Small world

I recently met a new couple, in their introduction they noted my cert was a friend of theirs. She asked who else we might each know and was it okay to ask who my FWB is. Turns out they had messaged back in forth in the past but never met, shortly after this meeting he did contact them again (I hadn’t had a chance to tell him I met this couple). This couple plays with hall passes and she actually wanted to check with me before resuming contact. I love the reversal of her checking with me and my feelings. Now he knows, a little surprised as he’s usually more discrete. They may still meet, we’ve discussed possibly all of us getting together.

More: when the gentleman was walking me to my car we had a brief conversation with his neighbors. He tells me aside he and his partner suspect this couple may be swingers too. A week later they found each other on SLS. My twisted mind is waiting for my FWB to unknowingly be in contact with them.

There was a similiar situation over a year ago when I first met my current FWB. A single man I was friends with, but didn’t play with, put it together that he and my friend had played with the same couple and shared with the other couple who I was without telling me. (I hadn’t shared a name just brief description in conversation) Later he also shared TMI about what the other couple told him of their experience with my FWB. I was not okay with any of it. The other couple messaged me, no mention of mutual friends. I did not respond as I was really put off with the amount of information they shared. I shared with my FWB, he only played with them the once despite more requests. I am no longer friends with that single man. No discretion.

Someone new contacted me on SLS and said we had a mutual friend but they didn’t have permission to say who. I found that approach creepy. Curious other people’s thoughts, experiences.

Jane, I agree with you. Of course most of us play in the same pool with other people, and cross-contacts are far from rare. But it's polite not to say your partner's names or other identifying information out loud until it becomes so obvious that it can't be ignored any longer.

Anyone who betrays the trust of one of their paramours is likely to betray the trust of all of them. Better to stay away from those types . . .

Yes I understand the likelihood of knowing each other’s partners. In one case I gave a brief description (along the lines of tall, blue eyes, blond, from next town - all information in his profile), later confirming the name. I was shocked by the details of the encounter that were shared and passed on to me. Hence no interest in that couple and cut the single male friend out. With the new couple - they started the introduction with our common friends - my cert couple. When I shared my FWB name it was also because this common couple met me with him and knew of that relationship. No details were exchanged. In the future I will withhold his name until I have checked with him.

But I do think the “we have a mutual friend but I can’t tell you who” approach is very creepy, especially to a single woman.

I understand common friends, but I don’t spill details. Now if someone is a real asshole word does get out.

We sidestep much of that - no certifications are given or accepted...