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  1. #1

    Default Single males ruining an evening

    Recently we have had several evenings ruined by very pushy single males.

    A month or so ago we had arranged to meet a couple that we had made contact with on SLS at a club. We were having a fun conversation, then a single male actually sat himself down at the table with us and poured himself a glass of wine from our bottle. When us couples decided to move to a play room, we literally had to close the door in this guy's face.

    Another weekend at the local Nude resort, we were having a conversation with an interesting couple, again a single male gets between us and tries to take over the conversation. We finally decided to leave and call it an evening, and return to our room. This guy asked if he could join us, what room we were in, he didn't get we were leaving because of him.

    At this point we would really enjoy a couples evening, however all of the local clubs allow single men, and so do the advertised parties. Looking at SLS Hot Date many of the RSVPs are 50% single males.

    We are not against playing with a single male, but that is the exception not the rule, we really want to play with couples.

    Has anyone else noticed the increase in single males? How can we swing as a couple without dealing with so many rude ones?


  2. #2
    Swingers Board Addict lcmim's Avatar
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    lcmim

    Default re: Single males ruining an evening

    Quote Originally Posted by ncalfuncpl View Post
    Recently we have had several evenings ruined by very pushy single males.

    A month or so ago we had arranged to meet a couple that we had made contact with on SLS at a club. We were having a fun conversation, then a single male actually sat himself down at the table with us and poured himself a glass of wine from our bottle. When us couples decided to move to a play room, we literally had to close the door in this guy's face.

    Another weekend at the local Nude resort, we were having a conversation with an interesting couple, again a single male gets between us and tries to take over the conversation. We finally decided to leave and call it an evening, and return to our room. This guy asked if he could join us, what room we were in, he didn't get we were leaving because of him.

    At this point we would really enjoy a couples evening, however all of the local clubs allow single men, and so do the advertised parties. Looking at SLS Hot Date many of the RSVPs are 50% single males.

    We are not against playing with a single male, but that is the exception not the rule, we really want to play with couples.

    Has anyone else noticed the increase in single males? How can we swing as a couple without dealing with so many rude ones?
    To quote Nancy Reagan "Just say NO!"
    You probably should not blame a guy for his status.
    You can't blame a guy for trying.

    You certainly can blame him for being obnoxious about it.
    From us:
    The first guy we would have told to take his wine and drink it elsewhere. The second one would have gotten a swift and firm NO THANKS NOW LEAVE.

  3. #3

    Default re: Single males ruining an evening

    I can blame a guy for trying.

    My late wife and I decided a single man at a swinger party (especially an aggressive one) was much like a fellow who might take a bus to the Porsche Club since he had no car. He wants to do us the honor of driving ours. He considers himself a better driver than anybody could imagine. He can make our cars do things we never could because of his extraordinary skills.

    Tell these boors you're not interested and enforce it!
    "They may call me a rube and a hick, but I'd a lot rather be the man who bought the Brooklyn Bridge than the man who sold it." óWill Rogers

  4. #4
    Swingers Board Addict lcmim's Avatar
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    lcmim

    Default re: Single males ruining an evening

    Some of the single guys are the ones that pull off to the side of the road to help you change a tire. What you are describing is a lot more than that, anything after the first no thank you is not trying it's pushing.

  5. #5
    Swingers Board Addict lcmim's Avatar
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    lcmim

    Default re: Single males ruining an evening

    Quote Originally Posted by Alura View Post
    I can blame a guy for trying.

    My late wife and I decided a single man at a swinger party (especially an aggressive one) was much like a fellow who might take a bus to the Porsche Club since he had no car. He wants to do us the honor of driving ours. He considers himself a better driver than anybody could imagine. He can make our cars do things we never could because of his extraordinary skills.

    Tell these boors you're not interested and enforce it!

    Alura, what I had in mind was more of: "Hi, I'm ...... I am here as a single. Would you be willing to share a drink and spend a bit of time talking to see if there is any chemistry?" Like I said in my previous post, if you decline all that should follow is a,"Thanks for your time. Have a nice evening." followed by an expeditious retreat.

  6. #6
    Swingers Board Addict padoc's Avatar
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    padoc

    Default re: Single males ruining an evening

    In both cases, I'd have asked immediately, "who invited you"? If he didn't take the hint my next question would have been, "do we look busy"? And if he STILL didn't get, "go away, NOW". We've often said that in swinging events we don't owe anybody anything more than simple common courtesy. In neither case did the single guy give you any courtesy at all so, in my mind, all bets are off and blunt is the way to go.

  7. #7

    Default re: Single males ruining an evening

    ncalfuncpl: “a single male actually sat himself down at the table with us and pour himself a glass of wine from our bottle.”
    lcmim: “The first guy we would have told to take his wine and drink it elsewhere.”

    I would have told the first guy he owed us $8!

  8. #8

    Default re: Single males ruining an evening

    Quote Originally Posted by NC_Seniors View Post

    I would have told the first guy he owed us $8!
    or much much more depending on the bottle...

  9. #9

    Default re: Single males ruining an evening

    There is many different ways to nicely deal with these guys. Most haven't a clue what swinging is about just looking for easy sex.

    Does anyone do Couples only parties anymore? Seems like all of the clubs and parties in our area, have opened up to Single males, I think it for the money.

    However we are to the point we just stay home because we don't feel like dealing with them.


  10. #10
    Swingers Board Addict jnrswinger's Avatar
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    Default re: Single males ruining an evening

    As soon as he reach for YOUR wine you should have said that's our wine, we did not invite you to have some, please don't touch it. Following which you should have politely but firmly told him to leave. That kind of behavior is rude and obnoxious in ANY situation, not just swinging. If he didn't comply you should have complained to the manager. Assholes like that will continue to behave like that until they are banned.

    You should have told the second guy to leave also - long before he tried to follow you.

    When you let these types of people continue sit at your table with you it gives them the wrong signal that you are OK with it. You need to nip it in the bud immediately. As soon as they sit down you need to tell them we are having a private conversation here thank you, please leave us alone. And immediately escalate if they do not comply.

  11. #11
    Swingers Board Addict agreatguy's Avatar
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    Default re: Single males ruining an evening

    Our club is so strict with single guys they are wallflowers afraid to even approach. It'd be nice to find a good balance of respectful guys who have confidence enough to introduce themselves and charm their way into my wife's imagination, then her....It's not that difficult to seduce her.

  12. #12
    Swingers Board Guide SW_PA_Couple's Avatar
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    Default re: Single males ruining an evening

    Quote Originally Posted by ncalfuncpl View Post
    . . . Another weekend at the local Nude resort, we were having a conversation with an interesting couple, again a single male gets between us and tries to take over the conversation, We finally decided to leave and call it an evening, and return to our room, this guy asked if he could join us, what room we were in, he didn't get we were leaving because of him. . .
    What kind of clothing-optional resort is this? Have they no overseeing? And did you not report this behaviour to the resort management? At any clothing-optional resort of our acquaintance, reporting this behaviour would have resulted in a ban -- in perpetuity.
    Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?

  13. #13

    Default re: Single males ruining an evening

    Quote Originally Posted by agreatguy View Post
    Our club is so strict with single guys they are wallflowers afraid to even approach. It'd be nice to find a good balance of respectful guys who have confidence enough to introduce themselves and charm their way into my wife's imagination, then her....It's not that difficult to seduce her.
    I think that's a perfect example of some ruining it for all. Sad it has to be that way, but if I was a club owner, that's exactly what my policy would be too.

    You're also correct in that it is really not that hard, just show some respect and don't be a dickhead, yet many insist on making it so hard. I've concluded that it is mainly because they don't understand swinging, and honesty, probably never will. They small percentage that does, they will always be welcome in the Lifestyle, the majority that don't, they'll just continue to come and go since unfortunately there is no shortage of guys who don't know how to be anything but a dick...in more ways than one.
    Not all those who wander are lost

  14. #14
    Swingers Board Addict adamgunn's Avatar
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    Default Re: Single males ruining an evening

    Our club, DJs Island north of Pittsburgh, has a policy for single men: You must be introduced by a couple who are members, the first night you must arrive with and leave with them. After that, the single men are allowed to come on their own. Of course, there is an seriously increased party fee for the guys. These rules ensure that the man is genuine.

    In years of going there, I can say we've never met a disrespectful single man there. Many chatted up my wife and myself, a few times they got lucky with her. Usually it happened after we'd been in a private room with a couple and while I was sated, she was still raring to go.

    Single men who get into a swingers club and then aren't politely assertive <usually> wouldn't make great lovers anyways, IMHO.

  15. #15
    Swingers Board Addict shy_couple's Avatar
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    Default Re: Single males ruining an evening

    We been in similar situations. That’s why a couple of years ago we gave up on attending parties or clubs that allow single males.
    Shy_Couple
    You want me to whack a guy, off a guy, whack off a guy?
    -Peter Griffin

  16. #16
    Swingers Board Addict padoc's Avatar
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    Default Re: Single males ruining an evening

    Adam, we loved DJ's and never had an issue with singles there either. TPA, just south of the PA/MD line on the East maintains a 10:1 couples to singles ratio. It generally works too but once in awhile one slips through. When that happens, staff hustles them out quickly and with no refund. TJ's has similar rules. We've never had an issue with singles and any of the three.

  17. #17
    Swingers Board Addict CB&DD's Avatar
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    Default Re: Single males ruining an evening

    We are planning on going to DJs soon, just haven't made it yet. Have you guys by any chance been to Party at Scouts? I believe it is south of Pittsburgh.


  18. #18

    Default Re: Single males ruining an evening

    Quote Originally Posted by lcmim View Post
    Some of the single guys are the ones that pull off to the side of the road to help you change a tire. What you are describing is a lot more than that, anything after the first no thank you is not trying it's pushing.
    I donít understand, they are policeman? My experience is that most guys under 30 have no idea how to change a tire or do much else to a car. I am perfectly happy to have one or two join us, but I donít see them changing my tire.

  19. #19
    Swingers Board Addict lcmim's Avatar
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    Default Re: Single males ruining an evening

    chiccopulexx,
    That was in response to alluras statement

    "My late wife and I decided a single man at a swinger party (especially an aggressive one) was much like a fellow who might take a bus to the Porsche Club since he had no car. He wants to do us the honor of driving ours. He considers himself a better driver than anybody could imagine. He can make our cars do things we never could because of his extraordinary skills."

    Our experiences have been mostly guys that my wife describes as "Sweethearts" Holds door open for BOTH of us. Is able to conduct an intelligent conversation. Makes no assumptions. Is freshly bathed before showing up. Offers own contact info without insisting on ours. ETC.

    Yes I will make the leap of faith that they do stop on the highway to help those in distress.

  20. #20
    Swingers Board Addict adamgunn's Avatar
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    sextiescouple

    Default Re: Single males ruining an evening

    CB&DD, sadly I haven't been to Party at Scouts in many years, any information I give you is dated, so take my comments with a grain of salt.

    PaS is in a quite rural area. It was very rustic (read 'it could stand a good refurb.') In the summer it was great to go swimming in the pool in the nude. The crowd on the nights we were there were very small compared to DJs, but also were very enthusiastic. If you do go, please let us know your observations.

  21. #21
    Swingers Board Addict CB&DD's Avatar
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    Default Re: Single males ruining an evening

    Quote Originally Posted by adamgunn View Post
    CB&DD, sadly I haven't been to Party at Scouts in many years, any information I give you is dated, so take my comments with a grain of salt.

    PaS is in a quite rural area. It was very rustic (read 'it could stand a good refurb.') In the summer it was great to go swimming in the pool in the nude. The crowd on the nights we were there were very small compared to DJs, but also were very enthusiastic. If you do go, please let us know your observations.
    Thank you for the info. If we make it there we will give a review

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