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Thread: Open Minded...?

  1. #1

    Default Open Minded...?

    My wife and I are at odds as to what it means for a man to list his preference on a swing site as "open minded". My take on open minded is that a man is ok with close quarter contact that may happen when four people are in bed together and is non judgmental about a persons preference. Open minded male to me seems sexually adventurous that does not necessarily mean with the same sex. I consider myself open minded in my everyday life as I am tolerant of others beliefs and preferences as does my wife. She thinks that when a man lists open minded, it is code for bi sexual. Usually, in our vanilla life, we tend to gravitate toward open minded people. Is it different when we are talking "sexual open minded"?


  2. #2

    Default Re: Open Minded...?

    I tend to agree with your wife. It's just about the kiss of death for a man to put bisexual on a swinger site. Too many men/couples see that as saying he's in it for the M/M activities.

    But, seriously, there are a lot of husbands who aren't really bisexual but don't mind, or even might enjoy, some M/M things during threesomes or foursomes. Now it's considered, not only OK but cool, for the wives to be 'open-minded' but not for the husbands.

    If you were to contact a lot of couples on SLS that the ad says 'straight' for the husband, I'm betting you'll find that a good percentage will admit that the husband is also open-minded, so to speak, if that's what is desired.

  3. #3
    Active Member lcmim's Avatar
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    Default Re: Open Minded...?

    I also agree with your wife.
    If I saw it it would look like code to me.

  4. #4
    Swingers Board Addict agreatguy's Avatar
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    Couple - Man posting

    Default Re: Open Minded...?

    I think it's probably code as well in most cases. If it's someone you otherwise might be interested in the best thing to do is simply ask them what they mean by open minded. You are opening the door for them to explain themselves. It they are bi-sexual or curious I think at that point they will tell you. If it means they are referring to something else they should be able to explain what that is.

  5. #5
    Life is for living Judy39's Avatar
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    Default Re: Open Minded...?

    I agree it often means bisexual. It can also mean BDSM.
    It'll have nothing to do with everyday, vanilla 'open-minded' concept, that's for sure.

  6. #6

    Default Re: Open Minded...?

    Quote Originally Posted by Norcalswing View Post
    Open minded male to me seems sexually adventurous that does not necessarily mean with the same sex. I consider myself open minded in my everyday life as I am tolerant of others beliefs and preferences as does my wife. She thinks that when a man lists open minded, it is code for bi sexual.
    A bi sexual male will think that is code for open to sex with him. You might attract bi sexual males into your playground. You might not initiate any kind of contact with him but he might try to initiate something with you.

    There is no avoiding contact with people in close quarters. An incidental contact with him doesn't mean you are bi or are interested in having some kind of a sexual experience with him. But if you have attracted a bi male he will think so.

    You might want to take your wife's wise advice and revise your post. I agree with you that sexually adventurous means open to ideas. Not the idea of having sex with another man.

  7. #7

    Default Re: Open Minded...?

    Quote Originally Posted by Norcalswing View Post
    My wife and I are at odds as to what it means for a man to list his preference on a swing site as "open minded". My take on open minded is that a man is ok with close quarter contact that may happen when four people are in bed together and is non judgmental about a persons preference.
    I would take it to mean he didn't give much thought to writing his profile to indicate what that meant, but he was able to get at least one sentence out of a phrase that doesn't say much of anything. Another possibility is that he bi or bicurious and he isn't sure how that would go over, so he's being careful by not saying it directly. Who knows? The one thing you do know is the profile wasn't written well enough to tell you much.

    Usually, in our vanilla life, we tend to gravitate toward open minded people. Is it different when we are talking "sexual open minded"?
    Being open minded sexually doesn't mean you are open to doing things that you don't want to do. It's no different than being open minded about anything else. It means you can look at things and make an informed judgment about whether or not it interests you.

  8. #8
    Swingers Board Guide SW_PA_Couple's Avatar
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    SW_PA_COUPLE

    Default Re: Open Minded...?

    With swing as with any social interaction:

    open-minded = you agree with my opinion

    I can imagine no way that I determine whether or not I am in-line with person's opinion or view on a subject if that person has failed to explain what his opinion might be.
    When you come to a fork in the road, take it!

  9. #9
    Swingers Board Addict adamgunn's Avatar
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    Default Re: Open Minded...?

    SW, I normally agree with you, but on this one, well. . .

    To me, open-minded means that you will listen to another person's opinion without a visceral reaction. If you don't completely agree with their opinion, a polite conversation about it might occur. You understand that just because you have an opinion about something, other people might disagree; you hope it's done politely. You're willing to try new things and experiment somewhat.


  10. #10
    Active Member lcmim's Avatar
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    Default Re: Open Minded...?

    Quote Originally Posted by adamgunn View Post
    SW, I normally agree with you, but on this one, well. . .

    To me, open-minded means that you will listen to another person's opinion without a visceral reaction. If you don't completely agree with their opinion, a polite conversation about it might occur. You understand that just because you have an opinion about something, other people might disagree; you hope it's done politely. You're willing to try new things and experiment somewhat.
    adamgunn, Technically you are probably correct.

    How it will be read, especially listed under preferences as the OP stated, would likely be something else.
    The problem is not denotation but connotation.

    Open minded when discussing religion, politics even lifestyles has a pretty clear connotation that matches closely what it denotes. When listed in the preferences on a swinger site the connotation gets skewed a bit.


    I would suggest that he get a bit wordier and not rely on the shorthand "open minded".

  11. #11
    Swingers Board Addict adamgunn's Avatar
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    Default Re: Open Minded...?

    lcmim, yeah, you're absolutely right. "When listed in the preferences on a swinger site the connotation gets skewed a bit." That's why I haven't commented to date, the sexual connotation has been covered quite well.

    But the topic began, in my opinion, to start leaning into the general world. So I just thought I'd add my two cents.

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