Uneven swap?

My husband and I had our first swinging experience this past week during a lifestyle vacation. We met a couple that we liked and spent a significant amount of time with them. Since this was our first time, we decided that we would be ok with soft swap but no oral. We were both comfortable with just kissing, touching, & hand jobs. We ended up in bed with this couple and the other man and I had a great time. My husband didn’t enjoy his experience and just wasn’t as attracted to the other woman as much as he thought. We both really like this guy for me and are wondering how we can see them again without my husband having to do anything with the wife. We don’t want to offend anyone and we really like her as a person. We are thinking that the only way may be to do something in a larger group so that my husband has someone he can be with as well. Has anyone experienced this “uneven” situation? Is it better to leave this couple behind or try and work something out? We both really like this guy for me (and he wants to see me again as well) but I don’t want my husband to be back in a “taking one for the team” situation.

I wish I could type some magical recipe that would make everything work out right for you. Sadly it sounds as if we had written your posting for you. It must be more common that people suspect.

Early on, we experienced this with a couple where the other wife had little interest in me and, as such, I could take it or leave it. But the other husband really wanted to spend some time with my wife. Long story short, they came to our room and it was one of the most awkward experiences every. We swore, never again. I think you know your answer but if it were us, take a pass and move on. From that experience, we agreed that either all are in or no one is in. Lesson learned and we were glad to have learned it because now all of our meets and playtimes are so much better.

Thanks for your response. I agree, we know what needs to be done. How should we go about letting them down easy? The last thing we want is to offend anyone.

You may offend someone. Apparently offending an individual or a group is a hazard of living in 21st century America. We came to the conclusion a long time ago that we owe no one anything other than minimal courtesy. If one or the other of you are not feeling it your choices are simple, take one for the team or say thanks but no thanks and walk away.

For those of us old enough to recall the Soup Nazi on Seinfeld: “Next!” This is a tough hobby for snowflakes.

On a related note, we found that early on in our exploration of this hobby, we had difficulty differentiating between meaningful sex (that which we shared together) and recreational sex. Consequently, we looked for a strong connection between us and both parts of another couple. Most new couples do this and while it does happen occasionally, it's a rare occurrence. That kind of expectation really limits the erotic possibilities for new couples. We've since refined our selection process to where we are pretty sure that when we meet a couple from one of the sites, they fit within our parameters and at least appear attractive to us both. The intangibles, personalities, bad breath, dumb as a box of rocks, etc will still end an evening quickly. However, since we decided that we're not looking for couples to introduce to our kids or to tour Europe with and recognizing that our goal is fun sex, we try to view a couple as "doable" or not. This has led us to more than a few erotic encounters and even a couple of lasting friendships. We tend to shy away from couples who say, "friends first". We both think that is a backwards approach if you're simply looking for fun sex and a little variety.

Swinging, swapping is a bit like ordering off the menu at a restaurant where you have never been. It may sound like your favorite dish but when it arrives, not what you were exception. We have entered into swaps where I feel almost like I am taking one for the team because she is beautiful, he is not so much, but then once undressed, he is built and hung and while she looks good, I can understand why he is look for more exciting adventures. You just don’t know until dinner is all over. And then, you focus more on what you might order next time.

Thanks for your response. I agree, we know what needs to be done. How should we go about letting them down easy? The last thing we want is to offend anyone.

"Letting them down easy" is probably not possible. Telling the truth is always the best solution to a difficult situation.