We just don't understand

We have been trying to do this now for over a year and have yet to bust our cherry as a swinging couple. We met an experienced couple on one SLS last spring/summer and we quickly liked them chatting on Kik. We all shared sexy pics and the flirting was hot and heavy. Eventually we met them at a club this past fall for the first time and boy did we hit it off. Things were looking like we were moving to a play room but they ended up in a fight moments before Mrs. Mixxed and my very first play session. Fast forward to my birthday this past December and Mrs. Mixxed planned a surprise play session with them but low and behold Mrs. Mixxed got sick the day before and canceled. Although they still came up to our area they found a local couple to play with. Now recently all seemed well and we were doing out typical flirting, pic sending on Kik then out of the blue the female half sends a message that the lifetyle is no longer for them! WTF? Especially just 1 hour before I was chatting with the male half on Kik. We were jus about to make plans for a March meet up too.

While we totally respect and except their decision to say we are stunned and confused is an understatement. We still like them as a couple hoped that we can still remain plutonic friends. IDK if they did some intelligence and learned what I do for a career (I am in one of the top 5 swinger professions) and don't agree with it, they got tired of all the misfires, something happened in their marriage or what.

Just when we both felt comfortable with them and Mrs. Mixxed even wanted to possibly full swap (which is huge for her) they bow out and we have to start from scratch. And people say finding a Unicorn is hard shit finding another couple for us seem harder.

Well I am most intrigued by what a top 5 swinger profession is and why it would bother anyone.

If you want to be a swinger, you need to have a thicker skin and a wider net. You are going to get rejected more than accepted. Lord knows why people say no. My newest theory, hatched today, is that my wife is very attractive and it is intimidating other wives. But who knows. Maybe it’s me.

The couple you selected as playmates obviously has issues. Wipe the slate clean and find another couple. You can find them on line, at a club, meet and greet or party. Rinse and repeat.

You just got introduced to DRAMA which is an occupational hazard you should try to avoid when involved in this hobby. As you get more experience you may recognize that you two dodged a bullet with this couple. Time to move on.

We have been trying to do this now for over a year ...finding another couple for us seems harder.

You are quite correct.

1. Finding that elusive 4 way chemistry take some time.

2. Couples come into...and nearly all eventually leave...the lifestyle.

Your post suggests that you are looking for something more than playmates--you found a couple that you (thought you) genuinely like. And now you have received conflicting signals.

You have received good advice here--when conflicting signals persist, time to move on. Continue your search. There is a couple somewhere for you.

It's unfortunate but it happens, don't tie yourself in knots trying to understand why.

If they're experienced then you're likely just one piece of the puzzle and it's highly unlikely that their decision is directly linked to something that you've done, or not done, etc.

Ans yes of course finding a good match is hard!

The fighting in front of you seems like a huge red flag. You're probably better off not playing with them.

Yeah what Erik13 said ^^^^^

If a couple fights / argues in front of you then they are not ready to swing and probably won't be any time soon.

This is why we prefer clubs.

We have found it so much easier to meet playmates and have fun clubs than by reading profiles and having long drawn conversations with people.

We use various websites to maintain contact after meeting.

Anyone who starts arguing in front of us is immediately put on the no go list. We swing for fun, not for drama.

I got so much flack because we were going to play with friends. I was told so much can go wrong. Unlike the original poster we didn’t need the endless emails, video chats, picture swaps and meeting up to see if we clicked. We are friends and enjoy being together. The big question for me was could I handle watching my wife fuck. Our friends were already swinging with others. My wife wanted to do it, they wanted to. No searching had to be done to find that perfect couple.

We know two couples in the lifestyle who were friends from before we started swinging and we decided very early on that we would never cross that line.

Friendship is so much more important than a shag.

We know they would but it just would not be worth the risk to our friendship by complicating things that way.

It's hard not to get discouraged! Brush it off and get back to hunting. This time, chat up a few couple's. Give yourselves a few options and have fun with it. I have learned to see the signs of people not ready and not give too many chances. I recently had a misunderstanding via messages with a unicorn, and we won't be grovelling. My husband and I are good fucks so it's her loss! ??

When people who are in our demographic ( age, experience, live nearby, full or soft swap)reject us without ever meeting us, I have the same thought as playfulchick: their loss. Happy to have and do my wife.

The basic problem is the method we collectively use to find others. Poring through profiles, making inferences about interest based on photos of uncertain provenance, weight/height estimates that are often remembrances of things past, and text that reads more like a skill inventory than a view into the couple.

If Amazon can find ads showing us what we desire before we are even aware, can we use those approaches to improve couples matching?