Married couple swings together but one spouse cheats?

Would you play with a married couple if you knew the husband steps out on the wife?

We ran into friends at a club, and it is well known in our vanilla friend circle that he cheats on her, and we are not talking a hall pass. She has been told about his cheating more than once, but she lives in denial. I think she assumes since they swing he would never cheat. I know of one woman he had a 1 year sexual and emotional relationship with without her knowing.

I will admit, we are physically interested, but worried about the possible drama if she ever realizes what he really does behind her back.

I doubt their drama would have an effect on you. As long as you aren't the one stirring the pot. If you are ok with his lifestyle, and his wife seems ok with his lifestyle, then go for it.

Rarely is the sex drive consistent in a couple. There are some men and women that are married to people with very high sex drives and not enough self control. When these people cheat, the overwhelming response from others is to leave the person. Sometimes, the spouse understands the issue. In order to keep 2 people deeply in love together, some concessions can be made. Sometimes sex is just sex. Not a popular view but just asking you to not judge him based on your limited knowledge of their relationship. She may be ok with this. You may be losing out on a lot of fun based on someone breaking your standards, not necessarily theirs.

The only concern I see is, depending on how active he is, is stds.

My view, I'm sure the other side will be represented as well, then the choice is yours. He sounds fun though.

JandKinBoise, If as you posit and it is a mutual way that they deal with some issue and she is blind to his "cheating" by her choice, and it is an accommodation to help an otherwise good relationship function , then Yes I would mind my own business.

If , however he is a cheat and therefore a liar I would steer a wide path around him. I steer the same clearance around anyone who I now lies in any area. A butcher who underweighs, a car dealer who knowingly sells defective cars, a contractor who promises the moon with a track record of not delivering each will lie and cheat in other area as well and I want no part of it.

If I have a reason to distrust someone or their partner, then playing is off the table. I know that does not totally eliminate risk. I can always be fooled by a really good story, but that is life. Knowingly stepping into it is , for me, just plain out of the question.

Unfortunately, it’s not a situation of don’t ask, don’t tell. She simply refuses to believe what is blatantly obvious, but he provides a nice lifestyle she could not afford without him.

Unfortunately, it’s not a situation of don’t ask, don’t tell. She simply refuses to believe what is blatantly obvious, but he provides a nice lifestyle she could not afford without him.

Are you saying then, that he is a cheater for certain, pure and simple?

If so, how can you trust him anywhere near your wife?

He will say what he needs to in order to get what he wants.

Are you sure it is cheating? What you are describing is something going around in the rumor mill. No one actually has first hand knowledge. Rumors rarely turn out to be 100% true. And because vanilla people rarely understand the lifestyle, they could be misintpretiing what the two of them do because they only get half the story.

Are you sure it is cheating? What you are describing is something going around in the rumor mill. No one actually has first hand knowledge. Rumors rarely turn out to be 100% true. And because vanilla people rarely understand the lifestyle, they could be misintpretiing what the two of them do because they only get half the story.

Candin, Good Question.

Would you play with a married couple if you knew the husband steps out on the wife?

No.

Actually, hell no. Swinging is based on love trust and communication. Cheating is the opposite of trust and love. Just because she doesn't want to 'see' it right now, doesn't mean that she won't eventually see it. When that happens, here comes the drama and we do our best to avoid drama. So, once again, our answer is absolutely not.

Are you sure it is cheating? What you are describing is something going around in the rumor mill. No one actually has first hand knowledge. Rumors rarely turn out to be 100% true. And because vanilla people rarely understand the lifestyle, they could be misintpretiing what the two of them do because they only get half the story.

I spoke with a friend who was rumored to have been in a long term affair with him. She confirmed it. He talked of leaving. He lied and told her his wife wasn’t interested in sex. Obviously a lie if she swings with him.

Run away!

It may be unfair, but we treat cheaters as if they have STDs. No Bueno!

I like that. Although cheating cannot be transmitted sexually, it is a sexual disease and none of us want any diseases.