Penis size question. LOL. A little different from the norm

This all started around forty years ago when my wife Beth and I had dated for a few years then married. It wasn't long after we married that I introduced her to her first big realistic porn star dildo.  When she first saw it she laughed and said, "That'll never fit in my pussy, are you nuts?!" But she agreed to trying and found not only did it fit but she really enjoyed it. She was amazed by how much she enjoyed it.  So much so that she requested I use it on her quite a lot. She also discovered she enjoyed big cock porn, she was fascinated by it. Soon was I combining using a huge dildo on her at the same time she watched big cock porn, this led her to experience huge orgasms. She couldn't get enough. She was finally exploring her sexuality and expanding her outlook on sexual pleasure.
 
One night after some really hot sex I  questioned her if she ever fantasized about fucking other men, especially well-hung men. She responded that of course she did, stated that most women had this fantasy, and she believed it was quite common. So I pursued it further and asked her if she wanted to try another man's cock and how much did she really desire to do it? She said that it sounded exciting and fun but she would never do anything to endanger our marriage. I said,  "What if I told you that I wanted to watch you have sex with another man, one that had a really big cock. Would you then consider it?" She laughed and said she'd be game if it was something I was serious about and really wanted her to do. She said, "Come on, let's be real. It's exciting and fun to imagine it, but to really do it? Please! That's a major game changer."
 
So I said, "I'm very serious. I've watched the way you enjoy the dildos especially while watching big cock videos. It turns me on big time seeing how excited you get and how many times you climax from doing these two things at the same time. I want to watch you do it for real. No BS, just watching you getting slammed by a big cock would be a huge turn-on for me. So what do you really think now that you know that I'm serious and am giving you this opportunity?"
 
I could see her giving it some serious thought, she didn't get mad or upset at me or the idea, no resistance whatsoever to my request.  The more she considered the idea the more it appeared to me that she was very intrigued with the idea and it excited her.
 
She started asking all kinds of questions, like wouldn't I be jealous, or think the worst of her, or what if she really enjoyed it and wanted more or didn't feel comfortable screwing another man, then what? Were there any rules and what were the consequences? Was I absolutely sure that I really wanted her to do this, because once done there was no going back!
 
After she finished asking everything she had concerns about I answered all her questions and we talked about the rules/boundaries we would have in place to keep it fun and exciting without any reservations or guilt. This was to make sure she fully understood my concerns and alleviate all of hers as well. It seemed she came to a decision at which point she smiled and enthusiastically said yes, she'd do it! Did I have someone special in mind she wondered? She said she had to agree to my choices for her sexual escapades or it wasn't gonna happen.
 
 I then informed her I was thinking of Bruce. Beth squealed with glee, she admitted she has had fantasies about Bruce for some time now and I couldn't have picked a better choice for her first time. She would absolutely love to fuck Bruce. She said she was getting wet thinking about sex with him.
 
A few days later I met up with Bruce for an after work drink. As we enjoyed several drinks we talked a lot. Soon I steered the conversation towards my wife Beth. I asked  Bruce to be honest and tell me what he thought about Beth. He admitted he thought Beth was smokin' hot. She had a killer body and was just gorgeous, always was friendly, and liked flirting with him when they were together. I asked him if he' ever had the chance would he consider having sex with her? He looked a bit concerned by my question but answered yes, he wouldn't hesitate to take advantage of such an opportunity. So I told him that Beth really wanted to have sex with him, and that I was okay with them hooking up. I explained that was my kink watching her get fucked by other men, it really turned me on. Bruce considered it for several minutes then said okay sure, he'd love to fuck Beth. Just give him the details when we're ready to make it happen.
 
When I got home I told Beth about my conversation with Bruce and what he said. She looked startled and said she couldn't believe I did that. So I asked her if what I did was so wrong and did she still want to go through with it? She excitedly said Oh hell yes she did, and no I wasn't wrong! So we made plans and set a date for Beth's first cock. 
 
The night arrived finding Beth both excited and hot with anticipation. She was dressed to kill showing off her sexy body wearing no underwear. When Bruce knocked on the door I answered it and escorted him into our house. Beth entered the living room and gave Bruce a big hug pressing her chest and pelvis into him and then kissed him on the lips. Bruce kissed her back and he sat down pulling her on to his lap. Nether one of them wasted any time, tongues going everywhere, hands exploring and groping each other, clothes coming off. Soon they were both naked and Beth got a pleasant surprise, Bruce was very well hung. She giggled with delight.
 
Beth took Bruce's hand and led him to our bed. She pushed him down on the bed and went to work on Bruce's big cock giving him an enthusiastic blow job. After a while Bruce flipped Beth on her back and went to work on her pussy and clit. Beth orgasmed in minutes, fully enjoying Bruce's skilled tongue. I stood in the background watching the show.
 
Soon Bruce moved into position between Beth's legs. As he rubbed his cock against Beth's open pussy and clit she responded with loud moans and started pressing her pussy against Bruce's cock. As he slid his huge cock into Beth's pussy she had a big climax. As he went deeper he increased his speed and Beth climaxed again. She was enthralled with his big cock pumping her pussy, she was moving her hips and swearing, telling him his cock felt so good. She looked over at me and said she loved how good his big cock felt inside her. She told Bruce to stretch her pussy good, to fuck her hard. She was in sexual ecstasy, a place she'd never been before. Her facial expressions showed pure bliss and the sounds she was making were hot as hell. I never seen her so turned on, she must of had a dozen orgasms, many of which were huge.
 
They fucked each other hard for a good twenty minutes then Bruce erupted into Beth's pussy, filling her with his cum. This gave Beth another climax. Afterwards he laid on Beth for a minute then rolled off her. He'd destroyed her pussy, it gaped open with his cum dripping out of her. They kissed and he got up to dress while Beth laid there spent. She looked at me and smiled big time. She said, "Your turn!", so I took sloppy seconds and enjoyed it beyond belief. Bruce watched us have sex then commented that watching real sex was so much hotter than any porno ever could be. He understood my enjoyment of watching my wife fuck other men. He said he'd like to do it again and Beth was all for it. So they made plans to hook up again. Then Bruce left.
 
Beth and I talked about how well things went, and how she wasn't prepared for how much she enjoyed his big cock. It was mind boggling! She thanked me profusely for asking her to do this, the opportunity to experience such awesome sex. She says she'll never be the same again and is looking forward to more big cock sex. So our new lifestyle began.

My ex-wife and I were in the lifestyle for several years, and then unfortunately found out she had been cheating (several times in college, and two separate affairs during our marriage) during our entire 10-year relationship, even while we were swingers (but never with other swingers). Took me a long time to reflect on what happened, how I may have contributed, questioned swinging, etc. It took me some time and many of my friends to help me realize she had a LOT of issues, and still does.
 
I was concerned there could be the possibility my ex-wife would try to accuse me of something false related to our swinging (I made her do it, etc.) that would eventually reveal my past to my new wife. Honestly, I approached the lifestyle with my ex-wife as a gift to her - it was all for her, not myself; I learned a lot about myself, and thought we had completely open, honest, and loving communication, never pushing each other to do something and always respecting our decisions made together as a couple, and truly thought it was improving our marriage. I give you that backstory to tell you my current story…
 
I’m remarried to an incredible woman, and could go on for days how amazing and stunning she truly is…we’re both devout Christians and attend church regularly. A few months before I proposed (she knew it was coming, ring picked out, etc.), I made it a point to be completely honest with her and tell her about my past in the lifestyle with my ex-wife, no details, just the blunt fact. I’m honest to a fault and deeply believe I owed my now wife the entire truth, especially in case my ex- decided to falsely accuse me of something related to our lifestyle involvement.
 
She didn’t take it very well, she was very disgusted and felt taken advantage of, etc., and I actually thought at one point she wouldn’t accept my proposal. It took a little while, but we finally worked through it, but not after some very specific questions she had about it all…which I tried very hard to still vaguely side-step (going into steamy sex details about an ex- with your current girlfriend isn’t exactly wise course of action).
 
My current wife is more reserved and conservative in her beliefs, but popular and stylish, and not at all a prude. She immediately denounced swinging and asked if I wanted her to do the same, pictured me doing all these gross orgies with ugly people, etc…typical mainstream misconceptions and misunderstandings of what the lifestyle really is…and I explained it to her. She’s not the most confident woman in bed, part of her reserved side, but I’ve been trying to get her out of her sexual shyness shell so to speak for a while.
 
But for the past couple years, year of engagement and year of marriage, our sex frequency has gone down considerably, almost seems like she’s disinterested. I have to initiate sex all the time, she never does oral (giving or receiving) or any other foreplay, and she makes it seem like a task to get done and over with most of the time. [side note, she’s performed oral on me once, while she was on her period because she felt obligated, which I stopped her and told her she didn’t have to just because of that and felt she HAD to please me, I’m a gentleman, and not selfish. She took it as I didn’t like how she was doing it, so she claims to this day…]
 
It worries me, and I’ve brought up my frustrations a couple times and she actually listened, but nothing really has changed, she hasn’t opened up and communicated or appear to feel more comfortable during sex. There have been extremely brief glimpses of hope at times though (before I discussed my frustration)… like when I was trying to skirt details of explaining the lifestyle, I did ask her about her sexual history and if she had ever had a one night stand before, which she did admit to me she’s had one (so at least one, maybe more, which was a encouraging in my opinion) and I was merely relating the similarity to swinging that sex can be for fun and just for sex and to help her see that her desires are not so far off from a swinging couples, it’s along the same lines and even better if you consider the open communication.
 
Another occasion, she initiated and for once acted like a sex goddess one night we stayed at a friend's house after drinks, wouldn’t let me get up without fucking her, she was vocal, passionate, wild, it was incredible…but she did have some drinks in her. Another - she tried to get me to have sex in a public bathroom when we were out with a bunch of friends once (work friends mind you), which I wasn’t really into and said no…which she got upset and accused me of swinging but I wouldn’t do that with her…caught me off guard a little and made me wonder her real intent for wanting to in the first place, testing me or truly acting on exhibitionism impulse.
 
With these examples, I’d like to think there’s a sexually free woman in there somewhere, at least I hope, she just doesn’t communicate about this kind of stuff very well, and I really hope her knowledge of my past doesn’t make her feel more inadequate or insecure in bed. If anything, I had hoped it would open her up to feel more comfortable in expressing her desires and sexual prowess with me, but it has definitely not.
 
I am not trying to get her to be a swinger, and won’t ever bring that up, ever, but I do want to have that same open communication and comfort sexually with just her that I learned from the lifestyle, complete and respectful open honest dialogue about what we both want, like, dislike, etc. I do want her to feel desire and comfort initiating sex on her own more confidently. I just don’t know where to start or how to approach…which is why I’m here, asking some old lifestyle friends for any sage advice or ideas that maybe I’m not thinking of or haven’t tried yet.

OK...we seem to be having a problem that I never thought would be a problem. A little history...before we started swinging, I had never had sex with any man other than Hubby.
 
Well, it seems that my Hubby is ummm...gifted with the size of his package. I of course didn't know this because I had nothing to compare it to. My friends even accused me of lying about his "measurements" when we'd talk like women do about sex and their men.
 
So now the problem is that we chat and make great friends which is wonderful. But, then the male half (it is usually the male half) asks for his "measurements." I think it becomes an insecurity issue but I thought that swingers are secure in their relationships? The female halves that do ask...some are very interested...but others are like "NO WAY". They all say how attractive and sexy Hubby is but apparently his size intimidates them.
 
I won't lie and neither will he because let's face it the couples or females are going to notice his size eventually and who wants to be with dishonest people? How the heck was I supposed to know that 5 inches is normal. Hubby exceeds that by more than an inch or two...lol.
 
Help?
 
Thanks!

The very 1st time...
Was it exciting, nerve racking, defeating?
 
What was the conversation after the fact, did it effect you two negatively?
Also did you discuss it before it happened?
 
We are new and I am just unsure how it will effect me and/or her.
She has been with 3 other guys since we started about 3/4 months ago.
I have not had to deal with the above question yet, so looking for some insight from others.