Meeting another couple tomorrow night for dinner. Thoughts from a still-beginner

So as you know we have had one experience while at Hedonism (side note - we are planning a return trip).

We are set to meet a new couple tomorrow night for dinner. We've been chatting with them and they are normal, professionals, great personalities, etc. We feel good about the potential. The reason for this post though is something I've been realizing while we explore the lifestyle at the very early stages. I'm not sure if it's because we are taking it super slow and careful, or if it's just because our relationship is strong, or a combination of the two:

The act of exploring, talking about, experiencing the LS has made us feel closer than ever. It's contrary to what common conceptions (and even ours before we started this) are about what we are doing. It might be because we communicate constantly about it as we make sure we are on the same page, etc. We still aren't sure how we would feel seeing each other actually have intercourse with someone else, so for now we have our boundaries set at soft swap. I would like to think that the same closeness would prevent any jealously feelings from being too significant after such an experience.

Anyway... just thought I'd throw that out there. So far it has seemed to draw us closer together than ever before.

The fact that you're both happy about it means that you're doing it right. Keep communicating and having fun!

Once the train is out of the station there is no turning back, be sure you can handle seeing your wife being pleasured by another man. We have been married 28 years and have been swinging for 11 years. I can attest this is one of the hottest things you will witness. Still after all these years it drives me wild. But just be sure you two have talked and talked and talked. We are meeting up tomorrow night also and it will be a fun and hot night. Be sure you talk about it after the evening is over and reclaim your wife. The reclaiming will make things go smoother when the evening is over and you two are alone.

Good luck and have fun it is just about the orgasm.

Once the train is out of the station there is no turning back, be sure you can handle seeing your wife being pleasured by another man. We have been married 28 years and have been swinging for 11 years. I can attest this is one of the hottest things you will witness. Still after all these years it drives me wild. But just be sure you two have talked and talked and talked. We are meeting up tomorrow night also and it will be a fun and hot night. Be sure you talk about it after the evening is over and reclaim your wife. The reclaiming will make things go smoother when the evening is over and you two are alone.

 

Good luck and have fun it is just about the orgasm.

Well this particular date is just the initial get-to-know date. We aren't planning anything other than dinner.

We have had a soft swap experience with another couple and it was very hot. No negative repercussions afterwards. We are simply proceeding carefully on the whole full swap thing.

Dinner went extremely well. Perfectly normal couple. Great personalities. Attractive. We are going to meet up with them Saturday night for a play date potentially before we go into about a month and a half period where we won't have time for anything. Wife thinks she can handle full now, but I'm always the cautious one so I'm holding at soft for now. I think it might be wise to have a soft date with them before making a huge step to full. #slowandsteady

Well never mind. In chat we suggested they shouldn't dive into a joint vacation with us right after only having dinner with us and things got weird. My wife detected drama over something super minor and she pulled the rip cord. She will NOT tolerate drama of any kind. Her point is that if there is drama over something minor like a chat conversation, there is the potential for major drama after an actual experience.

So we thanked them. Exited the chat. Cancelling our hotel reservations. It's a shame. They were really nice people.

Well never mind. In chat we suggested they shouldn't dive into a joint vacation with us right after only having dinner with us and things got weird. My wife detected drama over something super minor and she pulled the rip cord. She will NOT tolerate drama of any kind. Her point is that if there is drama over something minor like a chat conversation, there is the potential for major drama after an actual experience.

 

So we thanked them. Exited the chat. Cancelling our hotel reservations. It's a shame. They were really nice people.

Annnd.....the husband starts messaging both of us separately claiming the wife had been drinking all day and was the one that sent the texts. Wife wasn't drinking and politely apologized.

This will probably slow us down on the scene for quite a while.

Gut instinct, especially in women, should not be ignored. Supporting that instinct was the right decision and it probably won't slow you down as much as you think at the moment.

Gut instinct, especially in women, should not be ignored. Supporting that instinct was the right decision and it probably won't slow you down as much as you think at the moment.

Not so sure. Per her request our SLS and KiK accounts are nuked. That was the 4th couple we've met for dinner. 1st wasn't a fit. 2nd we had no attraction to. 3rd we really liked but neither of us were comfortable with the parade of single guys they had over (without even getting to know them), and now this one.

It's a shame because 6 hours ago she was all in for full swap. I was the one thinking we should slow walk it. This guy made such an idiot move... I think because we trusted them and liked them after meeting them. Then the veil fell and nothing was as it seemed.

Gut instinct, especially in women, should not be ignored. Supporting that instinct was the right decision and it probably won't slow you down as much as you think at the moment.

Not necessarily germane to this situation, but your comment about "especially in women" is so true despite the efforts of the PC crowd to tell us that there is no difference between men and women. Women have that sense, men don't. In my experience.

Not so sure. Per her request our SLS and KiK accounts are nuked. That was the 4th couple we've met for dinner. 1st wasn't a fit. 2nd we had no attraction to. 3rd we really liked but neither of us were comfortable with the parade of single guys they had over (without even getting to know them), and now this one.

 

It's a shame because 6 hours ago she was all in for full swap. I was the one thinking we should slow walk it. This guy made such an idiot move... I think because we trusted them and liked them after meeting them. Then the veil fell and nothing was as it seemed.

At first we thought we'd like to find couples that we could enjoy other things with like maybe dinner or small get-togethers. We tried the online dating thing and my wife nuked it after our first meeting. We had spent some quite a bit of time communicating back and forth with some couples. It's all really time consuming. We finally decided on someone and had a meet and greet date much like you did. The couple was not who they represented themselves to be. It felt like we had wasted so much time on nothing so we backed up and punted. We then decided to try a club with much better results for us. We found that we were meeting more couples and could size them up much quicker. The first time we went we enjoyed the sexy atmosphere and played just with each other. Things progressed each time we went out. We started meeting and flirting with others and are now at full swap and MFM. Although we have exchanged some numbers with couples we've met we've never ventured outside the club for play dates. A club atmosphere usually gets us in the mood and on the occasions it doesn't we simply leave. Not a lot of time wasted.

This doesn't have to be a long term setback. Your wife is willing to explore this lifestyle but she needs to know there are alternatives and it's ok to adjust how you approach things. I assure you that you will find out more about a couple in a five minute face to face conversation in a club than you will in a week online. Follow the wife's gut instinct there as well.

At first we thought we'd like to find couples that we could enjoy other things with like maybe dinner or small get-togethers. We tried the online dating thing and my wife nuked it after our first meeting. We had spent some quite a bit of time communicating back and forth with some couples. It's all really time consuming. We finally decided on someone and had a meet and greet date much like you did. The couple was not who they represented themselves to be. It felt like we had wasted so much time on nothing so we backed up and punted. We then decided to try a club with much better results for us. We found that we were meeting more couples and could size them up much quicker. The first time we went we enjoyed the sexy atmosphere and played just with each other. Things progressed each time we went out. We started meeting and flirting with others and are now at full swap and MFM. Although we have exchanged some numbers with couples we've met we've never ventured outside the club for play dates. A club atmosphere usually gets us in the mood and on the occasions it doesn't we simply leave. Not a lot of time wasted.

 

This doesn't have to be a long term setback. Your wife is willing to explore this lifestyle but she needs to know there are alternatives and it's ok to adjust how you approach things. I assure you that you will find out more about a couple in a five minute face to face conversation in a club than you will in a week online. Follow the wife's gut instinct there as well.

Yeah she's decided the club and destination thing(like Hedo) is where we need to go. Being 'friends' with people while doing this is a recipe for other people's drama. My wife ***HATES*** drama. I mean I hate it too...but she will cut your ass off at the knees if she detects it.

Anyway...door isn't closed, but we are going to break for a month or two.

Sounds like this is the perfect time to take a break (since you are busy anyways). It's HARD finding a good match for everyone involved. We had at least a dozen 'meets' before we found the first couple we were all interested in...and in the end, that didn't work out either. Take your time and just enjoy meeting new people, even if it is only once for dinner. It got you both out of the house and usually puts you into a sexually charged atmosphere.

The act of exploring, talking about, experiencing the LS has made us feel closer than ever. It's contrary to what common conceptions (and even ours before we started this) are about what we are doing. It might be because we communicate constantly about it as we make sure we are on the same page, etc.

This happens all the time. It's because you have a relationship that is strong enough to even consider taking these steps, it's something that the two of you are doing together, it's sexy as hell for both of you, and the constant open communication just makes everything better. Take your break, just walk away from even looking for several weeks, then slowly get back into looking. There's a couple out there for you, but trying to force a couple to fit that really doesn't WILL lead to drama (btw, none of us like drama). Just enjoy the ride together. We wish you the best of luck and let us know how things go from here.

Sounds like this is the perfect time to take a break (since you are busy anyways). It's HARD finding a good match for everyone involved. We had at least a dozen 'meets' before we found the first couple we were all interested in...and in the end, that didn't work out either. Take your time and just enjoy meeting new people, even if it is only once for dinner. It got you both out of the house and usually puts you into a sexually charged atmosphere.

 

 

 

This happens all the time. It's because you have a relationship that is strong enough to even consider taking these steps, it's something that the two of you are doing together, it's sexy as hell for both of you, and the constant open communication just makes everything better. Take your break, just walk away from even looking for several weeks, then slowly get back into looking. There's a couple out there for you, but trying to force a couple to fit that really doesn't WILL lead to drama (btw, none of us like drama). Just enjoy the ride together. We wish you the best of luck and let us know how things go from here.

Thanks!

We took this particularly hard because we really liked them. We were STUNNED when the husband went all hissy fit on our simple comment that he should make sure we all like each other after having a play date before he books a $5k trip. There was zero sign of any drama prior to that. I mean we were watching TV in the living room and both got that message at the same time and looked across the room at each other like 'what in the actual hell just happened here?'. Then I thought it was a joke....but 15 minutes passed and no 'lol'. Then the drama gates stayed open. It took the wife exactly 30 total minutes to shut that crap down permanently with those two.

They actually did you a favor by letting you know now instead of later...

Thanks!

 

We took this particularly hard because we really liked them. We were STUNNED when the husband went all hissy fit on our simple comment that he should make sure we all like each other after having a play date before he books a $5k trip. There was zero sign of any drama prior to that. I mean we were watching TV in the living room and both got that message at the same time and looked across the room at each other like 'what in the actual hell just happened here?'. Then I thought it was a joke....but 15 minutes passed and no 'lol'. Then the drama gates stayed open. It took the wife exactly 30 total minutes to shut that crap down permanently with those two.

This is interesting. It sounds as if you were planning some kind of vacation(perhaps to a swinger destination?) Before ever having a play date?

Can you elaborate on that a bit.

I'm not sure I would want to commit to such a thing. Sure, if you're at Hedo you don't have an obligation to hang out with them but maybe they think differently. I'd want to know a couple a little better in all aspects.

This is interesting. It sounds as if you were planning some kind of vacation(perhaps to a swinger destination?) Before ever having a play date?

Can you elaborate on that a bit.

I'm not sure I would want to commit to such a thing. Sure, if you're at Hedo you don't have an obligation to hang out with them but maybe they think differently. I'd want to know a couple a little better in all aspects.

No. Negative. My wife and I are going to Hedo in March. We mentioned this over dinner (the first dinner). We had a play date scheduled for this coming weekend after the dinner went well. Husband messages us midway through the week asking the dates we are going on this trip because he was looking at booking. We advised that he should wait until we get to know each other better before doing so.... and that is when he got pissy and said 'I thought we got along great at dinner! We're out!'. We were shocked, but I still thought it was a joke. He came back a few minutes later with 'Sorry guys but now we are getting mixed signals and are uncertain about this whole thing'. And my wife said -- cut the cord!

No. Negative. My wife and I are going to Hedo in March. We mentioned this over dinner (the first dinner). We had a play date scheduled for this coming weekend after the dinner went well. Husband messages us midway through the week asking the dates we are going on this trip because he was looking at booking. We advised that he should wait until we get to know each other better before doing so.... and that is when he got pissy and said 'I thought we got along great at dinner! We're out!'. We were shocked, but I still thought it was a joke. He came back a few minutes later with 'Sorry guys but now we are getting mixed signals and are uncertain about this whole thing'. And my wife said -- cut the cord!

That does seem a little presumptuous on his/their part but it sounds like they were really feeling it or just really aggressive.

We had a couple do something similar to us. They started talking about planning a weekend trip to their lake house on the first meeting. I mean they were trying to set a date and we hadn't even done anything more than hugs and handshakes. There's more to the story but It made us uncomfortable and we discontinued any communication after that M&G.

I know some others have mentioned this as well: Clubs are so much easier because you only have to spend a few minutes with couples sometimes to know if there is any interest. No need to waste an entire night with another couple that you know will not work. Many couples in clubs are simply looking for a fun night, no long term relationship. If it works the first night, you might end up with them again and in the future perhaps a friendship will be formed but there's no rush.

Online dating has proven itself to be the most difficult of all for so many reasons.

That does seem a little presumptuous on his/their part but it sounds like they were really feeling it or just really aggressive.

We had a couple do something similar to us. They started talking about planning a weekend trip to their lake house on the first meeting. I mean they were trying to set a date and we hadn't even done anything more than hugs and handshakes. There's more to the story but It made us uncomfortable and we discontinued any communication after that M&G.

Well and it was not the actual thinking about a trip that bothered us. It was the reaction when we cautioned him that he should wait to see if we liked each other enough after a play date. I mean things can go weird. You don't want to sink 5 grand into a vacation that takes you to a relatively small resort with people you didn't hit it off with.

Anyway... it's done. They are very nice people, it just didn't work.

I don't see anything wrong with going on vacation together after one dinner and why this would be classified as drama, but if that's too soon for you then you're just not a good match and that's okay.

We find cruises to be the best meeting place. As opposed to resorts, everyone is there at the beginning and the end.

We try to meet couples on line. Getting to even meet is an ordeal. Meeting and ever playing is unusual.

We have a few couples we like to play with. Always looking to include more in the rotation.

I don't see anything wrong with going on vacation together after one dinner and why this would be classified as drama, but if that's too soon for you then you're just not a good match and that's okay.

I don't think you fully read my post before this reply. It wasn't the planning to vacation while we were that was the problem. It was the overreaction to our advice that they wait until we had a date or two before booking. The reaction was 'WELL! We thought we had a connection on the only time we have met face to face! We are OUT!" Then about 15 minutes later: "We are rethinking things!" And then after we said that we were out because of those reactions, the husband tried to pretend like the wife was drunk and made stupid comments all while the wife was chatting perfectly SOBER to my wife. So yeah..... it wasn't the vacation -- it was the DRAMA.

Once again: They actually did you a favor by letting you know now instead of later... nobody wants drama and it helps when they go out of their way to let you know that they have a truck load of drama in tow.