Affairs and Bowling

Sometime back I wrote this analogy of having an affair with bowling. I’d enjoy your comments on it.

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A woman having a affair with her husband’s knowledge and permission shouldn’t be an ethical or moral problem.

Let’s take an example. Let’s suppose I decide to take up bowling. My wife Rebecca isn’t interested, or it might be an all-guys league. Every Thursday morning, Rebecca says “Have a nice time,” and that night instead of going home I head over to the bowling alley and hang out with the guys. Knowing me, after the game we go to a bar and I have a few beers, I don’t get home until after Rebecca’s in bed. Let’s suppose my team does well, and we decide to go to a couple of out of town weekend tournaments. I tell Rebecca about it, and she tells me to go ahead, have fun.

What has Rebecca lost by my bowling? She doesn’t have me on Thursday nights and a couple of weekends. But she knows I’m not going to be around, and probably she’s actually happy about it – she can have time without me, not worry about me, do some things I’m not fond of. I use some money for my hobby, buy a bowling ball and shoes, pay the fees, and drop a few bucks on beer and the weekend trips, but that’s well within our budget, Rebecca won’t go hungry because of it. If Rebecca has a real need for me on a particular Thursday night, maybe her company’s Christmas party or something, I simply cancel my bowling and go with her. And if there’s an emergency, all she has to do is call the bowling alley, and I’ll come right home. And I’m not bowling most nights, I’m still mowing the lawn and shoveling the snow.

Have I done anything wrong by taking up bowling? I hope you’ll agree that I haven’t.

Now, let’s suppose that Rebecca starts seeing another guy, and decides she wants to get it on with him. She comes to me, tells me about it and gets my permission. Then let’s suppose she tells me they want to get together on Thursday nights for dinner and sex, and I say fine with me. Every Thursday morning, I give her a kiss and tell her to have a great time. Maybe she comes home right after they screw, maybe she spends the entire night with him; it shouldn’t matter to me, I know where she is, that’s she’s safe, and if I have a real emergency I can always get a hold of her. The guy wants to take her out of town for a romantic weekend. Again, she lets me know plenty of time ahead, and I don’t have a problem with it. If I need her for something on a particular Thursday night, I can ask her to cancel the other guy and I’m sure she'd accommodate me. Maybe she spends some money on the other guy, Birthday and Valentines Day gifts, but nothing out of line, it won’t break the bank or anything. And she’s home Monday thru Wednesday and almost all the weekends – if I want to make love to her those nights, she should be as willing as normal.

As long as we both know about it and agree on the ground rules, an affair is no worse than bowling.

Interesting analogy, but I’m still trying to fully understand the comparison. We all have our kinks and I’m not judging in the least. Rebecca wants to go on dates and you enjoy bowling, knock yourselves out and have a blast! However, you’re comparing your wife to a bowling ball. You stick your fingers in the bowling ball, other gentleman sticks his fingers, among other things, in your wife. I’ve never heard of anybody getting pregnant or catching an STD from bowling. Like I said, if that’s what you’re into, go 100% with it. Obviously both are hobbies and I think that’s what you’re getting at, just don’t agree with the analogy.

Sounds good, except for the bowling part.

Maybe there was no intention to compare the wife to the ball The analogy is about giving space to each other's activities, without jealousy or competition.

Use of the word, "affair". Is it from an outsider's point of view? Or we only call it an affair if Rebecca's date doesnt know she is married? My understanding is it is an affair if one of the parties doesnt know what the other is doing?

...or it might be an all-guys league.