The graveyard of SLS meetings

Brief summary: We had a very hot experience on vacation (two nights) and enjoyed it. Since then we've been searching for our next by meeting people on SLS. It's been extraordinarily difficult and we really AREN'T super picky people (I promise!). The following is a log of get-to-know dinners we have had. Aliases withheld to protect the innocent:

Couple 1: No attraction.

Couple 2: Attraction! But they flaked off after trying to schedule something a couple times. They would make contact again, then flake off again. :/ Finally gave up!

Couple 3: No attraction. They were both pretty aggressive at dinner. Just didn't click.

Couple 4: Attraction, especially to their personalities. We weren't comfortable with their interests in the bedroom though.

Couple 5: Attraction! Had 2nd date planned but then the husband went *super drama* on us. We pulled the plug immediately.

Couple 6: This one still has potential. We like them. Our schedules haven't worked out. We will see if we can make something happen next month.

Couple 7: Attraction! But then...they wanted to trade videos (basically cybersex) while pushing back our first physical date. Then they pushed back our 2nd. We pulled the plug.

Couple 8: This past weekend: we (by accident) were both going to a club the same night we made contact on SLS so we arranged to meet up there. Then we quickly discovered they must have had a

pre-planned date with another couple because they rolled up on us and took over the conversation with these people. So we turned out being the third wheel standing there awkwardly while

they talked. We drifted off and just danced together, etc. Never said another word to us. Very awkward.

With that last couple: I mean...exercise some common courtesy would you? If you already have plans it's super easy to say: "hey we will meet tonight at the club! But we already have arrangements with another couple so we can meet briefly but then we have to carry on with our original plans! Hope you understand!" Well hell yeah we would understand, but have the damn courtesy to just let us know instead of blowing us off mid-meeting. We didn't expect to play that night with you since it was our first meeting...but we also didn't expect to be cast aside for clearly a previously planned date.

So our SLS dinner graveyard heap grows. A couple of them were just lack of attraction which is fine. The flaking, drama, and inconsiderate type stuff is ridiculous though. I will say that even though nothing has worked out in the 6 MONTHS we've been trying -- at least we have had some hot together-sex in the bedroom thinking about a few of these couples.

Thanks for listening to my rant! :p This swinging thing is difficult.

Hang in there!

Completely understand some people wanting a connection, make friends that kind of stuff we found that the online thing was way too time consuming for all the reasons you mentioned.

Clubbing isn't guaranteed either but it does kind of eliminate the flakes. We will meet a couple or single, get to know them a bit and talk about what we're all into then move things along one way or the other.

Attraction is relative to what we each find attractive. Personality and a sexy, flirty attitude can overcome a lot of less than perfect physical attributes. What can I say, I'm just a man whore. If a woman makes some direct eye contact and flashes a sexy smile at me I'm pretty much ready to go. The wife can be the same way at times.

Hang in there!

Completely understand some people wanting a connection, make friends that kind of stuff we found that the online thing was way too time consuming for all the reasons you mentioned.

Clubbing isn't guaranteed either but it does kind of eliminate the flakes. We will meet a couple or single, get to know them a bit and talk about what we're all into then move things along one way or the other.

Attraction is relative to what we each find attractive. Personality and a sexy, flirty attitude can overcome a lot of less than perfect physical attributes. What can I say, I'm just a man whore. If a woman makes some direct eye contact and flashes a sexy smile at me I'm pretty much ready to go. The wife can be the same way at times.

Yep. I think meeting someone at a club and just going into the back might be easier.

As for the connection -- we don't necessarily want to go shoe shopping with people in our down time, but at least being able to have a nice dinner before getting to business might be nice.

at least we have had some hot together-sex in the bedroom thinking about a few of these couples.

This is the thing to keep focused on. Even you have said that you still have an iron or two in the fire. It's HARD to find that four way match, but just keep looking and it will eventually come...

Yep. I think meeting someone at a club and just going into the back might be easier.

 

As for the connection -- we don't necessarily want to go shoe shopping with people in our down time, but at least being able to have a nice dinner before getting to business might be nice.

Dinner is overrated. Depending on what you have it might slow you down, bloat you or God forbid cause flatulence. LOL

Dinner is overrated. Depending on what you have it might slow you down, bloat you or God forbid cause flatulence. LOL

My wife and I both agree dinner is highly overrated, but a necessary evil. Restaurants rarely offer an environment conducive to being sexy. Couples are more likely to be shy, or feel they are "On Stage". Plus you have to be very discreet with roaming hands. Yet, restaurants are one of the few places that offer the privacy and quiet atmosphere that allows couples to communicate. Strip clubs, now thats a sexy environment! No one there will care what the couples discuss, couples can be more touchy feely (To a degree), but unfortunately, the costs will be higher than simply meeting at a swingers club.

. . . nothing has worked out in the 6 MONTHS . . .

My wife and I both agree dinner is highly overrated, but a necessary evil. Restaurants rarely offer an environment conducive to being sexy. Couples are more likely to be shy, or feel they are "On Stage". Plus you have to be very discreet with roaming hands. Yet, restaurants are one of the few places that offer the privacy and quiet atmosphere that allows couples to communicate. Strip clubs, now thats a sexy environment! No one there will care what the couples discuss, couples can be more touchy feely (To a degree), but unfortunately, the costs will be higher than simply meeting at a swingers club.

Do you have any off premise clubs in your area? They will obviously be lifestyle friendly but the atmosphere is more conducive to what you are looking for, sexy attire, roaming hands etc. The entire experience will be sexier but will allow you to direct your attention to those who you are seated with making conversations about activities more comfortable than in a vanilla bar or even a strip club. Everyone assumes that everyone else is looking for some kind of swap and will be open to the possibilities.

We’ve all been there with awkward dinner meetings. At least my wife and I went out and traded war stories . We say this week’s tragedy is next week’s comedy. We got absolutely stood up by a couple on a Friday and they were sitting next to us among a group of friends at the beach on Monday. We figured out who they were and we think they figured out who we were. They are too new to know there must be 20 swinger couples our age in our area. We will continue to plug away!

By the way, if you can swing it financially, we have our best success on lifestyle cruises. Lots of people, many opportunities to meet, most people are actual swingers, sexy vibe. Hard not to connect if you want to.

Do you have any off premise clubs in your area? They will obviously be lifestyle friendly but the atmosphere is more conducive to what you are looking for, sexy attire, roaming hands etc. The entire experience will be sexier but will allow you to direct your attention to those who you are seated with making conversations about activities more comfortable than in a vanilla bar or even a strip club. Everyone assumes that everyone else is looking for some kind of swap and will be open to the possibilities.

I agree swingers clubs/events the best venue (on or off premise), but most people seem to go out to dinner. I was just thinking of alternatives to a restaurant/bar or swingers club that would be more conducive to communicating and feeling sexy in the atmosphere. We almost exclusively meet other couples at events and use our online profile to keep in touch with those couples. We almost never seek out couples online.

It's called dating.

It's called dating.

Exactly, which explains why most dating specialist advise not going out for dinner on a first date.

Why not dinner on a first date? I do think that it is a non-pressure environment to talk for awhile and vet the prospective date. If it is a swinging meeting, I think coffee, drinks or apps are ok, but it looks cheap if a person can't spring for dinner on a vanilla date. Unless the person is blazing thru everyone on match.com and does not care to make an impression.

We do not usually play on the first meeting, just to give everyone a chance to think it over and not feel pressure or have an in person rejection. We do not like to eat first and then play. Too much food sloshing around!

A face to face meeting is the greatest opportunity to gauge and/or create attraction between two couples. Dinner just isn't the best vehicle for that. Most dinner banter doesn't even require a face to face gathering. So couples should do things that better build and gauge attraction. Interactive dates are recommended for singles, and I believe it holds true for couples. Lastly, if things aren't working out, dipping out of a dinner date is inconvenient, inconsiderate, or both.

Dinner or drinks is the quickest and easiest way to see if there is any 'connection'. You will learn more in 5 minutes than a lifetime of emails or texts. Even if the other couple is not a match, most people can last through a dinner and come out relatively unscathed. We ALWAYS let it be known that we have no expectations and are not planning on playing. This way both couples can talk afterwards and decide if they want to get together again...no chance of one member 'taking one for the team'. Meeting in a strip club is not a bad idea, except some couples will have a hard time going there (what if someone sees...?) and it is hard to talk with the loud music (BOOM, BOOM, BOOM). Find a nice private corner in a (upscale) restaurant. Most of their tables are sectioned off for some privacy. If you don't want to do dinner, meeting for drinks (same idea, nice place that has booths that offer some privacy) works just as well.

Swinging isn't easy to do and it never said it would be. But if you and your spouse are up for the challenge, it can be worth all the effort. The 'sprinkles' on the ice cream sundae of your lives.

We were one year before we met people with whom we clicked. But here's the thing. After you find an experienced and worthwhile couple, they will introduce you to other people who will introduce you to other people . . . You'll then be off to the races.