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Fundamental Law

A reflection on house parties

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Last weekend, we were visiting LS friends in another part of the country and were invited to accompany them to a very pleasant houseparty--in their words, just to "get a sense of the local flavor". It was an interesting opportunity because it gave us the chance to look at the dynamics differently. (When along with friends and just to visit an out of town group, there was less attention to who else we might be interested in and when does the ice breaker start and so on...)

 

A few nights later, after the two of us returned home and were chatting about the weekend while relaxing in the hot tub, dear wife (hereafter, "DW") remarked that there seemed to be three sorts of couples at the party--

 

 

  • the gentlemen on the prowl and their rather less-interested ladies who seemed to be more tolerant than enthusiastic
  • ladies aggressively "tarted up" in slutwear, each looking to be more outrageous than the next accompanied by their admiring but often quiet gentlemen
  • couples amused/bemused by the whole event who were happy to be there with their partners just to soak in the atmosphere and even happier knowing that they were going home with their partners

 

I think DW's observations--perhaps oversimplified--were fundamentally correct. While each couple seemed truly bonded, each loving in their own way, there seemed to be some characteristic behaviors and perhaps characteristic expectations of what they wanted from the party and what they expected to happen.

 

Does this mesh with your experiences attending or hosting? Does it affect the types of parties you attend? For hosts, does this thinking color how you construct your invitation list?

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Matches my observations very closely (will not try to speak for my own "DW").

 

In regard the house parties that we host, we have seldom had a need to adjust the invitation list. The list seems to self adjust. People who are there simply to soak up the atmosphere become bored or frustrated after repeatedly finding themselves alone in the TV room while every other party-goer is upstairs kanoodling or in the front room getting a four-hands or more-hands massage. Anyway, our house is not large enough for a big crowd so there is not all that much atmosphere to soak up.

 

The gentlemen on-the-prowl are quickly perceived as such by the "regulars" and tend to be shunned.

 

It's good to stay small. Did you and DW attend a party that was in a big house with a big guest list?

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Interesting observations and definitely more relevant to big house parties than smaller ones. However, I do agree, it is a bit of an oversimplification of the types of people who are in attendance.

 

It's always interesting to read the posts here that talk about one half of a couple as being "disinterested", "dragged", and etc. when it could be possible that they are introverts, shy, reserved, or don't see anyone they are attracted to. I would bet $100 that someone has probably labeled me as a wife that was "dragged" into swinging when it's clearly not the case!

 

It is rarely the case where the husband is more dressed up than the wife and it doesn't reflect very well when the wife is better attired than her husband. Both of us dress up and do our best to look attractive to both halves of a couple. Now, I have seen what you are talking about in terms of slutwear (even I've worn a few when we first started to swing), where the wives are wearing dresses that have strategically places holes/rips in places. While I wouldn't really say those wives are trying to compete with other women, it could very well be for some of them.

 

As for other groups, when attending large house parties, you'll usually find that there are groups of people who know each other and stick with each other. Then there are many other couples who don't know anyone or hardly anyone and are milling around, standing around, or sitting around. These two groups in themselves can be broken into other groups, some of which you have provided.

 

In terms of whether it determines if we're attending or not...each party differs because of who is actually there and what is occurring. We have been to parties where nothing happened. We have been to parties where the type of swinging occurring wasn't something we engage in. There are parties where the action starts early. Others where the action started much later. However, we have avoided parties if specific couples were attending because they would continuously ask us to play even after several declines to do so. We have also avoided parties held a certain venues after experiencing them before.

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We try not to be too analytical. We have seldom gone to house parties cold, and those times we did, we didn't have a good time. We now only attend parties where we know at least one or more couples and we go expecting to get naked and have fun. Since we are friendly with some of the couples and they are friendly with others, we find that most of the group is h/w/p and generally as open and playful as we are. If we had to sort through various groupings (instead of groping) it'd be an early night.

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...

A few nights later, after the two of us returned home and were chatting about the weekend while relaxing in the hot tub, dear wife (hereafter, "DW") remarked that there seemed to be three sorts of couples at the party--

 

  • the gentlemen on the prowl and their rather less-interested ladies who seemed to be more tolerant than enthusiastic
  • ladies aggressively "tarted up" in slutwear, each looking to be more outrageous than the next accompanied by their admiring but often quiet gentlemen
  • couples amused/bemused by the whole event who were happy to be there with their partners just to soak in the atmosphere and even happier knowing that they were going home with their partners

 

I think DW's observations--perhaps oversimplified--were fundamentally correct. While each couple seemed truly bonded, each loving in their own way, there seemed to be some characteristic behaviors and perhaps characteristic expectations of what they wanted from the party and what they expected to happen.

 

Does this mesh with your experiences attending or hosting? Does it affect the types of parties you attend? For hosts, does this thinking color how you construct your invitation list?

 

About 10 years of "Yup" to those classifications above.

 

I'd also add that I have seen some couples who just came a party to only do each other in front of an audience though this happened infrequently. Probably cheaper than renting a hotel room while a baby sitter minded their children back at home.

 

At our parties, we never worried if people were "on the prowl" as we also had select single gentlemen and any single women who wanted to come to the party. While I was not the host who created the invitation list, after party notes were traded around by the hosts and Red and I about the people who attended to make sure we wanted certain people back. Only those people who were obvious drama problems or complete unadulterated freeloaders were not asked back. Our parties might have been considered more "crude" or "lower class" than some others, but hey, there is a price point for every market demographic...

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Love "slut wear" the only time I can wear all this sexy stuff, turn into the sex goddess I am. I absolutely am wearing it to attract my play partners not at all to compete with other women. Although after our second party we attended I noticed that women complimenting other women on their shoes was a frequent icebreaker and nobody complimented my shoes! After a massive shoe upgrade, I have not attended a party yet where I have not been complimented and it has definitely led into some fun encounters.

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Agree with original poster. We've been to a couple of house parties where the men were predatory and the wives were disinterested in playing. Result: my wife very popular, I was eating coffee cake with the women instead of eating the women.

 

A recent house party we attended was 100 percent more enjoyable, with a more women into playing.

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