Taking one for the team

I know most couples would say that they will never take one for the team, but in reality there is almost always one half that is more attracted to the other couple then the other half. That’s not to say they are disgusted by the other person, just not as excited. As an older couple, we stay in very good shape. Finding a couple that we are both attracted to is not easy. Seems we find many women that are attractive but their husbands look like they haven’t exercised since high school gym class. I would never expect my wife to take one for the team just so I could have fun with the other woman. But what about when one thinks the other is ok, not great, but ok, would you then partake knowing your other half is very interested. My wife can have fun with anyone as long as he takes care of her and she likes women as well. its so much better when there is a strong physical attraction. I would think many couples find themselves in this situation quite a bit.

How do you guys handle it?

We didn't have many notches on our bedposts, probably because we didn't swing with couples we didn't like. I don't remember ever turning a couple down because of their looks. I do remember a hypothetical question being answered by Mrs. Alura:

"Take one for the team, Darling? It's sex! How bad can it be?"

A couple of times we had "test fucks". If they didn't work out, we looked to the future.

I know most couples would say that they will never take one for the team, but in reality there is almost always one half that is more attracted to the other couple then the other half. That’s not to say they are disgusted by the other person, just not as excited. As an older couple, we stay in very good shape. Finding a couple that we are both attracted to is not easy. Seems we find many women that are attractive but their husbands look like they haven’t exercised since high school gym class. I would never expect my wife to take one for the team just so I could have fun with the other woman. But what about when one thinks the other is ok, not great, but ok, would you then partake knowing your other half is very interested. My wife can have fun with anyone as long as he takes care of her and she likes women as well. its so much better when there is a strong physical attraction. I would think many couples find themselves in this situation quite a bit.

 

How do you guys handle it?

Male half here.

I do not believe that we have ever turned anyone away just for lack of initial physical attraction. We have though for personality issues that we felt made it a No Go.

Some of our best playmates have been people with some "imperfections". Then again they had to get past the imperfections that we bring to the game.

"Test fuck", what a great term. I think Mrs Doc and I would have truly enjoyed knowing Mrs Alura. To answer the question, We have progressed from looking for the perfect couple to looking for "doable" couples. We've come to recognize that it IS "just sex" and that a 4-way 10 on a scale of 1-10 level of attraction is almost impossible to find. Consequently, we won't play if one of us says "ugh" or "meh" but if one of us it reasonably attracted to half the couple and the other half is "doable" we'll explore further. We've been pleasantly surprised more often than not. I think that we've refined our selection process sufficiently over the years that we tend now to only meet people, couples or singles, who fit our minimum attractiveness level, i.e. somewhere close to our target age bracket, and h/w/p.

"Test fuck", what a great term. I think Mrs Doc and I would have truly enjoyed knowing Mrs Alura. To answer the question, We have progressed from looking for the perfect couple to looking for "doable" couples. We've come to recognize that it IS "just sex" and that a 4-way 10 on a scale of 1-10 level of attraction is almost impossible to find. Consequently, we won't play if one of us says "ugh" or "meh" but if one of us it reasonably attracted to half the couple and the other half is "doable" we'll explore further. We've been pleasantly surprised more often than not. I think that we've refined our selection process sufficiently over the years that we tend now to only meet people, couples or singles, who fit our minimum attractiveness level, i.e. somewhere close to our target age bracket, and h/w/p.

I love the term “doable”.

Laura and I liked the term, "test fuck." The way it came about, we had talked most of a dinner date about Swinging, even to preferences, no-nos, swallowing, etc. We came to a lull in the conversation and Laura said (brightly) "Our kids are at Grandpa's for the weekend. Y'all wanna come over to our place for a Test Fuck?" When the laughter died down, that's where we went.

You would have liked her, Padoc. (Most people who met her loved her.) She was a riot! She came up (spontaneously!) with the most unusual remarks while we playing. I've posted about some of them before.

As always communication is important. Avoiding problems requires regular open communication, and some sort of 'system' for letting your partner know 'This aint gonna work."

I had a relationship crash precisely because communication was poor on this subject, as well as some others. If you can't get clear communication established you probably have bigger problems than this one.

When it comes to playing with other couples, one or the other of you normally choose. I mean, there is potential introductory interactions from 4 different people. In our case, I have more often been the one who initiates the interaction or the one who receives that intial interaction from the other couple, the man or the woman. My point is that almost every time out one or the other of you are acception your partners choices, or taking one for the team. Now, I know the kind or shape of a woman that is outside the interest of my husband, so I simply try to stay away from those. Now the thing is, from our first swing experience on, whether with a single guy for MFM, or with another couple, my husband has commented that my choices aren’t what he imagined they would be. I mean, he is a big, strong hunk of a good looking man, always has been. We knew of each other in high school and college and, as a cheerleader, I dated the good looking atheletes. Now days though, I tend to pick more on the guy that is entertaining in that 30 minute or two hour conversation you have before moving to sex so often times, the guys are shorter or more puggie, or older than I guess he would expect. Like at Desires once, there was this rather short, fairly heavy guy that was just enthralled with me and he had just the most pleasant personality, even won the whatever award they give each week for most outgoing or funniest or whatever. His wife seemed more interested in other wives than in the men and was really outside the bounds of my husbands interest. He danced with her a few time while her Tom kind got acquainted with me a bit at the night club but my hubby just couldn’t get into her. So, in the end, “he took one for the team” but by suggesting the next nigh that we two take Tom to the playroom for MFM or he would just watch. Later he suggested that perhaps he enjoys seeing me do these “average” Joes more than when the guy is, well, more like him, big, strong, good looking.

Everyone is different. Every person or couple will find their own comfort level. Neither of us have taken one for the team....or more precisely we tend to enjoy who we are with. It is purely situational with us. We are both sure that there have been those who were more “shopping” for their personal interests and one of us didn’t qualify. We can read a room....and can feel the direction of conversation with other singles and couples. With us it is 85% personality and attitude. No matter the event or situation are biggest turn off are those who are “shopping”. We spent many years in the lifestyle enjoying group play....fun...exciting...continually swapping and changing playmates all in the room...on the bed or floor....playful. Some of our best experiences happened with people and couples that you would think we would have shy away from. As far as best playful experiences for her there was a man who was heavier with a smaller than average penis but had a huge fun personality....life of the party....that was very playful and could keep going and recover quickly. An older couple we both enjoyed very much both socially and intimately. For me the same couple but also two women at separate times. One woman 18 years older then me....67 at the time....that knew what she wanted and knew how to please who she was with. Kind of in charge of the play from beginning to end and was very talented of getting me...or any guy she selected to recover and continue two or three times over a couple of hours of full on sexual play. She selected who she wanted at our parties and had a few of us that she would usually go to. She was very intimate. Another about our same age at the time....started out a little shy. Out of a poor love and sexless marriage the year before. Once she became comfortable she was hugely explorative and wanting to experience everything. She also liked practicing new skills she discovered. This woman was far from a “10” but certainly a ten to us. So to each their own. Like the song says....”....love the one you’re with....”

There's a difference between 'taking one for the team' and being less excited than your SO.

I would never (nor would I want my wife to) have an interaction with someone I really didn't want to. But if the person I'd be with is less attractive than the person my wife would be screwing, I'd still be with someone that's somewhat attractive. That's not 'taking one for the team,' IMHO.

For me the bar is, 'would I have sex with this person if my wife wasn't here?'