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So one of the Cardinal Rules of Swinging is "no means no". But at a club, or in any type of open play environment, from some people's accounts what they felt was a clear "No" was sometimes still subject to interpretation by the receiver. Let's say you are playing and someone is trying to join in, and you say no. Does that mean they should clear the area far enough to where they aren't in your bubble any more, or since it's a public play area, do they have the right to sit just far enough away to not be actually touching you but they are still focused entirely on you? What about if they are doing that and masturbating too?

 

So, what does "No" mean to you - "no, I don't want physical contact with you" or "no, I don't want to be an object of gratification for you even without physical contact"? Have you ever encountered this before? How did you handle it?

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Yeah we have had guys masturbate near us while we were having sex with other people. I don't mind people watching us, I like it a lot in fact. I also have no problem with them masturbating while watching us. Again I think it's kinda hot and frankly once we are into something you are really only focused on your partners.

 

We have had some, get too close. Basically trying to put their junk in my wife's face. After one incidence I discussed this with my wife, like that was kinda a drag.

 

So now we will tell people that we need some space. We haven't really had any further issues. We have no problem now asking people to give us some space. The reality is people do get pushy.

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Was it after she had told them "No" though? I actually got the idea for this thread from a post in another thread, and that was really the gist of it - it wasn't that some guy was jerking off watching, it was THAT guy who had already been told no had backed off just far enough to not make physical contact and was jerking off watching. Like he was following the letter of the law, but not the intent.

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To me "no" means no physically touching. With the environment of a public club, how far is ok for someone to watch and masturbate? I don't think you can prevent someone from watching. If the person is really close, like I can reach out and grab his cock, I may ask him to back off a bit to give us some space. Recently we went to a club where the room we were in was couples only but on three sides were glass or plastics that people can watch and masturbate (and that they did).

 

I don't mind people watching, so perhaps I am not as bothered by it. My thing is they don't touch if I say no. If someone asks nicely for permission to watch, I would and have let the person watch up close.

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Public area/group area I don't expect privacy but would ask someone to give us space. If I don't want to be watched in a group area, then

I need to leave and go to a private area.

 

No is about physical contact.

 

No might be about being watched but only if I'm in a private area and someone is invading that private area. Then it's more "get out"! ;)

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No means no, but what it means as an answer to a question depends on the question.

 

Can I join in? No, but if we're doing it in a public area or with the door open, that means people can watch.

 

As folks who enjoy public play we've had a couple of times when guys have pushed our boundaries. I can think of one time a guy tried to join in uninvited. I told him to back off and he backed off (I think he may have moved back to the door and watched, but I honestly didn't pay attention). Another time a guy we actually invited to play started being rude. I told him to fuck off and he left without complaint.

 

In general we seem to have never had a problem with a guy which couldn't be solved by saying something.

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