As others have said main causes would be alcohol, inexperience and failing to communicate with the third about exactly what we wanted. But, the REAL thing I think I have learned is that you can never be quite sure where you will end up.

    Fast forward to last weekend. Hubby was kicking the ball around with my kids while I took the dogs out for a quick walk. One thing I had joked about previously was that he had better not pull a stunt like that on me or he would get his ass kicked! But as I came back to the house and started smiling at their antics it really hit me that I was not being honest with myself. If he had played exclusively with another woman while I was present, well I don't think I would get over it and I think our relationship might suffer. I actually wonder if I would want to be with him. He seems to be doing just fine and is willing to give this another try if I want to. But I now find myself wondering whether I would ever feel comfortable reciprocating. I'd have to say I have enjoyed him flirting with other women but it is also true that when he does this he always has one eye on me (he has a wink that is visible from the other side of football stadium! And that's really important to me, actually to both of us I now realise.

    So there you have it. The odd twist in this tale is that I am wanting to slow things down for fear of a negative experience on my part. And yes, we talked about this too and his response was to remind me that it is now ski season and he needs some help waxing the snowboards! I really do love this man Bottom line is things are good, but for now we intend to move a little more slowly and save the double-black diamonds for the slopes!

  7. #32
    Swingers Board Addict Gordo's Avatar
    Status
    couple
    SLS Profile
    HornyCanadian
    Great post. You seem to have analyzed the situation quite well and accepted the mistakes well.

    It's that ability to recover from potential damaging situations that make successful swingers. I think overall you two are going to do just fine.

  8. #33
    Been there done that. You are not alone... you have to also look at it from the nature perspective. Once her body allows him to enter her something else takes over. Her body craves his seed. We had the same our first mfm that came out of a night chatting with an old friend, a massage turned into a threesome. It was quite amazing and I ended up in the same place as you. To be short, as we changed positions and he positioned himself between her legs, I pulled her panties down, he started with our permission rubbing his cock on her pussy, she got so excited she basically demanded her fuck her. He looked to me, I nodded ... an emotional roller coaster later as he could see his cock sliding in... as I listened to her sounds, breath, she grabbed my cock for a bit but then purely focused on him. As he thrusted, her eyes rolled back, she came and he kept going, I became a tourist bedside. He started to pull his cock out to unload on her out of respect for her and me, she grabs his cock sticks it back in thrusts toward him and I could hear her say..."fuck me, put your seed in me...oh, put a baby in me" and he unloaded. My cock was so hard it hurt. As I moved toward them when they were done.. same thing. Good nite honey... we slept, was awake with a super hard cock. I finally fell asleep hours later to find him spooning with her , her head arched back a bit, hard nipples and he was slowly fucking her again, I could hear their sex juices as he blew another load in her.


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