Too open with vanilla or unknown people?

As a swinger, do you find yourself too open during conversation with others you assume are vanilla? For example latching on to certain jokes about sexy topics and taking the joke/conversation further to see how they react? It’s kind of risky, and it seems like most people are all talk/joke in the end and you end up looking or feeling awkward.

I don't think my wife and I are too open about our sex lives. We don't say that we're fucking other people, but we are clear about two things: that we are not jealous about the other going off doing things with the opposite sex, and we talk openly about past lovers. That has opened the door...

I am kind of a joker at work so I can mix things like that in. "So what cha doing this weekend?" "Well, me and the SO was thinking about inviting some people over this weekend for an orgy, what cha doing?". Everyone kind of laughs and then they ask "no, seriously".

We sometimes are more open than we should be, if we are interested in them.

Usually ask them about where they go on vacation, and we will mention that we go to HEDO almost every year. If they ask more questions about it then we go on, otherwise we just say we had a great time and drop it.

I can't figure out why we would get in trouble over that.

A safe and effective method is to ask a seemingly innocent question, "What do you think of people who swing?" If the reply is, "what's that?", you know that you have cast your seed upon fallow ground. If the answer is, "that's the work of the Devil," you can feign ignorance.

A great deal depends on the downside risks--what happens if the information gets out? If you happen to be a middle school teacher, your job might be in jeopardy. If you are a self-employed sculptor, probably less of a risk. Our approach is to never lie, but not volunteer the truth.

Cultural norms are changing. Two decades ago, we went on our first nude resort vacation. We told no one of our destination. Now a trip to a clothing optional beach and the consequent "no tan lines" is more or less mainstream and no one really raises an eyebrow other than "hope you had plenty of sunscreen!" and a smile.

Some of our friends know we we have out of state friends who we met on cruises over the years and who we visit periodically. They often remark that they never really get to meet people when they go on cruises. And we simply respond that you choose your cruise style. If they push us, we'll point them to a cruise site that features LS cruises.

No, we do not announce that we are swingers. No upside down pineapples or pampas grass on the lawns.

...what about while landscape rock or black rings?

We went out with a couple we have been friends with for a few years. My wife is good at brining “things” up in a non awkward way. The female side of the couple was VERY interested and asking a lot of questions. This does not guarantee she wants to take the next step and actually participate. It may be more of that interest like wanting so see a dead body at the side of the road type of thing. Nevertheless, the male was engaged but more listening and letting out a slight chuckle now and then. So, not disinterested, but much less than the female.

So in this situation, when one side is clearly interested, the other unknown, what would be a good next step?

... My wife is good at bringing “things” up in a non awkward way. .... So in this situation, when one side is clearly interested, the other unknown, what would be a good next step?

Aside from all the multitude of posts & threads recently about the risks / dangers of playing with friends...

Since your wife is "good at bringing things up", perhaps you could find a way that leads up to the question:

"What are your views on non-monogamy?"

... or something to that effect. ... Or perhaps you've already done that.

(It is not clear to me yet.)

You said: "The female side of the couple was VERY interested and asking a lot of questions."

... What kind of questions? ... About what?

Views on non-monogamy are a very quick and easy dividing line. If they do not run for the door screaming, y'all may be able to have a discussion about it. Be honest. (That always works... mostly.) Perhaps be clear that you are (relatively?) new, just curious, and not necessarily looking for play partners (Or whatever truth applies to you, appropriately.). ... Always leave them an easy "escape route", should the conversation begin to get awkward, which is usually best alleviated by some humor. ... "Yeah, we thought it was a silly idea too." ... Move on.

If they seem interested in the concept of the Swinger Lifestyle, encourage them to visit this BBS. If there is a better resource for learning about that topic, I would like to know about it. And... The better educated everyone is, the better your chances are for good results.

An abundance of patience is pretty much a necessity. It may take weeks or months for them to process it all, before they are ready to discuss it again... if ever.

Another approach, either along with or completely separate from the suggestions posted here could be for the wives to have a conversation, without the guys around (say a "Lunch Date", or an afternoon tea, perhaps hosted at your house, for discussion privacy). The other wife can then go back and report / discuss with her husband in the privacy of their own home.

One thing is for sure... If you do not "put yourself out there" at some point, you will NEVER get past "just wishing". (Not that there's anything wrong with that.)

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Also... There are other threads on this BBS that basically discuss this same topic... If you can find them, you may find some additional help there as well.

Good Luck! ... Let us know what happens.

:-)

As a swinger, do you find yourself too open during conversation with others you assume are vanilla? For example latching on to certain jokes about sexy topics and taking the joke/conversation further to see how they react? It’s kind of risky, and it seems like most people are all talk/joke in the end and you end up looking or feeling awkward.

Doing that is good way to gauge peoples thoughts. They may be just as nervous a you are.

If they react in a negative way you can always move on to a different topic.