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eruditesdw

Wife's new friend is very hostile to me.

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Wife met a nice man about 6 weeks ago. They hit it off very well but since then he has become very demanding of my wife. They go to concerts together and nice restaurants and they have a ball. However, his new rules are " When they are together I am not to text her or call her while she is with him "And" I am not to go into any restaurant or bar if I see my car in the parking lot...( Note we live in the same neighborhood and go to the same places to hang out ) Wife says he gets upset when I text her or calls. So last week end I drove by my favorite bar and there is my car in the parking lot( We have two cars but they are mine ) so I parked and went into the club. He had a fit!! Wife was upset. Wife said "Get out Get out my boyfriend does not like you here so get out"...He just sat there refusing to look at me or be friendly. Wife again says "Get the fuck out of here he does not want you around"! I said "I've been coming here for 26 years and I am not leaving" so I was polite to her boyfriend and said "Nice to see you" and I went to the end of the bar and had a nice drink. The wife and boyfriend left in 45 minutes and I didn't see my wife until 6 in the morning. Then they went to a concert and a day and a half later she comes home all upset. He want to have sex with her but he put his foot down "I do not want to be friends with your husband and he must never ever contact you when you are with me"..He then went on to say he hates our life style and says she is treated like a whore by all our friends and he is going to not deal with me ( The husband ) or our other friends at the bar. ( There are other people like us ) Again he told her "Tell your husband to never ever approach us when we are together because when you are with me you belong to me"..Wife is worried about him...He tried to kill himself a few years ago and another time got super drunk and hurt someone...He did time and was not allowed to drink during probation... Now he uses my car, Credit cards, ( To make reservations ) and never drives my wife anywhere. Wife likes him and he is good to her but when they are together I am treated like dirt. Wife comes home and cries because she is ashamed by treating me terrible when she is with him. ( You know the...Get out!! Get out!! He doesn't want you here...That type of thing ) Lol...What a situation I am in.

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"Wife met a nice man about 6 weeks ago."

 

"Wife met a nice man"

 

"a nice man"

 

I think we're narrowing down where everything is getting confusing.

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It’s an LOL post if you know what I mean. There is no question, he is sharing his story. If he likes the cuck situation and being disrespected and piles of drama, congratulations. I’d be curious to hear the wife’s version.

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If this story is veridical from the OP’s perspective and the writer is not simply trolling us, this is one of the sorriest tales I’ve ever heard.

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Wife met a nice man about 6 weeks ago. ... Wife again says "Get the fuck out of here he does not want you around"! ... He then went on to say he hates our life style and says she is treated like a whore by all our friends.... Wife is worried about him...He tried to kill himself a few years ago and another time got super drunk and hurt someone... Wife likes him and he is good to her but when they are together I am treated like dirt. Wife comes home and cries because she is ashamed by treating me terrible when she is with him....

 

I apparently have a COMPLETELY different definition of "nice" than y'all do.

 

I am a bit confused... and wonder also if this is just a trolling post... yet I will take this opportunity (and the time) to climb on my soap-box. ... Perhaps it will be of value to some....

 

"'Cause it's signals, Jerry, it's signals!" ... "This is the signal, Jerry, this is the signal!".

- George Costanza - Seinfeld

 

I turned 60 this past summer. ... In the past decade or so I have had a number of "epiphanies". I suspect this is something we all do, as a part of the aging process. (One [or multiples] of those epiphanies has been getting involved with this BBS.) ... :-D

 

It is only in the past 2 to 3 years that I have come to the conclusion that it is all about respect... and that door swings BOTH ways. (While I do my best to be respectful of others, I have no doubt that I occasionally drop the ball. Life is an education.)

 

But I do not care who you are these days, even someone that I am forced to have contact with on a regular basis (family member, co-worker, etc.)... If I feel disrespected by someone in any way, I am inclined to hand them their walking-papers, immediately, no explanation on my part is needed (or required). When contact is inescapable, I will be cordial, answer questions, etc... but I never volunteer anything, and the moment I can sever the contact, I jump on it! .... (I am a bit of a late-bloomer. It has been quite a ride so far.)

 

I am fairly confident that most would agree...

Life is far to short to spend time entertaining a**holes.

 

One thing I think of often these days, that helps me stay on track, is this:

"If you loan someone $20 and never see them again, then it was probably a good investment."

(When viewed metaphorically, this can cover a LOT of territory.)

 

Another nugget that I am very fond of is something I picked up in the late '80's, while regularly attending Al-Anon-ACOA meetings...

"You cannot change others. You can only change yourself, and how you react to others."

 

If you are happy with your current situation (and the "LOL" response seems to be an indicator of this), I say, "Party ON Dude!"

 

If you are unhappy and/or distressed by your current situation, then maybe it is time to take a good look within yourself, and ask, "What do I really want out of life?"

 

As I finished this post (which was fun to write), I decided to look back on some of the OP's past submissions.

 

All I can say at this point is:

If you do not have Peace & Happiness in your life, and that is something that you desire, then I sincerely hope you can find it.

 

Good Luck.

 

bud

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Well, not happy but I will do the proper response at the correct time. Wife and him are intense. Step by step.

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It’s an LOL post if you know what I mean. There is no question, he is sharing his story. If he likes the cuck situation and being disrespected and piles of drama, congratulations. I’d be curious to hear the wife’s version.
....An LOL Post??

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This post begs the question…What kind of man/husband are you? If you can't see that this guy is being disrespectful of you, your marriage, your life, your friends and your choice than I suggest you get a white cane. If your wife is willing to condone the guy's behavior, I suggest you get a new wife cause you're going to be needing one in the near future anyway if the "boyfriend" has anything to say about it.
.....Thanks for the reply. You are right to point.

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Danger, Will Robinson, Danger.

 

This is classic batterer behavior.

 

Well, he is nice to her...He just treats me like crap when we meet out in the world.

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Some one needs to be kicked to the curb YESTERDAY.

The boyfriend or your wife. Her choice.

 

 

Yea...You could be correct "But" with 28 years of marriage and everything paid off I have to think about this....Duh!!! Maybe I'll just write sucker on my forehead....Yea that's how I feel.....

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Well, not happy but I will do the proper response at the correct time. Wife and him are intense. Step by step.

I have read all your responses up to this time.

 

Yes, 28 years of marriage is nothing to take lightly.

 

You have your work cut out for you.

 

It sounds like you are approaching this with some thought & care... and that will usually get you a LOT farther than being purely reactionary, especially on the spur of the moment.

 

Best wishes for a speedy, healthy, and safe resolution to this situation.

 

bud

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I have read all your responses up to this time.

 

Yes, 28 years of marriage is nothing to take lightly.

 

You have your work cut out for you.

 

It sounds like you are approaching this with some thought & care... and that will usually get you a LOT farther than being purely reactionary, especially on the spur of the moment.

 

Best wishes for a speedy, healthy, and safe resolution to this situation.

 

bud

.... The biggest surprise as of this morning? How many people in my area heard about what happened and now are somewhat angry with me for allowing my wife to yell out "Get out of here I don't want you here you are not allowed to be here"...Seems most think I should have put my foot down and sent him on his way home. ( A few said I should have punched him ) Anyways, at my old age I have learned to show calmness and be polite if at all possible. This time I made the correct moves. To all here on this site thanks for the replies.

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Time for you to both sit down and have a heart to heart talk. She doesn't seem as concerned about the 28 year marriage or anything else that concerns you. Let her know that this is causing you harm, this isn't kind loving behavior, and this needs to stop (or at least be put on hold for a bit) and see what she has to say. Part of this is probably her running on the NRE (new relationship energy, it's new and exciting), but it is at the cost of your emotional security. She needs to know this. The NRE will start to wear off and she should see that this guy (other than being new) isn't all that, but you need to talk. No threats or pressure, just the truth. I'm guessing that she likes his authority and it sounds like that is something you lack. Without being confrontational, it's time to stand up and take charge. Good luck and let us know how things are going.

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Time for you to both sit down and have a heart to heart talk. She doesn't seem as concerned about the 28 year marriage or anything else that concerns you. Let her know that this is causing you harm, this isn't kind loving behavior, and this needs to stop (or at least be put on hold for a bit) and see what she has to say. Part of this is probably her running on the NRE (new relationship energy, it's new and exciting), but it is at the cost of your emotional security. She needs to know this. The NRE will start to wear off and she should see that this guy (other than being new) isn't all that, but you need to talk. No threats or pressure, just the truth. I'm guessing that she likes his authority and it sounds like that is something you lack. Without being confrontational, it's time to stand up and take charge. Good luck and let us know how things are going.
...Yes I am very easy going and I would like to add being my age I can not have the good old romp in bed so we ( I ) agreed for her to have a friend with benefits. In the past no problems. Yea!! That new relationship energy is intense. My wife is a pretty 64 year old and loves sex and the last 5 weeks she is acting like a 25 year old. Whew!! If only I could be young again...

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Guest sdsevits
Wife met a nice man about 6 weeks ago. They hit it off very well but since then he has become very demanding of my wife. They go to concerts together and nice restaurants and they have a ball. However, his new rules are " When they are together I am not to text her or call her while she is with him "And" I am not to go into any restaurant or bar if I see my car in the parking lot...( Note we live in the same neighborhood and go to the same places to hang out ) Wife says he gets upset when I text her or calls. So last week end I drove by my favorite bar and there is my car in the parking lot( We have two cars but they are mine ) so I parked and went into the club. He had a fit!! Wife was upset. Wife said "Get out Get out my boyfriend does not like you here so get out"...He just sat there refusing to look at me or be friendly. Wife again says "Get the fuck out of here he does not want you around"! I said "I've been coming here for 26 years and I am not leaving" so I was polite to her boyfriend and said "Nice to see you" and I went to the end of the bar and had a nice drink. The wife and boyfriend left in 45 minutes and I didn't see my wife until 6 in the morning. Then they went to a concert and a day and a half later she comes home all upset. He want to have sex with her but he put his foot down "I do not want to be friends with your husband and he must never ever contact you when you are with me"..He then went on to say he hates our life style and says she is treated like a whore by all our friends and he is going to not deal with me ( The husband ) or our other friends at the bar. ( There are other people like us ) Again he told her "Tell your husband to never ever approach us when we are together because when you are with me you belong to me"..Wife is worried about him...He tried to kill himself a few years ago and another time got super drunk and hurt someone...He did time and was not allowed to drink during probation... Now he uses my car, Credit cards, ( To make reservations ) and never drives my wife anywhere. Wife likes him and he is good to her but when they are together I am treated like dirt. Wife comes home and cries because she is ashamed by treating me terrible when she is with him. ( You know the...Get out!! Get out!! He doesn't want you here...That type of thing ) Lol...What a situation I am in.

 

May I ask are you swingers or just a couple in an open relationship? Now I will answer you based on both scenarios. First if you are true swingers she is wrong! She should not develop feeling or refer to another man as boyfriend, nor allow him to disrespect you! Second, if this is an open marriage rules should be defined. She should not date anyone that refuses to be acquainted with you, period! As her husband tou are responsible for her safety and ensuring that whatever man is allowed to date or have sex with her treats her well. They should also respect you as her life mate. She needs to reconsider who she dates and not allo we them to disrespect you. If she can't or won't do that then I reccomend a divorce attorney. Maybe YOU should put your foot down and NOT allow her to see him anymore. Tell her you don't appreciate the way he treats you or the demands he is making because he has no right to make them!! BTW HE IS NOT A NICE MAN, HE IS AN ASSHOLE!!

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May I ask are you swingers or just a couple in an open relationship? Now I will answer you based on both scenarios. First if you are true swingers she is wrong! She should not develop feeling or refer to another man as boyfriend, nor allow him to disrespect you! Second, if this is an open marriage rules should be defined. She should not date anyone that refuses to be acquainted with you, period! As her husband tou are responsible for her safety and ensuring that whatever man is allowed to date or have sex with her treats her well. They should also respect you as her life mate. She needs to reconsider who she dates and not allo we them to disrespect you. If she can't or won't do that then I reccomend a divorce attorney. Maybe YOU should put your foot down and NOT allow her to see him anymore. Tell her you don't appreciate the way he treats you or the demands he is making because he has no right to make them!! BTW HE IS NOT A NICE MAN, HE IS AN ASSHOLE!!
...Just to let you know I did as you stated here...I will get back with you.
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...Just to let you know I did as you stated here...I will get back with you.

 

A good decision, Eruditesdw!

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Guest sdsevits
...Just to let you know I did as you stated here...I will get back with you.

 

I saw in another of your responses that she was allowed to have a FWB. To me that mean just someone you are friendly with and have sex with when the desire arises. They are treating what they have a more of a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship and that crosses a line. She needs to understand and respect your feelings. You probably feel like less of a man because if your situ as tion and just want her happy but at what cost. They flaunt themselves at places you have frequented for years and in front of people that know you. That is cruel and highly insensitive. I feel your pain.

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Some one needs to be kicked to the curb YESTERDAY.

The boyfriend or your wife. Her choice.

 

Yep. agree 100%

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Not normally a violent person! But I would knock his MF teeth down his throat pick my wife up and carry her out of anywhere they were. Bro you gotta step up when it comes to this kind of thing!!! Do not ever let any man mistake your sexual kindness for weakness or you and your wife will be used and abused! Help her find a more caring normal person she can have fun with! Just my opinion

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A good decision, Eruditesdw!
.... Well, it's been a month. Much has changed. He now knows how we think and feel about our life style. He never ever met people like us and it took a whole month to get to this point in her/his/my relationship. In fact he's been to my house twice in the last two weeks and we played guitars and had a few drinks. Wife and him still date and I am treated much better by him and her. When I walked into the bar a month ago he told me he had a panic attack thinking I was the traditional husband who would hurt him... ( Or something like that ) He didn't understand how wife and I think. Anyways the guy writing this ( Me ) is no longer good at sex and I allow wife ( Is allow the right word? ) to have her date. To all who wrote me thank you. A month ago I thought I was Rodney Dangerfield..."I don't get no respect"....Now all is very good.

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Not normally a violent person! But I would knock his MF teeth down his throat pick my wife up and carry her out of anywhere they were. Bro you gotta step up when it comes to this kind of thing!!! Do not ever let any man mistake your sexual kindness for weakness or you and your wife will be used and abused! Help her find a more caring normal person she can have fun with! Just my opinion

 

 

Lol...Well, after a month it all worked out. I see you are new here...Welcome!!

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Yep. agree 100%

 

 

Thanks for the reply...After a month we reached friendship. That was a long month.

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Steven King says his writing style is to find an extraordinary character, put him in an exciting or dangerous situation, and start writing to see what happens. After twenty-eight years of marriage, a husband gives his wife his blessings to start dating other men. Her choice is a suicidal ex-con with anger issues and panic attacks. I’m no Steven King, but I have a hell of an idea for a book, thanks.

 

As for my advice to you, some things go beyond sexual excitement. The foremost is safety. Your wife going out with a suicidal ex-con is bad enough. But why would you invite this man into your home? I’ll give you some advice, take your wife off your life insurance policy, and increase hers. Because if she’s willing to throw you to the curb for this guy your life isn’t worth a plug nickel. I hope you two wise up before one, or both of you make the front page of the local paper.

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Guest sdsevits
.... Well, it's been a month. Much has changed. He now knows how we think and feel about our life style. He never ever met people like us and it took a whole month to get to this point in her/his/my relationship. In fact he's been to my house twice in the last two weeks and we played guitars and had a few drinks. Wife and him still date and I am treated much better by him and her. When I walked into the bar a month ago he told me he had a panic attack thinking I was the traditional husband who would hurt him... ( Or something like that ) He didn't understand how wife and I think. Anyways the guy writing this ( Me ) is no longer good at sex and I allow wife ( Is allow the right word? ) to have her date. To all who wrote me thank you. A month ago I thought I was Rodney Dangerfield..."I don't get no respect"....Now all is very good.

 

I am glad that things are working out. He should have realized what a priviledge it was to be able to be(date/sex) with your wife and had empathy for you considering why you are allowing this in the first place. I wish I could meet a couple like you.

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So far all is well.....Yea it was a heck of a month for me....

Steven King says his writing style is to find an extraordinary character, put him in an exciting or dangerous situation, and start writing to see what happens. After twenty-eight years of marriage, a husband gives his wife his blessings to start dating other men. Her choice is a suicidal ex-con with anger issues and panic attacks. I’m no Steven King, but I have a hell of an idea for a book, thanks.

 

As for my advice to you, some things go beyond sexual excitement. The foremost is safety. Your wife going out with a suicidal ex-con is bad enough. But why would you invite this man into your home? I’ll give you some advice, take your wife off your life insurance policy, and increase hers. Because if she’s willing to throw you to the curb for this guy your life isn’t worth a plug nickel. I hope you two wise up before one, or both of you make the front page of the local paper.

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What the hell is wrong with your wife? The ideas she would tell you in those kind of words to get the fuck out of a bar , because he is butt hurt! I think the problem is move with your wife that she is OK with him telling you what the fuck to do, what the hell is wrong with you for not putting your foot down and saying you’re not going to see him again? Me and my wife are reading this and we are just baffled. The idea that you would let your wife’s boyfriend treat you like this is absolutely insane. You must be afraid of this dude because there was no way I would even let another human being speak to me that way regardless of the situation but I did it this guy is trying to pretty much take your wife away from you and you have the question what you should do? First of all they would be no way that I would let him speak to me that way but furthermore I would be grabbing my wife and tell her you better get your head on straight because of you expect me to respect you but you are letting this guy run our lies as if he is in charge and you let him disrespect me and you are telling me to get the hell out. Here’s some divorce papers and now you can get the hell out and you can live with that crazy nut and have him tie you to the basement so you can’t go anywhere or see anyone or call anyone.

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I hope when I am 64 years old I still have my man card. Because I believe you lost yours somewhere along the line. I’m not sure where to begin or where to end this. Do you not have any pride or any self-esteem to let this dude that is your wife’s boyfriend talk to you like that. As the boys say on the street, I would be twisted his cap backwards. And you said he is driving your car and using your credit card. Dude you might as well be your wife’s girlfriend because your manhood is absolutely taken from you. I know this may sound harsh but your wife is emasculating you and you are sitting there calm and just watching it happen. You said you’re not worried about your marriage, will you won’t have a marriage if this guy has something to do with it.

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