Advice on getting to playtime

We are a 50’s couple that struggles to get from the socializing stage of meeting people to the actual playtime. We have been to 5 parties this year that has resulted in no play for us this year yet. I don’t feel we are unattractive. What we have seem to witness is the other people are always a step ahead of us. An example of this would be say my wife asks a guy to play but he states he already made a promise to another lady. Or I start flirting with a lady but her focus gets drawn away by another guy. But later I ask her to play and she states I’m too tired for anyone else that evening. There are other scenarios as well. Such as being couple blocked by another couple we were interested in. These are house parties that it’s known everyone will play. They are small. 10 couples typically. So my question is how do you deal with this? Another question I have is how as a guy, can I keep from being cock blocked so much?

I , the male, am very polite and shy. I am hesitant to ask women to play. But as my wife says, you have to keep asking.

After a horrible track record at house parties, my last two were a smashing success. Here is what happened.

Party one: I start playing with my wife. Another man who we know starts playing with her, too, I ask him if his wife will be coming over. He says later. Apparently, she would rather get a blow on the head than play with me. I move onto the bed where I suck the boobs and make out with a woman getting intercourse from her husband. I then go down on a woman who previously ditched us a a hotel party. I then, to my surprise, had intercourse with her. Very successful party.

Party two: we know all but one couple at a house party. They are younger and attractive. My wife and I pounce on them when playtime starts. Great session! I go on to join two women I know for my first FFM threesome.

What can we learn? Hover near the action, ask if you can join, someone will say yes. Strike early. Know a lot of people at the party. When we know no one or one couple only, it’s difficult to go from strangers to intimate.

Sometimes, it’s just luck of the draw, but some strategy helps. Whatever you think is going to happen is not what happens. But when you have fun at a future party, you will have a big smile.

We are a 50’s couple that struggles to get from the socializing stage of meeting people to the actual playtime.

There can be as many reasons as there are players. Attraction comes down to the five senses: sight, sound, touch, taste, smell, more or less in that order. Sight involves both 'fitness', how you carry yourself, how you present yourself, what you are wearing, grooming. It goes without saying that all should be optimized. Perhaps the most important is sound. How do you present yourselves when you greet a couple for the first time? What do you say, and how do you say it? Try it into a recorder--you can do this with your smartphone of course--wait a few minutes and play it back. Speaking--voice, timbre, gestures, expressions--that's a skill and like any other skill demands practice. You have to be authentic, warm, engaged, inviting. It is not easy. Touch is among the complex issues at parties, because you want to send signals--the invitation to the dance--with just the right intensity and just the right time. Perhaps the best way to think of this is 'seduction at warp speed'--which means that you need to be able to read the signals and respond in just the right time frame. Pre-LS, women are usually more experienced at this than men. Smell and taste--that's personal style. We are minimalists--fresh and clean works best.

The chemistry is absent more than it is present. That said, looking people in the eye, a smile on the face and warmth in the voice and expressing genuine interest in the person(s) with whom you are speaking matter more than anything else. That first eye contact from across the room, the introduction, those first words make you vulnerable -- after all, you can't be rejected if you don't put yourself out there. Embrace that vulnerability--within it lies your greatest power.

There can be as many reasons as there are players. Attraction comes down to the five senses: sight, sound, touch, taste, smell, more or less in that order.

Smell is actually at the top of the list. Otherwise, the rest are in the correct order.

As my wife and I won't be going to a club until next month, I don't have much to offer in regard to the OP. But I'll check back if the same thing happens to us.

Let me add a few more comments about us. No one has a perfect body. Some people are bigger others are smaller. A mixture of body types. We are within 10 years in age. We know 80%. With so few of people, about 10 couples, no group activity is usually seen. This group has the best chances for us to play. The club we go to never really lends itself to play. 95% their don’t ever play. We just want to be attractive more to the others. We don’t mind pursuing, but want some success. Hygiene definitely is not our problem. It’s meticulous. We’re not thin people but neither are some of the others. I feel it could be a confidence issue. I’ve been working on this but find it the most challenging. I see some guys never even try and the women seem to come to them. It’s hard for me to say about my wife why the guys don’t go for her.

Maybe you need to find a new group of friends. You can meet a couple on an online site. They may invite you to a house party. Or host a hotel party for couples that you like. We have general success in the lifestyle, but at some events there is no interest in us and we just pack it in and go home. It’s not an easy hobby.

Reading between the lines, it sounds like you think that your weight is detrimental. If you go on a program and drop some weight (which I have done more than once), it will boost your attractiveness, health, self=confidence and performance.

Confidence is an issue, because it spills over to appearance and voice and especially openness. Observations at house parties suggests that this can be an issue for one or both members of a couple. Body language, dress, eye contact, if and how you touch your spouse, how you are conversing with each other--all of this sends signals. You do not need to be in an LS environment to see these behaviors. Watch for it in a restaurant, at a cocktail party, and so on. People send all sorts of messages about approachability. Now, you can still be rebuffed--that happens to everyone, us included. But you have to project openness and you have to have confidence in whatever opening gambits you choose, e.g. "Hi! We're Alice and Bob. Those shoes are stunning with that outfit--where did you get them?" Or whatever.