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Thread: Odd situation

  1. #1

    Default Odd situation

    Recently after several instances of play, I (Mrs.) Have found that I have a fetish for putting a condom on Mr. Swing and putting him inside his play partner. I enjoy watching the penetration and often use the memory for self pleasure.

    The issue, you may be wondering...is when I sit back and I'm not in a sexually charged environment, I feel extreme guilt and almost ashamed that I enjoy it. I feel that me as a wife should want to be the one enjoying my husband, but here I am getting turned on by the thought and images of him penetrating another woman.

    He assures me that it's ok, and it's nothing to be embarrassed by and I should love that I can share that with him, but I just feel....vulnerable and ashamed. Why? Any ideas or theories are welcomed because I've tried to make sense of it and I cant seem to come to one happy, common acceptance point of it.


  2. #2

    Default Re: Odd situation

    No idea at all where you would be embarrassed. I enjoy watching my wife don't think that's weird at all.

  3. #3

    Default Re: Odd situation

    It's a complex emotion I'm feeling and I cant even quite make sense of it myself.

  4. #4

    Default Re: Odd situation

    Quote Originally Posted by cSwing View Post
    Recently after several instances of play, I (Mrs.) Have found that I have a fetish for putting a condom on Mr. Swing and putting him inside his play partner. I enjoy watching the penetration and often use the memory for self pleasure.

    The issue, you may be wondering...is when I sit back and I'm not in a sexually charged environment, I feel extreme guilt and almost ashamed that I enjoy it. I feel that me as a wife should want to be the one enjoying my husband, but here I am getting turned on by the thought and images of him penetrating another woman.

    He assures me that it's ok, and it's nothing to be embarrassed by and I should love that I can share that with him, but I just feel....vulnerable and ashamed. Why? Any ideas or theories are welcomed because I've tried to make sense of it and I cant seem to come to one happy, common acceptance point of it.
    Well many of us men like watching our wives with another male getting pleasured so... not sooooo weird.

  5. #5

    Default Re: Odd situation

    I know most men find it sexy, but not usually for women.

  6. #6
    Swingers Board Addict adamgunn's Avatar
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    Couple.
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    sextiescouple

    Default Re: Odd situation

    Ah, it seems you're running into social conditioning.

    You've been told through your life that anything but marital sex is bad, and you should be ashamed of it. And now, you're branching out, seeing what it's all about, and your mind is conflicted between what you are experiencing and what you've been told.

    My suggestion is to read a good book on the subject. May I suggest The Ethical Slut or Opening Up. Both are available on Amazon. This should at least give you something to think about.

    The best of luck . . .

  7. #7

    Default Re: Odd situation

    Quote Originally Posted by adamgunn View Post
    Ah, it seems you're running into social conditioning.

    You've been told through your life that anything but marital sex is bad, and you should be ashamed of it. And now, you're branching out, seeing what it's all about, and your mind is conflicted between what you are experiencing and what you've been told.

    My suggestion is to read a good book on the subject. May I suggest The Ethical Slut or Opening Up. Both are available on Amazon. This should at least give you something to think about.

    The best of luck . . .

    I have read both and am still having this issue. Hell, I was even fine putting the condom on him, watching them for a moment and walking away to let them have fun. But the aftermath in my mind is "You shouldn't get turned on by this, that's your husband what ls wrong with you"

  8. #8

    Default Re: Odd situation

    Quote Originally Posted by cSwing View Post
    "You shouldn't get turned on by this, that's your husband what ls wrong with you"
    You're ALMOST thinking about it correctly. Two letters and an apostrophe separate you from a wonderful time and great experiences.

    Let's change that to read:

    "You should get turned on by this, that's your husband! What is wrong with you?"

    Hope that helps...........

  9. #9

    Default Re: Odd situation

    Quote Originally Posted by cSwing View Post
    .... But the aftermath in my mind is "You shouldn't get turned on by this, that's your husband what ls wrong with you"
    I'm inclined to agree with the "social conditioning" statement made by "adamgunn". If you were brought up in a very conservative atmosphere, breaking those bonds of conditioning can be not all that easy.

    Perhaps the act of inserting your husband in his Swing Partner (before you walk away) is a way of giving permission. Of saying: "This is my gift to you... both." To me it sounds like a very compassionate act... an act of "compersion" for sure.

    Personally, I think that any couple who can successfully navigate the Swing Lifestyle are a gift to each other, and the (Swing) community too, for that matter.

    Your husband is supportive. Take pride in that.

    My only suggestion is to try and not over-analyze the situation. Recognize and acknowledge your feelings (both good and unsettling), and let time sort it out. (It seems no one is being harmed here.) Growth, education, and understanding can all take time.

    Enjoy the journey... for what it is.

    :-)
    "I ride my bicycle to ride my bicycle."


  10. #10

    Default Re: Odd situation

    Quote Originally Posted by AngelandTiger View Post
    You're ALMOST thinking about it correctly. Two letters and an apostrophe separate you from a wonderful time and great experiences.

    Let's change that to read:

    "You should get turned on by this, that's your husband! What is wrong with you?"

    Hope that helps...........

    You are so right! I should be turned on! That's my man!!!

  11. #11

    Default Re: Odd situation

    I have been thinking about your question since I first posted. Just saying that I have no problem didn't really answer you.

    I used to have a jealousy problem, this is before swinging.

    During the time of transition from Vanilla to swing I owned that my wife was not a THING (wife ) that I owned, but a PERSON (WIFE) who gives herself to me freely.

    So much of what most of us learned growing up was the possessiveness of relationships. MY boyfriend , MY girlfriend etc.
    We were taught that this was the good and human way to be. When we step outside of that training, I can see how one turns around to check if they are right in proceeding.

    Giving up the ownership idea freely was a good thing for our relationship. I did have to convince my wife that I was not crazy and was serious when I gave her a no strings attached green light.

    I was not certain that I would maintain on that path until the first time that I saw her with another man. I was very happy with myself that I could enjoy her joy.

    The end result is that the bad remnants of the ownership mentality are gone. Along with them went many of the subtle poisons of ownership that had been dysfunctions of which we had been unaware. ( Small example: Each of us expecting something because it was owed not joyfully receiving what was freely given. I think this is what most people refer to as "the rut")

    For us we have fallen back into courting behaviour, without the uncertainties of courting.

  12. #12

    Default Re: Odd situation

    My wife told me she enjoyed watching me fuck mrs playmate more than receiving. I cold see her getting off mentally while she held mrs playmates legs in the air telling me to go deeper. Me and my buddy were excited to swap wives already as it seems a lot of men in the lifestyle enjoy that aspect already. I was pleasantly surprised that she also gets off on watching and participating. She says she's a people pleaser as am I so it works out well. I think your reaction is awesome and I'm sure your husband appreciates it.

  13. #13

    Default Re: Odd situation

    A few years back I got curious and read some French swinging forums through Google Translate.

    I was amused when someone asked if there was a term for the opposite of candaulism (in which a man enjoys exposing his wife to another man). The answer was basically a scoff and dismissal, that every woman is turned on by knowing her man is desirable to other women and that isn't a fetish at all. Gave me a chuckle.

  14. #14

    Default Re: Odd situation

    No reason not to apply the term "candaulist" to either men or women, even though it is typically used to describe a husband/bf who is not cuckold but prefers to see his spouse/gf exposed and or playing with others.

  15. #15
    Swingers Board Addict padoc's Avatar
    Status
    couple
    SLS Profile
    padoc

    Default Re: Odd situation

    Mrs Doc takes pleasure in seeing me please a partner. Last weekend, at a party, she was riding the husband of the lady I was going down on. After I rolled off, Wifey never missed a stroke but reached over and rubbed my chest and said, "Oh honey, you did good, she LOVED that". How I love my mate and partner!!

  16. #16

    Default Re: Odd situation

    Not odd at all, and certainly nothing to be ashamed about, I LOVE it! So incredibly erotic to guide my husbandís cock into another womanís pussy, love to spread her pussy lips, lick her to get her nice and wet for him, look right into his eyes as heís sliding in and out of her, grrrrrrr so fucking hot!! Itís one of the reasons I slightly prefer threesomes to couples play, because I feel like I can really devote the amount of attention Iíd like to watching him

  17. #17
    South of disorder WesternSwing's Avatar
    Status
    Kinky, Polyamorous Partnered Male

    Default Re: Odd situation

    Quote Originally Posted by cSwing View Post
    I have read both and am still having this issue. Hell, I was even fine putting the condom on him, watching them for a moment and walking away to let them have fun. But the aftermath in my mind is "You shouldn't get turned on by this, that's your husband what ls wrong with you"
    How about changing that dialog to "That's my husband and I'm doing my job as a spouse to fulfill his greatest fantasies as he does for me too, because that's what a marriage is really about, not ownership but partnership. It turns me on to see him so turned-on and fulfilled because I love him enough to do this with him as he is with me."

    Or something similar.
    "Sex is something you do, sexuality is something you are." ~ Anna Freud
    Blog: Bigger Love


  18. #18

    Default Re: Odd situation

    Quote Originally Posted by adamgunn View Post
    Ah, it seems you're running into social conditioning.

    You've been told through your life that anything but marital sex is bad, and you should be ashamed of it. And now, you're branching out, seeing what it's all about, and your mind is conflicted between what you are experiencing and what you've been told.

    My suggestion is to read a good book on the subject. May I suggest The Ethical Slut or Opening Up. Both are available on Amazon. This should at least give you something to think about.

    The best of luck . . .
    I tend to agree with this statement, We are raised with the ideals that there is one man for one woman and that anything else is totally wrong. It is re-enforced by friends and family throughout our whole life and socially frowned upon if you ever hear that someone you know is living or considering an alternative lifestyle.

    I would say in the moment you are in comfortable surroundings. You are happy, comfortable and relaxed allowing you to explore an alernative to society's norm in a supportive enivorment (well done hubby and play partners).
    After the event you are then thrust back into "normal" life where you perhaps feel that you forced to question and examine your decisions under the dissaproving gaze of a lifetimes worth of social conditioning.

    You may also further be affected by what is known in the Kink community and "SUB DROP". It is perfectly normal and usually occurs durring very sexually charged situations.

    It is caused by the body releasing endorphins raising your endorphin level to above the normal levels for you. Those endorphins make you feel great but when the event is over those endorphin levels suddenly drop and can go below what is normal for you leaving you to feel mildly depressed.

    I am not saying this is deffinatly whats happening but it sounds like a possibility and I would encourage a google search of the term "SUB DROP" just incase. Remember its called Sub drop but is not limited to those in the kink community, it can affect anyone.

    Just take your time and communicate with your husband about your feelings. I am sure over time you will adjust.

    Good luck

    Coffee x

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