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I can't invite everyone, how do I explain this to those not invited?

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I have a general question that arose out of a specific circumstance. As many move forward in the Lifestyle they meet more and more people. Some become close friends, many at least people you see on a repeat basis. How have you handled the fact that when you throw a party or event that has a limited invite list you just can't invite everyone.

 

In vanilla situations this of course occurs all of the time, wedding, parties, etc. But I feel the fallout or hurt feeling may be less, plus in the Lifestyle you may want to maintaining the FWB aspect even with the people not invited.

 

Here's the specific circumstance. I took over as planner for a multi-day swinger event at a vacation destination. It is such that if you are not invited you cannot attend, a private event. I simply can't invite everyone I would like to. How would you explain (or have you explained) to the B and C list people when they learn of the event.

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Excellent suggestion extend invitations to all you want to attend and then the first to respond and if money is required, it is in; paid up, they are accepted, snooze you loose, there is always next time.

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. . . In vanilla situations this of course occurs all of the time, wedding, parties, etc.
These are the operative words.

 

What never, ever happens is that everyone whom is invited comes. Order extra hors d'oeuvre and extra champagne in case everyone comes and then invite everyone.

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The first thing you have to remember is that you can't please everyone. In the LS, like everywhere else in life, there are A list, B list, and C list people. You might try asking the folks who stuck you with this job, in the first place, just who they want invited. Then, if they have given you enough lead time on this party, give a cut of date for RSVP's. After that you can open up the invite list to some lower on it. Of course, the way things are with people today, most will expect that the cut off date only applies to others, not themselves, and will expect to RSVP on the eve of the event.

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This is something that we run into quite often aa some of the venues we use have limited space. What we do is invite the most active of the people in our area first and give them a rsvp date. We then open invites on a first come first served basis.

 

When we reach the magic number we accept 10% more, knowing that there will be last minute cancellations and no shows. Most venues can take a few extra people anyway.

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We've run into this a few times, too. First off, you have to remember that at least 10% of the invitees won't show. So you want to pick a set of folks to be on the "first wave" of invites. These are typically the folks that are your first choices to attend. As you get negative responses, just move down the line of potential guests.

 

Hopefully, the folks that didn't make it on the guest list will be adults about the whole thing. Best of luck to you, I hope your event is a rousing success!

 

=)

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invite who you want and ask them not to talk about the party to others as you have limited space, etc. and cannot invite everyone and do not want to hurt peoples feelings.

 

i go to many parties where everyone we know is not invited for various reasons. we all just keep our mouth shut about it and the couples not invited don't even know the party happened.

 

might not work for everyone, but it has worked excellently, with no issues, for years for me and my friends.

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Are there specific people that have made the list? Or is it as someone suggested just a random you can only invite X # of people thing?

 

If it's specific people and you've had to decide who makes the cut. I'd base it on chemistry of the group. IE. if there's 10 couples being invited and there are already 4 that are for sure I'd base the other 6 being invited on who would fit best with those already attending. I would not explain to anyone why anyone else was not invited unless they asked. I wouldn't go telling those not invited about the event (that's just going to make them feel bad). However, someone may still find out (hear through word of mouth) and feel left out. If that's the case and they come to you just explain the reason why they were not invited (limited space, had to invite those we felt would mesh best with those already attending).

 

If it's just a matter of you have space for X# and it really doesn't matter who shows up, then do what others suggested and put out he invite in such a way that clearly states - "we only have room for X # of couples, so RSVP fast - first come, first serve". It's fair and no one can complain.

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