Had our first foursome and it was not good ..

Hello all. We're new to this site and swinging. Over the last year we've been talking with various couples about potential fun. We found a couple we "clicked" with outside the bedroom, at least in conversations, etc., and had our first sexual encounter with them today. It was pretty bad.

The other wife was very into mine (both are bi). Mine wasn't much into her, though they played for a while. That part was interesting and I was happy for them both. His wife did nothing for me sexually, and playing with her was mechanical. The husband was very interested in my wife and, even though we said take it slow, didn't do so, and acted aggressively to the point she told him to stop. My wife was totally turned off by both him and his actions. We ended up briefly having sex with our spouses and wrapped it up quick because they had a thing later in evening to do. At best, totally "meh." Though they are cool people outside of the bedroom, neither of us can see playing with them again.

So, I don't know, we are just really discouraged and not sure how actively, if at all, we look for other couples. Has anyone else had a bad first swinging encounter and, if so, how did you bounce back? Any tips?

Thanks much.

Our first encounter was a good encounter. But we have had our disappointments. My wife and I are not afraid of "tryouts". The really good ones stick with us and that compensates for the no-so-good ones.

Don't let a bad 'first' influence you too much. I'm remembering when I trained salesmen in the auto business. Most customers were nice, realistic, and good people but there were two types that met the extreme. One, we called,'lay downs'. They wanted the car and would agree on anything you said. The other were called, 'chiselers'. They would beat you down to the last penny just for fun.

When a salesman's first customer was a 'lay down', I had a very difficult task of explaining that it wasn't always that easy.

When a salesman's first customer was a 'chiseler', I had a very difficult task of keeping them from quitting.

You seem to have had the swinging equivalent of a chiseler (difficult to like/want) on your first try. Now don't expect all of the rest to be lay downs (both perfectly compatible with both of you) but understand there are lots of acceptable couples, in between, that you both will enjoy, both in and out of the bedroom.

When I was single, I ran through a few disappointing encounters. Women who were pretty, interesting, and also just complete duds or prudes. When we went our separate ways, some of them probably figured out why, but I suspect most never did.

As a couple, we did have one "meh" encounter, an MFM where the M was just too nervous. We made it as fun as we could, called it a night, and that was that. If it'd been our first attempt, it might have been a real letdown, but lame sex or bad chemistry is a thing that happens. Going into it with a sporting attitude that we're going to see what happens and enjoy ourselves is the best we can do, knowing that if this one isn't a win, the next one might be, and we do have our semi-regular play friends to visit with who we know have good chemistry.

The other were called, 'chiselers'. They would beat you down to the last penny just for fun....When a salesman's first customer was a 'chiseler', I had a very difficult task of keeping them from quitting.

I'm not going to lie. Beating a car salesman down into his holdback is a lot like good rough sex.

Thanks all for the replies. I am grateful for the insights on this. This is new territory for us.

@lovefest04, thank you for story. I'm glad you guys were safe and that it had a positive ending. Ours was not nearly as bad as that, but still a no-go. You are right about the silver lining: we talked on the whole way home and came to some conclusions:

• We were closer after the experience, even though it was pretty bad sexually.
  
• We appreciated even more how much we love each other and how great our sex life together is. The most common quickie between us, to quote my wife, is "1000 times better" than the MFMF we experienced.
  
• We're about 98% sure it was just this couple and not swinging that turned us off. So, we'll likely give it a go again, just not right away. It also made us realized that even though we were getting along well outside the bedroom, it was no guarantee in.
  
• Before playing with another couple, we're going to focus on find a fun single person to be with. We both came to the conclusion that another woman would be best as my better half is bisexual and I am not. But we are certainly open to playing with a single male too.
  

Anyway, thanks again. As this is so new, it is good to hear from people that had been there done that. No pun intended.

I'm sorry your first experience wasn't better. that it didn't meet your fantasy or expectations. That's never fun. And let me share our first experience, maybe it can provide some help.

 

Our first experience would be labeled by most as a "bad experience". We were set to meet a man for a MFM. We communicated a lot before the day and during the first part of the day we were to meet. Flirting on the phone, etc. We prepped ourselves and began the 1.25 hour journey to the city to meet. All of a sudden, no more communication. Totally silent for about an hour before we left and during our drive. Experienced couples may have simply turned around and called it a night. We didn't think to do that, and we thought that if for some reason he backed out, we'd just enjoy ourselves and have a "date". As we got closer his communication began in earnest. Where were we? How long until ew'd arrive? he sent the address of a meeting place. began to flirt again. All seemed great.

 

We arrived to find him intelligent, smooth, flirtatious to my wife and a gentleman. Respectful. Also, he'd obviously had a drink or two before, but no red flags. small talk, flirting, then dinner where my wife sat between us and we both played with her under the table, then to his hotel. At the hotel we all drank a bit more, and then he became obviously drunk, sloppy and aggressive, but no belligerent. We all sorta played, my wife stripped and danced. it was fun. Then it stopped being fun. He was just too drunk to continue.

 

After a few quick glances, a node and a wink we decided to get out of there. He wasn't happy and tried to stop us. I vividly remember grabbing our things, the unopened champagne, my wife quickly getting mostly dressed and then we made for the door. A quick escape, down the stairs and past the shocked clerk at the desk. It was 3 in the morning, and here we are running down the stairs, partially dressed (no indecent), just obviously disheveled with a bottle in my hands. As we broke through the lobby doors and out into the cool evening on a quiet city street we both felt ALIVE.

 

Just to be clear, we never felt in any danger. I am quite capable of taking care of us.

 

I think at that moment we felt closer and more connected as a couple than we had in years. The sex was horrible, but the night was absolutely a winner. We'd actually gone through with it, We'd be venerable, we'd experienced sharing her for the first time and in the end we we're laughing, running out into the street as lovers, partners, and friends. I'll never forget that.

 

I think there is almost always a silver lining. Enjoy.

This is a great story and I think it's exactly what a lot of us are looking for...to feel ALIVE. It really isn't about the other guy(or couple) it's about sharing something like this together, having fun with it, laughing about it and having that experience to look back on with each other for the rest of your lives. You painted a pretty romantic picture for us.

To agreatguy and SoORcouple

Thanks for the kind replies.

I think it's a sign of a strong relationship and a deep love that we can see these adventures as romantic, bonding and providing a means for us to strengthen our own relationships while so many would see our experiences an anything but. SoORcouple: your points are right on in my opinion. Sometimes the grass is certainly green on both sides of the fence and for us there isn't a reason to choose. We are not running away from the bad to the good but walking hand in hand experiencing all that life has to offer.

S

That neither of you were 'really into the wife' should have been all the warning you needed. Sometimes you will meet a couple that you really like outside of the bedroom, but if you are not interested in taking it inside of the bedroom, they are just good 'vanilla' friends. Finding a 4 way match is VERY HARD but if that match isn't there then one or more is 'taking one for the team' (one of our top rules to never do). You've now lived and learned a bit more, you just need to keep looking. Sometimes when you are just starting, it is easy to try to force a match just because you want something to happen. Be patient and allow it to happen. It may take awhile, but it's worth the time and effort when you find the right couple. Good luck and keep looking.

At least you tried. :-)

We've had several bad experiences early on but they helped to REALLY refine our selection process. The key is to learn something from each experience and don't make the same mistake twice. Funny tho, just when we start getting smug about our selection process, something happens. Last summer we were contacted by a couple new to our area on SLS. We exchanged emails, they were articulate and the g and r rated pics were nice and both seemed h/w/p. We met for dinner, had a nice evening, they matched their pics, he was trim and nice looking, she was a petite blonde. We went back to their place for a nightcap and maybe some dessert. As the clothing started to come off, Mrs Doc discovered that the guy had not one but THREE hoops on his dick. I had the other woman on her back with my face buried so I didn't hear my wife's initial reaction but I started to pay attention when she twisted my ear. I looked at him, saw the piercings and knew immediately that the evening was over. This has always been a huge turnoff for her. So I guess the selection process needs a little more tweaking. The lesson here OP is that even with 15 years experience, stuff happens! For you two, next time will probably be better.

You need to find the elusive four way match. We’ve been at this for about five years. We have several couples in our area who we play with every few months. One couple at a time. Same for Bliss cruise buddies. But it took years to get there. Forge ahead!

We've had several bad experiences early on but they helped to REALLY refine our selection process. The key is to learn something from each experience and don't make the same mistake twice. Funny tho, just when we start getting smug about our selection process, something happens. Last summer we were contacted by a couple new to our area on SLS. We exchanged emails, they were articulate and the g and r rated pics were nice and both seemed h/w/p. We met for dinner, had a nice evening, they matched their pics, he was trim and nice looking, she was a petite blonde. We went back to their place for a nightcap and maybe some dessert. As the clothing started to come off, Mrs Doc discovered that the guy had not one but THREE hoops on his dick. I had the other woman on her back with my face buried so I didn't hear my wife's initial reaction but I started to pay attention when she twisted my ear. I looked at him, saw the piercings and knew immediately that the evening was over. This has always been a huge turnoff for her. So I guess the selection process needs a little more tweaking. The lesson here OP is that even with 15 years experience, stuff happens! For you two, next time will probably be better.

New question for the pre-play vetting process!

Don't let one bad experience keep you from trying again. If the desire is there then try again with another couple. This is the reason why when people find compatible playmates they are not enthusiastic about finding someone new.